Ended a relationship...Severe depression...

[kennyw429]

Just wish to tell you guys how much I enjoyed reading all the posts here. So much to learn from and so inspirational, despite the downside that, again, I'm reading sad stories in gay relationships... and it's demotivating to me sometimes.

As to you Misfit, your strength and considerateness simply touched me. It just reminds me of that Kelly Clarkson's song which I like so much and listen to when I need to make myself feel strong...
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

Stay hopeful and cheerful, and I'm sure God has something better for you

[Misfit]

Hello All,

I wanted to update you guys on how I was doing. I can't tell you enough how much your posts meant to me. Reading them right after the breakup was so comforting.

How am I doing? Better. It was almost a month ago that I made the post. I recently started a new job (after looking for a good one for a year) and it's a wonderful job. It's helping...Staying busy throughout the day keeps my mind from lingering and wondering about romance.

I have to be honest...Because it's the internet and I can be...I'm going through various stages of bitterness and anger at times...There are rare tendencies when I feel I need to get back at him in some way. I'm controlling myself of course but I'm still mad sometimes. I wonder how much I really mattered to him in the end for this to be done to be. But like another poster said I shouldn't keep wondering what he's up to or what he's doing.

What gets me through the anger is remembering I learned a lesson. I really understand now that perhaps had I been more attentive and assertive I could have avoided all this. And hopefully, I will in the future.

I just keep remembering when I first met him I tried so hard not to fall in love and to stay-detached in the event sometime like this might happen. But I ended up falling in love.

Things are going better...But I'm very discouraged to get back out there dating...Honestly, I'm tired. I've had two amazing relationships that ended on the worst note possible. I feel a piece of my soul gets chipped away each time. I don't know what to do...I don't know if I should just settle for something average, or maybe stay completely detached from any guy who walks my way.

What your going through right now and what your feeling is perfectly normal. Your reactions to the breakup are the same reactions we've all experienced at some point in our lives.

The fact that you can write about how your feeling, and grieve through what you're writing is all very positive.

it may not feel like it right now, but time does heal, and there are a lot more guys out there who are in tune with what your looking for than you may think.

You found two guys in a relatively short period. You have a lifetime to find the right one

Good Luck
ObW
X

Thank you. I'm beginning to feel more open to starting a relationship again...I'm just afraid and tired frankly.

Misfit,

You are not "depressed" nor suffering from 'depression'. You are suffering from greif which is slightly different than 'depression'. This is a 'bright side'.


The best I can do is give you an electronic .

Thank you for the hug. I think I'm lingering somewhere between acceptance and anger at the moment.

Just wish to tell you guys how much I enjoyed reading all the posts here. So much to learn from and so inspirational, despite the downside that, again, I'm reading sad stories in gay relationships... and it's demotivating to me sometimes.

As to you Misfit, your strength and considerateness simply touched me. It just reminds me of that Kelly Clarkson's song which I like so much and listen to when I need to make myself feel strong...
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

Stay hopeful and cheerful, and I'm sure God has something better for you

It's sad but it's very helpful to read all these posts. It really is.

[Geminize]

Thanks for the update, Msfit. It's always nice to hear when things get better for someone here.

[deejayarens]

Misfit: I can honestly and truly it gets better. There is so much love and adventure ahead of you. Leave the past and look forward!

[pellaz]

... I feel that in some way I'm inadequate because there were things that his girlfriend and future wife could give him that I can't ...

that future is totally available. just need to find the right guy

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Hey Misfit,

As others have said, thanks for the update. The new job will definitely help! It did when I went through my last breakup (long ago)

3 Weeks/a month I feel is maybe a little soon to start seriously dating again. Things are still raw, with emotions lurking just below the surface. By all means go out, take a holiday, have some (safe!)fun. The serious dating stuff, I'd consider staying away from that for a couple of months minimum, otherwise you will find yourself drifting back to comparing new with old etc.

I have a saying, love will find you when you least expect it. That holds true for anyone. New job, new coworkers, new social connections to build.

Mr Right could be just around the corner you've not turned yet :-)

ObW
X

[rover330]

well, hey dude, of course people care.

I know I've been through a breakup where I couldn't hardly function, I was borderline suicidal for a while, I literally stopped eating and lost weight, I was a basket case.

I think that is a reflection of the fact you were able to love and open your heart to someone. It did not work out. That does not mean other people won't love you in the future for the beauty of who you are.

But, people can tell you that until the cows come home and it doesn't help the pain at the time... and I don't care what anybody says, you can walk around with enough pain in your heart to sink a city over a breakup if you were truly in love.

