Importance of Sex in Relationships?

[ColorMePurple]

Hello there!

So I'm dating this guy & it's only been a month. However, I'm hesitant to start "going steady" with him because of our sexual compatibility. First off, I'm really tiny & he has a huge dick. It's to the point where I'm scared to even have sex with him because I've heard stories of 'perforated colon' (a punctured colon).

Secondly, because of his huge penis, I always end up finding poop stains on my comforter after we have sex. When we get done, I have to take the condom off of him just in case there's some on the condom. I used to use enemas and douches, but I don't wanna become irregular & have to wear diapers by the age of 40

Third, he keeps wanting to try the doggy style position, but I'm nervous to do that because 1) it's the least pleasurable position for me as a bottom 2) i'm insecure with the acne on my back 3) i'm scared that he'll actually see the feces & get turned off.

Lastly, when we first met, he told me he was versatile. I never date verses. I'm a bottom & most of the time, a verse wants to give and receive. I only bottom. What made me date him? He's so damn sweet. Well now he says that he's a "top". However, he told me stories about how he came while bottoming without touching his dick. I cum all the time bottoming, but the fact that he LIKED it & came off of having the dick makes me scared that he's gonna want it later in life even though he's a "top" now.

THROUGH ALL OF THIS, I really like him. He may be too femme at times, and he's not a hood boy (whom I usually go for), but he takes me out to eat, holds the door for me, pays for everything, and he's really into me. Do you think that our sexual incompatibility should decide if I should "go steady" with him or not? Help! :/

[Aeneas]

hmm not sure how much experience you have with men but "finding poop stains" is all to normal regardless of the size of the other person's dick.

you can minimise the risk by going to the bathroom an hour or two before having sex rather than a day before, and using loads of lube will make then experience more hygienic. you could also try with fiber supplements to solidify what comes out.



every gay men will understand that the anus wasnt meant for sex and could occasionally expect that.

as for being vers i cant speak for all vers but in my case, if its any help, ive been in both kinds of relationship (bottom and top) and as far as the sex is good, there is no *missing* anything. of course, he could feel different.

and yes, sex in most relationships is important. not everything, but important nonetheless.

[Undreamt]

So your going to shoot yourself in the foot before the race because your afraid you might trip on a hurdle half way through?

Relationships are never going to be perfect, and not all relationships are going to be forever.
If it turns into an issue later on then deal with it later on.

[ColorMePurple]

So your going to shoot yourself in the foot before the race because your afraid you might trip on a hurdle half way through?

Relationships are never going to be perfect, and not all relationships are going to be forever.
If it turns into an issue later on then deal with it later on.

Wow. Thank you. That really helped.

[Sylph]

Gurl please, now I've pretty much got a detailed and well drawn out architectural plan of your exhaust and what the pipes are like .

Now on to it;

To me, no matter how good or big the dick is, no matter how potentially unhygienic (even though it's your choice - I find the idea mortifying & my beginning of the end will be and is kept so clean you could see the future), either partner may perceive the other as being, no matter how much either guy wants it, Sex to me is actually not integral to a relationship, especially one that isn't even that developed/ or old yet.

I view relationships, not as the thing you have so you can have sex, even though people be sticking their chips in any ol' dip now-a-days, but the preview before the full length (no pun intended) feature film.

I think that's why men used to make their daughters wear Chastity belts, however barbaric it looked/seemed, but there was some sense behind it... alittle bit. If you meet someone and you're sprung within a month or two, that's usually not enough time to really get to know someone.

It's funny, because a friend of mine said once; "You need a license/certification for most things... except for sex and having children (in heterosexual situations)"

It's like handing a child your keys to the car before they even learn which is the gas and which is the brakes.

People should learn about people they're interested in before they insert their keys into your ignition, or vice versa, because you/they may end up with a multitude of issues, one of which you brought up, a faulty muffler, which is something that may be gross/odd to talk about, but is always good to know.

Better he find out sooner rather than later, when he pulls out and sees what you had for breakfast that morning or the dinner from the previous night.

