Straight Male Looking For Advice

[Geminize]

Wow, whtmale. You made many statements that could be addressed here. First, your direct questions:

I would greatly appreciate any advice on (1) whether it would be appropriate/offensive to ask her to talk and (2) whether she would label me a bigot or be offended if some of my views on gay issues differed from her views.

(1) That depends entirely on your relationship with your lesbian friend.
(2) That depends entirely on your friend's perspective and personality, regardless of her sexuality, AND how you present your views and listen to hers.

Sorry, but as other posters have pointed out, there's no way for us to answer for her.
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Now, if we want to go further...

Although I do not think that my views have anything to do with gay people...

This baffles me: how do you have views about gay issues that do not "have anything to do with gay people?"

Thus, here is my problem: I don’t want to have a narrow minded opinion on gay issues, and realize that if I could discuss gay issues with a gay person (something I have never done before), maybe my views would be different.

All you need is to talk with someone who has differing views on these issues: it doesn't matter if they're gay or straight. Bowyn is right, focus on the issues and your differing views.

Also, you are are a 25 year old in graduate school in DC. I'm guessing you know more gay people than you are aware of.

[whtmale11]

Thank you for all the responses. I was really not trying to get into the gay marriage debate on here, and I apologize if anything I said was taken as offensive. I would never come to a forum where I know everyone disagrees with my view and try to convince them otherwise. That was not my intent. I just wanted you all to understand the situation so I could receive the best advice.

I think all of your comments demonstrate my point: I do not understand how gay people feel about these issues. I just wish there wasn’t so much political correctness around these issues so I could feel comfortable trying to understand.

Some commenters mentioned that I should talk to people, whether gay or straight, who have opposite views. The problem is I feel like when I talk with straight people they either label me a bigot or tell me that I just don’t understand (normally because I have never really been exposed to gay people). I agree, I don’t understand. I wish I did. Nobody ever tries to help me understand because the perception is that people with my views either don’t want to understand or are incapable of understanding. I think a gay person would be more likely (and more persuasive) to educate me on these issues because at the end of day I think that gay people want actual acceptance from everyone, rather than have some who do not understand but don’t say anything because it is publically unpopular to do so.

Anyway, again, thank you all. I am going to have to weigh the pros and cons and decide if I think it is a good idea to talk to her.

[Counselor]

You hetsies can be so funny, like inadvertently inferring that there are no gays in the middle class. (Not offended in the least, just humourous poorly-worded sentence)

[Miles]

I'd like to pipe in to say good on you for your willingness to come on here and reach out to people with whom you may disagree, but want to understand. It's a nice change of pace to encounter people who want to engage in legitimate conversation about it. Not enough people are willing to do that (myself included) - that can be said of any potentially divisive issue, not just gay marriage. I would welcome you to feel free to be politically incorrect and voice your concerns on here, but you mention you didn't want to get into a debate on here and that's ok. I'm just curious as to what specific things there are that you don't understand, especially in light of all the responses posted here, which to me seem reasonably clear. I don't mean to be condescending in any way here - just trying to get a feel of where you're coming from.

As for talking to your friend, I'll just register my agreement with the folks above that any discussion you have entirely depends on your relationship with her and what sort of person she is. Her sexuality is certainly a part of her identity like anyone else, but how she treats it is more a function of her overall personality and worldview than of whether she's gay, straight, asexual, bisexual, trisexual, pansexual, tree-sexual, necrophiliac, super saiyan, or attracted exclusively to ghosts.

[pauluk]

If you want to chat. i be in chatroom. you more then welcome to disscuss the topic there

[dfiant]

the only thing that needs to change is you.

I find it horribly offensive to be segregated by you as a 'Gay Person' just as a negro would feel offended by being segregated as a 'Black person.'

You may call us politically incorrect, but I will refer to you as ignorant.

Your ignorance is offensive to the point that you believe that we are different compared to yourself and you need to 'LEARN' about us, that is so offensive, what is to learn? seriously WHAT IS THERE TO LEARN? the only thing different that a gay man does compared to a straight man is they suck dick. The only thing different that a gay woman does compared to a straight woman is they eat pussy. We all eat, breath, fart, bleed, love, hate, pay taxes, exactly the same.