Only thing I can say from 48 years of experience, I wish I could tell you that the pain will go away... the acuteness of it, and the immediacy of it, will indeed lessen over time. Every person you've ever been in love with, every person you will love, you'll love in a different way and speaking for myself I have never lost that. There is still a corner of my heart for every man I've loved, that is only his.

But you will in time not feel the pain at the intensity you feel now. I can about 95% promise you that.

Be kind to yourself. Go to work, or to class, where ever you have to go. Don't do what I did and shut yourself up in a room for 3 months and drink and smoke dope feeling sorry for yourself, lol. Get out, be around people, rock at work. Don't stay home and wallow in it... Dude, I nearly offed myself I was in such pain. Looking back on it years later, man, I'm so glad I didn't.

Easier said than done. Best of luck. For whatever reason, this wasn't the right one for you.

[rover330]

only thing I forgot to add...

I was rereading, and you were talking about anger.

Through whatever means, over time, I realized that my ex and his mom both of whom I was angry at, didn't really give a flying f*ck. The only person the anger I was carrying around was eating at was me, over the years, at my psyche, at my heart. The anger was eating like an acid at the loving person I used to be before I met them. So learning to deal with the entire experience is part of my own lesson, whether or not their white trash asses care. I got counseling which helped me a lot.

I still haven't let it go, I've taken some steps though. If you can, the anger is only going to hurt you and eat away at you bro, it's certainly not going to hurt him. I would say 'let it go' if I had done so myself but I'm still working on it. But I wish that I could, and if you can, IMHO, it will be better for your mental and physical health. Time.

Easy for me to say. Just two cents from me. Peace.

[Armandork]

Just throwing it in here if you ever need someone to talk too I'm open for conversation ^^ :/ if it helps at all~ All I could possibly say has been said..

[Misfit]

Hey Misfit,

As others have said, thanks for the update. The new job will definitely help! It did when I went through my last breakup (long ago)

3 Weeks/a month I feel is maybe a little soon to start seriously dating again. Things are still raw, with emotions lurking just below the surface. By all means go out, take a holiday, have some (safe!)fun. The serious dating stuff, I'd consider staying away from that for a couple of months minimum, otherwise you will find yourself drifting back to comparing new with old etc.

I have a saying, love will find you when you least expect it. That holds true for anyone. New job, new coworkers, new social connections to build.

Mr Right could be just around the corner you've not turned yet :-)

ObW
X

I think I'll do that. Especially the safe fun thing.

well, hey dude, of course people care.

I know I've been through a breakup where I couldn't hardly function, I was borderline suicidal for a while, I literally stopped eating and lost weight, I was a basket case.

I think that is a reflection of the fact you were able to love and open your heart to someone. It did not work out. That does not mean other people won't love you in the future for the beauty of who you are.

But, people can tell you that until the cows come home and it doesn't help the pain at the time... and I don't care what anybody says, you can walk around with enough pain in your heart to sink a city over a breakup if you were truly in love.

Only thing I can say from 48 years of experience, I wish I could tell you that the pain will go away... the acuteness of it, and the immediacy of it, will indeed lessen over time. Every person you've ever been in love with, every person you will love, you'll love in a different way and speaking for myself I have never lost that. There is still a corner of my heart for every man I've loved, that is only his.

But you will in time not feel the pain at the intensity you feel now. I can about 95% promise you that.

Be kind to yourself. Go to work, or to class, where ever you have to go. Don't do what I did and shut yourself up in a room for 3 months and drink and smoke dope feeling sorry for yourself, lol. Get out, be around people, rock at work. Don't stay home and wallow in it... Dude, I nearly offed myself I was in such pain. Looking back on it years later, man, I'm so glad I didn't.

Easier said than done. Best of luck. For whatever reason, this wasn't the right one for you.

I give you props. And really, this is my greatest fear. Getting torn apart my each relationship. Any long moments of silence throughout the day it tends to hurt a little. I can't help but think. "What is he, or are they doing right now? Are they thinking about me? Are they wondering the same thing? Will they ever think about me? Will they think about me in a good way?"

But I have to quickly erase those thoughts from my head and try and think about something else.

I don't know if I could do what you do. I think after years of being torn apart I would give up completely. Two amazing relationships that tore me apart and while I realize Mr. Right could be right around the corner...I'm even afraid to think about it.

While I appreciate the lesson I've learned. And assertiveness really was my key lesson here. If I could go back and choose not to fall in love I want to say I would pick that option. Because it hurts, less than when it did but there is still some lingering of pain.

Just throwing it in here if you ever need someone to talk too I'm open for conversation ^^ :/ if it helps at all~ All I could possibly say has been said..

I appreciate that. I'll send you a PM.