Help, I am loseing Him. My first love

[dfiant]

I'm going to be straight up front. I read your whole original post and all I got from it was obsession and manipulation and I can understand why your boyfriend feels as unsettled as he does.

Some people work well together, others don't. You guys don't work well together so you are going to have to let him go...you know the saying 'If you love me let me go.'

I think you are also going to have to stop laying the blame at his feet when you are 50% of the problem.

[pellaz]

and what will you do if your next LTR feels like this one
funny how all the single men have lots of advice
best wishes in all tho

[dfiant]

and what will you do if your next LTR feels like this one
funny how all the single men have lots of advice
best wishes in all tho

You can be a real prick sometimes mate...what a disgusting thing to say...so because we are single and you are partnered our advice is of less value and importance than anything you could say???

What a wanker, seriously, I can't believe that crap just came from you keyboard.

FYI I was in 2 relationship that spanned 20 years, one lasted 13 and would still be going if he had not passed.

you insensitive twat.

[Rainbowmum]

I hate saying this but when you use manipulation, emotional blackmail and guilt on someone ,the relationship is already dead .

All relationships need trust as a corner stone ,it is so hard to pick up the pieces and know what is real love that he is giving freely or giving out of guilt.

Yes it may please you that you can call the shots but deep inside of him you are just adding to the load of pain.
Please try to understand that if you force someone into doing something , be it with guilt or manipulation,you are slowly smothering him and his ability to love you for who you are.

Now add to all this being glued to his hip and the smothering is increased tenfold.

In the mean time , get out there go to gyms or coffee shops , take the time to discover yourself .

There had to be something that kept you together for all this time ,I can almost 100 % guarantee it wasn't just guilt.

We are here for you.

[posterpicture]

I hate how all of you excuse him for his behavior.
Love is weakness. We can be meant, nasty, and terrible when we are in love.

No matter what people say or you try to do. When you are in love with someone, you will never be able to get your mind off that person.
That one month is not for you to renovate yourself. It is for reminding both of you to that how much you miss each other ( that is the case when you are both in love ).
If there is no love there, then nothing you can do.

[Undreamt]

Get a hobby. Be it a sport, a club a group or something else.

It might sound trite but it can help alot for a variety of reasons.
- Gets you involved in something outside the relationship so that you don't spend all day stewing on it.
- Forces you to socialise
- Gives him some time away from you.

There is such a thing as spending too much time with someone, and by the sounds of it your at that point.
Let him go out with his friends without you, you should be able to do the same.

Maybe you need to set boundaries, ground rules if you will.
Set a time that is cuddle time or some sign that he can give you that shows that he isn't in the mood.
(Ie with my bf if he's hunched over focused on his computer or he's pushing the cat away i know he is going to do the same to me, if he's got the tv on in the background or just idly talking to people online then I know he's fair game)

As to the sex, if your having trouble with his size maybe you need to buy some toys do give yourself some excersise. Or focus on something else. You didn't really say alot there despite you feeling that its a big problem, are you being passive or agressive? who is being put in the more dominant position?

Also do things to show that you care, when was the last time you surprised him with a gift or a massage or made him dinner or did something for him without him asking for it? How often do you thank him or show him your grateful when he does something for you?

[EvenOlderButWiser]

the only issue is they guy I am going to hang out with to day most likely wants to have sex.

These are the WRONG type of friends to hang with. In fact, these are not friends, they are simply using you.

This will not help your relationship. You need to find a circle of friends, not FB's. There is a very big difference.

Good Luck!
ObW
X

[infleto]

It is mid way through. I have started hanging out with a number of new friends. one of them holds a romantic interest form me. Yet, we are not pursuing anything do to my current situation.

I am past graving about the separation. I now see that I do not need my ex-boyfriend at all. he is not my life. I am my own person and I have a lot to bring into a relationship. my ex-boyfriend as throwing away 5 years of development and work between us. Unless he wants to change and unless he really dose care. he can move.

[LateBloomer]

Good for you.

And glad to hear you're not pursuing any romance yet. Enjoy the freedom of being single.

One more thing, I don't really consider time spent in other relationships (that didn't work) to be wasted time, or throwing away anything. Those are all experiences that we can learn from and that shape our values and character.

You (and him) are who you are today because of those experiences. So just learn from the past and move on. Don't carry that baggage around forever, just take what you need.