I don't want to be gay.

[Rainbowmum]

Being gay is not nor should it be a burden.
You are who you are as a person ,do not let your sexuality define you.

I know it's hard to accept who you are when you have been raised to believe it's wrong.
It isn't wrong ,it is fine , it's the rest of the narrow minded people who cannot see the trees for the forest.

You can still find happiness being yourself.
Remember Normal is a cycle on a washing machine , it has nothing to do with the wonderful person you are.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

After reading your post I have a huge amount of sympathy for the position you find yourself in. Its not too far removed to what I experienced myself, made 10 times worse by the fact that I was in the military.

Having read what you posted, I honestly don't think coming out to your wider family or your friends would help you in this situation. I think the person you do need to come out to is yourself.

If you've not accepted you for who you are (not what) then coming out to people will only intensify the situation your in and cause you even more emotional upset.

Are there any kind of support groups you could get to even if its just once a month? I think you need to be around other like minded people to understand that being gay is not the stigma it once was, and that it doesn't define who you are. It also sounds like maybe you should try and get away from home for a while, so you don't feel pressured into trying to deal with your emotional state with close family around.

Coming on here and just posting how your feeling will help you get things off your chest. If you need someone to actually talk to about stuff Im sure there are a few guys on here who would be happy to do that, myself included (just message me)

Good Luck, and remember we are here to help as much as you want us to.

ObW
X

[Armandork]

Coming on here and just posting how your feeling will help you get things off your chest. If you need someone to actually talk to about stuff Im sure there are a few guys on here who would be happy to do that, myself included (just message me)
X

I feel terrible for not remembering to include that in my post.
If you ever need an ear to listen or well... eyes to read, I'm here ^^

[TimeSage]

Ditto what they said for me as well. I'm sin the latter stages of coming to terms with it myself. I know what its like to need someone to lean on (for me it was my now ex bf) and just be there to listen. I'd be happy to do that for those that need it (even if i may not have the best advice)

[Geminize]

Remember Normal is a cycle on a washing machine , it has nothing to do with the wonderful person you are.

LOL!!! Mum, that is the BEST thing I've read all week!

@inthecloset, what can I say? I know what crying yourself to sleep is like. Been there too many times. I had the straight life: wife, kids, house. Now I'm recreating my life. I came out when I found a bf, because I didn't want to hide. Now I'm questioning that relationship, but I don't regret coming out. I'm masculine as well; never met a stereotype that fit me. The best that any of us can do is to express ourselves fully, as we truly are in our heart of hearts.

I hope things get better for you, and soon!

[MisterTinkles]

As Ive stated in other posts....


"Gay" is a label. A label is a device to pigeonhole and stereotype someone into a specific category.

Im not a label and Im not a category....I am a person.

"I am not gay, I am not straight. I am me, I have always been me, I have never been anyone else.
If you dont like me for who I am, then thats YOUR problem...not mine.
You know where the door is at, use it. "


If you cant accept yourself as a human being, how is anybody else supposed too?

If you cant love you for just being you, then nobody else will either.

If others cant like/love you for the person you are and the benefits you can give as a friend or family member, then you definately dont need them in your life, bringing you down.

Theres millions more people out there....go create your own family.

[thisLIFE]

i try not to look at myself as being gay

i just like guys...

[elad12]

I know the feeling you are having. I had them 40 years ago when I was 21. I then spent until last December living a very straight life. It was not a bad life. I mean there were some good things and some good people that I met and loved, but it was not at all all a gay life. I was not being my "whole" self from the age of about 20 to age 60. I was being who everyone around me and who society wanted me to be, but I wasn't being who I was born to be. I regret that. There are parts of the last 40 years I will never regret but I regret that I did not allow myself to be the gay man I was born to be. Since coming out I feel whole for the first time in my life and am looking forward to the rest of my gay life. We all have our paths in life. That was mine. I'm sure you will find yours. Where ever it takes you I sincerely wish you the best.

[partisan]

I dont feel need to say anything as i agree whole heartedly mr tinkles, always have

[Woollyhats]

Hello In The Closet (You need a nick name or something!). I read your post, and it hurt. It really did, I wish I could be your friend in person, just to give you someone to talk with, but I can't be there. If you would like someone to talk with, I plan on staying in these forums for some time to come, so I'll do that instead.

I feel like I was at your stage a few years ago, probably around when I was 16. Back then, I literally had to force myself to stare into the mirror, to look into my eyes, and I had to say, "I am gay." I paused, and then said, "And there is nothing wrong with that". And I sat on the foot stool in the washroom, and I sat with myself and accepted myself. The first person I came out to was me.

Because I laid in bed at night too, and I was afraid. I am still afraid, to be honest.

But a lot of what has made me better, is that I don't want people to go through what I have had to go through. I got involved in groups at my school, I gave presentations on why bullying and abuse is wrong. I helped in an initiative that, I know personally, saved lives. I moved out of an abusive environment; I live with someone now that will accept me when I am ready.

It is difficult to change your perspective, but you can do. .

----

You asked, "Do you think once I tell them, my self confidence will boost?"

I've come out to several people. The answer is that in the LONG TERM, absolutely yes. In the short term, it depends on their response.

I read your previous posts, and it sounds like your sister knows. Before you come out to them, ask her for her opinion, if you're close to her. If you are close to her she will care. You might be able to arrange to move in with her in the event of an emergency --- I have such an arrangement with the parent of a friend.

Lastly, as a personal challenge, try to look at some good things that have happened because you're gay. It might be hard, and it might take you awhile. But somewhere in your life, those things are there. I think about them often and it helps me.

And look up some groups. An example of a brilliant is "WipeOutHomophobia on Facebook", when I was 16 it literally made me cry. I would highly recommend looking at it.

I honestly think you can do it.