Sexuality in much Question. What is going on?

[BGuy80]

Hey all, I recently joined this site to see where I may stand in the gay community.

To begin, I do not consider myself gay at this time. For the longest time I have been straight, but as of late I have begun to become extremely confused with myself. I am 21 years old and I do not believe that it is too old of an age to realize I may actually not be straight. As a bit of a background, when I was around 14 I had a phase where I was confused as to what I was. I had been attracted more to gay porn at that age, but I eventually kicked that and have been attracted to straight/lesbian porn since.

I have never really had feelings for a male. I have had one long term relationship and have been relatively in love with another girl since. However, when I was about 16-17 I always had gay thoughts about one of my best friends, but never acted on it and they eventually went away as well. I find myself always checking out females in public and never usually men, but who knows.

During my one relationship I was extremely attracted to my girlfriend, but I always seemed to have an issue with my erections. I thought of it as a physical problem and never usually anything more. I now begin to wonder if that has anything to do with my real hidden sexuality towards men.

Today I find myself only looking at gay porn. I post on sites like craigslist or even other gay dating sites looking for an encounter to see where I stand, but I always flake out. I have posted on other sites and they all tell me to go to a gay bar to see what I feel, but I am yet to do so. To make a long story short, my concern is this. Is it possible that I am just now figuring out that I am actually gay? Are these feelings of wanting to really experiment just me being bisexual or another phase? I am just so confused as to what is going on after I have had pretty much heterosexual thoughts my entire life. Thanks everyone!

[VagabondKitten]

Well first and foremost, you should know that only you can really answer this question. Every person is different. It also has a lot to do with your background. If you grew up with a very conservative family and/or in a very conservative area it would most likely much more difficult to come to terms with your sexuality. But no, it is not that unual to still be coming to terms with your sexuality. It seems clear that you may have some attraction to both. Maybe you just want to be attracted to women or maybe you actually are. Maybe you are actually attracted to men emotionally but are scared to come to terms with it, or maybe you really aren't attracted to men. It's hard to say. But if it feels like you are repressing something, or like you aren't telling yourself the whole truth about what you want, you probably aren't. Just explore yourself more and what is motivating your actions and I'm sure the answer will emerge!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Sex doesn't make you gay...

Aside from porn, and sex - would you want to spend you life with a guy, cuddle with him, kiss him, love him, share your life?

If the answer is no, then chances are high you ain't gay.

Yea I know, the word is homosexual, but seriously there is no emphasis on the sex in homoSEXual....

[Counselor]

Sorry we can't dictate your sexuality for you, but I have to say a gay bar is not what would have cemented my sexuality for me.

[Undreamt]

Its probably better to leave lables to later, just enjoy yourself, dont' try to call yourself one thing or the other just get yourself out there and see what happends.

Whats the worst that could happen?

[SlipknotRlZZ]

It seems to me that, as the dude before me said, labels aren't for you really. Don't force yourself into a label or into a sexuality. The beauty of sexuality is that you can experiment with it and explore it. A gay bar for starters will probably give you a good idea of just how much you are attracted to guys and in what ways. If metting up with a stranger for sex doesn't seem like that good of an idea for you, try it with someone you trust, if there's such a person in your life, or maybe befriend someone you might wanna do it with.

You could be attracted to girls, like gay porn and still not want to be in a relationship with a man or not like gay sex very much. Your problem with erections might have been due to the person - or it could be something more general about oyu. Maybe you need a 'right' person, you know? Just explore. Don't worry about it. Whatever it is, it could still change in the future.

[TimeSage]

Despite what society says, Sexuality is fluid. We are not locked into "Gay" "Straight" "Bi" defintion at all times. Many people have will sometimes find someone outside their normal preference they'd love to screw. Don't over think it and just go with what your heart tells you regarding relationships and what turns you on.

[rover330]

what I would add is, I don't mean to be harsh but I will be blunt

please don't waste anyone's time...

I went through something similar when I was coming out, I was about engaged to a great girl. I decided it would probably be better to be honest with her at the time than when she caught me fucking around with gay porn on the internet 10 years into a marriage with a couple of kids or worse yet, cheating on her.

We are great friends to this day, and she wants nothing more but for me to settle down with a great guy and be happy.

before you commit and someone gives you their heart, imho, decide who it is that you can settle down with... until then... don't fuck with their mind or their heart.

[unkown21]

Deep down inside you must already know the answer to this question sweetie. Let me tell you a little about myself, and we can compare. When I was 6-7 I knew I was different. Me being transsexual now I understand, but when i was 7 years old i just knew that something didn't match the norm. So when i was going through puberty a couple years later I never had any sexual urges that involved women. Now I knew deep down inside that i wasn't straight, but everyone who knew me thought I was straight because apparently I'm a good actor! It wasn't until about a year or two ago that I decided I was tired of lying to myself and will just accept myself for who I am. After years of telling myself there was something wrong with me and that i could kick it by acting straight was very foolish because it brought a lot of pain that would have been unnecessary. Hope this helps

Huggs

[BGuy80]

I understand what you guys are saying. I mean I never used to be able to see myself growing old with another man, there was always a girl lying next to me. But now I just can't stop thinking about guys. Don't get it