Nobody has EVER found out my sexual preference.
I think people would stunned, even horrified that I would prefer (as in preference) at some stages in my life to be heterosexual, life just seemed so easy for them, especially through the turbulent years of the early 1980's when poofter bashing became a national sport. I tried so hard for many years to be 'normal', you know...be born heterosexual, but it has been tough and as much as I tried to prefer being heterosexual it would seem it was to no avail.
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I prefer to be "out" at all times. That generally helps to avoid the giddy little hand clap situations, and such. Also, if people need to have a discussion right away, then we can do so and go from there. It is also nice because you can pretty much get a person's attitude from the start by watching their reactions. As far as the rest, what's the big deal about being somebody's "gay" friend? I have been a "gay" friend, a "tall" friend, a "dark-haired" friend, an "older" friend and a "Mexican" friend, among others. These labels say more about the person using them than they do about me. So I don't find them threatening or irritating in the least. The second part of the phrase is the important part: _______ friend!
The energy that it takes to hide my sexuality is REALLY not worth the trouble. The people who are going to judge you are still going to judge you if you stay closeted. They will just whisper behind your back. I prefer to deal with things directly.
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Everyone has something that their friends can and do point out to others about them, It just happens to be easier being called the "gay friend". I've never been mentioned as a "gay friend" but I can't imagine that I would get annoyed with it.
I've met people who've also said to me that they've always wanted a gay friend, I either don't talk to them now (not because of that) or I put them in their place and tell them that I'm not an accessory that they can show off because there is more to me then my sexuality.
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My friend wasnt doing it to be mean or insulting, and I knew that....it was just her excitement that I was not only a friend, but a "gay" friend.
After my LOOOOOOOOONG sit down talk with her, she understood. She was kind of embarrassed that she came off that way and squealed like she did. She never does that, she's a pretty laid back woman.
She is very intelligent though, and I think she was taken aback that she had actually acted like that and said those things.
Apparently she thinks gay people are the stereotypical artsy-fartsy, super fung shui designers, uber chefs, and all that. Which I happen to be, but still....
I made her a custom tote bag for a Cmas present, and she went "gaga" over it. Now she wants one for every day of the week. Geez, what I get myself into sometimes....
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I've been through the same... it can be annoying, and even invasive (especially if it's at the work place where word gets around quick and job opportunities can slip by when your boss is a religious zealot)....anyhow, I've never went out of my way (maybe once, but that was a wannabe fag-hag who went WAYYY overboard on the stereotypes.... bitch I don't want to go shopping with you or help you pick out outfits) to get someone to "tone it down" (I'm way too passive), because you have to think.... I'd prefer a boisterous overcompensated reaction of appreciation to my "gayness" than a punch to the face or a swell, "ewww, you're a faggot?" reaction ANYDAY!
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In general I don’t think reactions like that are really a bad thing, girls who do that usually don’t mean anything bad, they just don’t think what they say and how they say it. I’m trying to understand them even though I prefer my friends to shrug and say "who cares either way?†but we don’t live in ideal world.
I don’t have many friends, so chances something of that sort would happen are slim, but it happened once. It was a new girlfriend of my boyfriend’s best friend. He introduced us and she was immediately like: "OMG so you’re that gay couple! So cool! Give me your facebook I’ll add you. I have (here goes the out of space number that I probably don’t even know how to write) friends on it but I don’t think I have any gay yet, you’ll be first!†I didn’t like being considered a new item in the collection of a social network friends collector, It wasn’t even about the gay aspect, I just didn’t KNOW this girl! Why would I want to contact with her in any way? Or have her on facebook if I had one? Beyond my understanding.
Anyway my reaction was simple: "Sorry, I don’t have a facebook†... and at that moment my boyfriend, her boyfriend and another guy that was with us all burst out laughing. I have no idea what my face expression was, but it must have been hilarious, they nearly pissed themselves and all wished they had they cameras on. As for the girl, she never spoke another word to me, she was talking to my boyfriend but not to me, I don’t get what happened, apparently I had a killer look in my eyes, maybe she took it too seriously. It was strange. I hope I won’t scare like that another person who reacts similar, I might not want to be their friend but I don’t want them to think I’m some kind of a psycho-serial killer.
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