[princealbertofb]

Color me Purple, yes, gay anal sex (anal sex actually) can be a bit messy but honestly if a person can't deal with the fact that the canal is actually meant to evacuate digestion waste, then they shouldn't be engaging in it; You try to get yourself as clean as possible, and that's the best you can do...

I advise using a towel under your writhing bodies, something you can roll up into a ball, and that you can discard to the washing machine as soon as you've done the deal... the mess is out of the way. The best way to deal with it is just to have a little talk about it, ask if he minds, if he gets it that it's going to happen. The more natural you are about it, the more matter-of-fact, the less guilt tripping it'll be. Imagine that it's no worse than having to change a child's nappy (diaper) if you were a parent to a baby... Some day, those nappy changing skills might be useful (maybe in old age). Poop is nothing to be scared of, but just to be hygienic about. Make sure things are washed properly, toys etc. after use.

As for sex, yes it is important in a relationship unless none of you feel sexual, but it doesn't sound like either of you are. You may want to try doing the other role some day... and find out that you can actually do it too. What are your hang-ups about it? Maybe that needs a trustful discussion with him too. If you can't perform being a top, then maybe you two could engage in penetrative sex with toys...? That's what they're for, isn't it?

Take care.

[pellaz]

... THROUGH ALL OF THIS, I really like him. He may be too femme at times, and he's not a hood boy (whom I usually go for), but he takes me out to eat, holds the door for me, pays for everything, and he's really into me. Do you think that our sexual incompatibility should decide if I should "go steady" with him or not? Help! :/

this is really positive of you. The good is you are experiencing things outside your norm and finding things you appreciate too. Life is give and take.

The more mature older you get the more shit you have to deal with.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Sex in relationships is, for many, very important.

I made the mistake have having the last relationship lapse in the sex department (He is HIV+ I'm HIV- so that old bug was always between us).

I suspect that his dating hundreds of men over the last 12 years of our relationship was due largely to us not having sex. As such, the next relationship I get into I'm going to make certain there is lots and lots of sex - I'll keep my man exhausted LOL

Granted, life tends to horn in on the bedroom activity, but if you don't keep your man satisfied he will seek satisfaction in other ways, be it porn and masturbation, or your local backroom (sex room) at the local hole in the wall.

Perforated colons take place when the dick is rammed up there all at once, not 'gentle' slow motions and getting you used to it each session.

As for poo in the bed, that happens with anal sex. Unless you clean yourself down there.

Also, as a hint, check your diet. If you eat enough fiber and have a health stool (not to hard, not to soft) and go regularly there is far less poo on the condom/dick and you will not need to use enema's all the time.

That diet may help with the acne issue as well....

As for the doggy style, you will get used to it, and if done properly one can get enough pressure on the prostate to lead to climax without hands on your own dick. The angle of entry (downward from his perspective) can lead to interesting prostate sensations.

As for Verse v bottom - how versatile is he? Some Versatiles are quite happy to top all the time...

Lastly, these issues are something you need to discuss with him. I bet if you talked with him honestly he is willing and able to compromise and together you both can find ways to adapt to each other's needs.

[PHOSPHORUS]

I hope I can give U some helpful advise. First off, I have never heard of "perforated colon", especially at a result of anal intercourse. I suffered from an anal fistula, as a result of abusing myself with large dildos. I had it operated on and since have had no more issues with it.

Enemas and douches are absolutely harmless. In fact they are quite helthy. I have been douching myself daily since I was 17. I M now 64. I have never become "irregular" nor had any other problems as a result of daily douches.

I would NEVER engage in anal sex with any man without first employing a gentle warm douche, and then waiting half-an-hour to allow for all water to expell B4 starting the romantic act.

Large penises R only a problem when they are especially thick. Extra-Wide Penises can cause anal fissures. These R slight tears which can then ooze blood. Repeated injury of anal fissures can lead to anal fistulas.

I dont think U should worry about the size of your penis, as long as your partner does not complain about it.

If your partner is big, use more lube and take your time. Your body will accomodate him if U take it slowly.

I dont know what else I can say to B helpful . . . .