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Help, I am loseing Him. My first love
#1
I am 24, gay and in love, (please over look grimmer as I am upset at the time of writing this)

My boyfriend of 5 years lives with me in our little apartment of 3 years. I fully love him, yet we have drifted. We have trouble as all relationships do. The last 2 years he has pulled away. Yet, Over the last 4 month a few issues have came to light that had gone noticed before.

He keeps of his unhappiness hidden from me. I wants me to "read him" and just know that something is wrong. Yet when I miss something he fell as if I do not care. He is searching for someone who understands him. But gets a feeling of rejection from me if I do not pick up on what is bothering him.

Then there is sex, We are both versatile. I have a much stronger sex drive than him to start. however, do to his unhappinesses his sex drive gets suppressed. This leaves me feeling needy,
His penis is also on the large side, and even after 5 years it freaking hurts. I love to bottom and have with other people. With his dick I need a lot of time to get it in, and when he wants to fuck he wants it now. This has leaded to sexual anorexia in our relationship.

As a result, I act very "clingy" in public and at home, I latch on to him, I desperately want intimate contact. However, when I am being clingy it sends the wrong message. My boyfriend's friends think i am trying to "mark my territory". It creates a social barrier. My boyfriend is not all that in to PDA eather. I think I would not be so clingy if we had more sex.

Additionally, I found him and his friend masturbating. At the time my boyfriend was attracted to him (because the guy was attractive). but we are not in a open relationship.
I seen that we where slipping long before, so I used his cheating as a way to guilt him in to doing thing I wanted. I guilt-ed him in to bing more affectionate that he really wanted to be. I was very angry and took my "punishment" too far by interrupting in his normal social life. Over the last 4 months it has grown to the point that he is depressed. All of his friends hate me as they see me as the source of his depression.

And so is our downward spiral, It start off happy, then my boyfriend gets up set form me, work, or whatever. If is notice we are ok, If I don't he gets a little feeling of rejection, Over time the little feeling adds up. and my boyfriend tries to protect him self by pulling away. I get needy form the lack of attention and start forcing my way in to his life. Doing this puts off his friends and him even more fueling his need to pull away.

It has now reached a tipping point. My boyfriend wants to move to a new city with a friend, (he dose not have feeling for this guy) He wants to get away form a job he hates, and a relationship he is depressed in.
the move is in 2 months. If he really loves me, I am moving too. I am staying here if he dose not.

So, in an effort to gain some perspective and to let each other "breath" we are taking a break for 1 month. The idea is to allow him to see if I am what is causing his continual sadness or if it is part self-imposed. I what him to see that he can change how he communicates what is troubling him. So we can grow as a couple.

Also, the break gives me a chance to detach from him. It will let me see why I love him. My boyfriend fells that I am just comfortable with him, and I don't really like him as a person. Separating permanently would be much easer if I date another guy and see that other people can give me what he can.

One month form now we are going to try to see if we have any attraction. My boyfriend and I well "date" as if we are a new couple. Hopefully he will show some true affections, I also hope sex will be on the menu.
After a week we will decide if are commented to each other and face our issues of commutations and social interactions. Or if it is not worth the effort.

Here is where I need help, I have no clue how to pull my self away form him over the next month, he is all I know. and more importantly I don't know how to get him to fall in love with me again. Dating is not something I am in practice of what do I do??? Help.
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#2
This is where friends (OF YOUR OWN) come in very useful.

You fill your free time and thoughts with YOUR friends.

Do you have friends of your own? Or is your entire social circle composed of HIS friends who "hate" you?

If you don't have many friends then you need to find other activities to keep your mind busy. Volunteer your time at a community organization, get a hobby or sport. These will also give you opportunities to meet more friends--and maybe even a more compatible boyfriend.
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#3
I suggest seeing a therapist. Depression sucks and if he can get a clinical diaignois he can get tretment and be happier. Go with him. If its not depresion said therapist can likely shed light on the causes of your issues and have advice for you.
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#4
TimeSage Wrote:I suggest seeing a therapist. Depression sucks and if he can get a clinical diaignois he can get tretment and be happier. Go with him. If its not depresion said therapist can likely shed light on the causes of your issues and have advice for you.
We are broke atm.

and no I have lost most of my own friends after leaving the army.
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#5
Medical insurance covers mental health too. Its how i can afford to see mine
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#6
I am really looking for some incite here. I am lost

seeking help may send the message all of our problems are if your f'ed up head. So how can we get help with out it looking like that.
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#7
really need help
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#8
I already told you.

Friends.

Lost them?

Make new ones.

You have to get OUT and take an interest in YOUR OWN LIFE.

Be the person you would like to date.

People are attracted to other people that have rich, meaningful lives. Or to put it differently you should start DATING YOURSELF. Find out who you are and what is interesting to YOU.

Forget about anyone else right now. You are NOT ready for a relationship. You need to work on yourself right now.

You will NEVER find happiness in other people or in material things.
Happiness can only be found inside your OWN heart.

Good luck.
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#9
Infleto, I agree with LateBloomer. It's not healthy to build your life around just one other person. Use this month to focus on your own interests, do something new, work out, join a club, ANYTHING. If you have your own friends and interests you will be less clingy in a relationship.

I wonder if your agreed upon timeline is realistic. Taking a break may be a good thing, but expecting to then date for a week and see where you stand seems rushed. These things take their own time. Be as honest as you can be with yourself and your bf in this process and trust that that will lead you in the right direction.
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#10
Geminize Wrote:Infleto, I agree with LateBloomer. It's not healthy to build your life around just one other person. Use this month to focus on your own interests, do something new, work out, join a club, ANYTHING. If you have your own friends and interests you will be less clingy in a relationship.

I wonder if your agreed upon timeline is realistic. Taking a break may be a good thing, but expecting to then date for a week and see where you stand seems rushed. These things take their own time. Be as honest as you can be with yourself and your bf in this process and trust that that will lead you in the right direction.

Well we are on a time line, he starts a new job in another city in 2 months. but as far as getting my own friends, your right.

that is what I am doing now, the only issue is they guy I am going to hang out with to day most likely wants to have sex.
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