The labels of Gay, Straight, Lesbian, Bisexual have been bestowed on us by people who need to label things for the sake of labelling things and these titles take away from one simple fact....we are all human, we all want the same things in live.

[pellaz]

gay is a sexual preference, nothing more.
we are only like 4% of the population so four percent of your friends will be gay.

i just dont know why you must have an opinion on something that dosent effect you?

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Gay, gay, gay...

What is the importance here? Gay people are people too...

Take me. If we met in real life you most likely wouldn't pick up on the fact that I prefer to sleep with men over women. Unless I had a partner at the time and he was calling me sweetie, or I came right out and said 'I'm gay.'

I'm just a guy, I hike, hunt, fish, know my way around the engine compartment of a vehicle, drove a jacked up 4x4 for many years, raise my own veg, worked in construction, have no sense of color or fashion. I'm a 'guy' who just happens to love other guys.

I'm a person, just like you, I have dreams, aspirations, hopes - When cut I bleed red blood, when screamed at with profanity I feel its sting just like you would. When I love my mate its with all my heart and soul and I am as protective and caring for my mate as much as you are for yours.

The reality is that LGBT people are just people, the majority of us are doctors, lawyers, merchants, chiefs, farmers, firemen, construction workers, nurses - we are everywhere with many interests, many hobbies, and we live in every corner of the world.... you get the idea, we come from all walks of life, we are in every shape, size, color and other package you can think of.

The only difference between a gay man and a straight man is that our focus for our love and affection is on a different gender.

I assure you, all of those feelings of love, affection, companionship, desire, commitment, hopes and dreams and all of that you have for your girlfriend a gay man has for his boyfriend.

The only difference is the plumbing, the emotions, the heart felt desires and wants and needs to be with ones 'better half' are exactly the same.



Instead of looking at your lesbian friend as a lesbian, look at her as a person.

Instead of looking at gay people as 'gay' look at them as people.

You will find that they will feel the same things you feel for your mate for their mate. Sure the pronouns are different (he/she) but the love, affection and all of that are exactly the same.

If you want to talk to her about her life and her love for her mate, think in gender neutral terms, or consider her as 'just one of the guys' talking about 'his' Girlfriend.


Yes she will be offended if your focus is on the 'gay'. Just like you would be offended if the focus was on the straight. Look past that, instead look at two people who love each other.

Couldn't have put it better myself.

Ever thought of being a politician BA?


ObW
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[VileKyle]

There have been a lot of posts that I don't have the patience to read through, so I don't know if what I'm about to say has already been brought up or not.

I think the issue is that you have been seeking advice on the internet. If you talk to people with opposing views online, you will get a whole lot of crap thrown back at you no matter what the topic is. I think you'll get much better responses here, since it is a regulated forum. That being said, I would definitely talk to people more personally to get a better conversation on the topic of gay marriage.

Now with all that out of the way, I do have a few things of my own to say about this. I was actually a lot like you on my views of gay marriage. I grew up not knowing any gay people, with parents who strongly opposed anything labeled as gay. As I got to know more people outside of that little world, I definitely changed the way I thought about that. If I were you, I would definitely talk to your lesbian friend about this, because a friend will be much less offended by anything you say than anyone else. Also, try putting yourself in her shoes (or the shoes of anyone else in a gay relationship). How would you feel about things if the government said you couldn't marry the love of your life?

Anyways, that's my two cents on the matter. Good luck and thank you for being open-minded about this. I don't think you are a bigot at all, since bigots don't even question their own beliefs. You are thinking for yourself at the very least.

[HomeagainNYC]

Nobody ever tries to help me understand because the perception is that people with my views either don’t want to understand or are incapable of understanding. .

Please allow me have a go at "helping you to understand" -since I personally don't have the perception that you - "don’t want to understand or are incapable of understanding".

There is only one difference between you and me. I sleep with men. You do not. That's it.

If you understand that, consider yourself as educated - if you don't understand that, consider yourself uneducated.

If you wanted to know the anthropological reason, that I sleep with men, and you don't, that a whole different thread.