Help, I am loseing Him. My first love
04-22-2013, 03:28 PM
I am 24, gay and in love, (please over look grimmer as I am upset at the time of writing this)
My boyfriend of 5 years lives with me in our little apartment of 3 years. I fully love him, yet we have drifted. We have trouble as all relationships do. The last 2 years he has pulled away. Yet, Over the last 4 month a few issues have came to light that had gone noticed before.
He keeps of his unhappiness hidden from me. I wants me to "read him" and just know that something is wrong. Yet when I miss something he fell as if I do not care. He is searching for someone who understands him. But gets a feeling of rejection from me if I do not pick up on what is bothering him.
Then there is sex, We are both versatile. I have a much stronger sex drive than him to start. however, do to his unhappinesses his sex drive gets suppressed. This leaves me feeling needy,
His penis is also on the large side, and even after 5 years it freaking hurts. I love to bottom and have with other people. With his dick I need a lot of time to get it in, and when he wants to fuck he wants it now. This has leaded to sexual anorexia in our relationship.
As a result, I act very "clingy" in public and at home, I latch on to him, I desperately want intimate contact. However, when I am being clingy it sends the wrong message. My boyfriend's friends think i am trying to "mark my territory". It creates a social barrier. My boyfriend is not all that in to PDA eather. I think I would not be so clingy if we had more sex.
Additionally, I found him and his friend masturbating. At the time my boyfriend was attracted to him (because the guy was attractive). but we are not in a open relationship.
I seen that we where slipping long before, so I used his cheating as a way to guilt him in to doing thing I wanted. I guilt-ed him in to bing more affectionate that he really wanted to be. I was very angry and took my "punishment" too far by interrupting in his normal social life. Over the last 4 months it has grown to the point that he is depressed. All of his friends hate me as they see me as the source of his depression.
And so is our downward spiral, It start off happy, then my boyfriend gets up set form me, work, or whatever. If is notice we are ok, If I don't he gets a little feeling of rejection, Over time the little feeling adds up. and my boyfriend tries to protect him self by pulling away. I get needy form the lack of attention and start forcing my way in to his life. Doing this puts off his friends and him even more fueling his need to pull away.
It has now reached a tipping point. My boyfriend wants to move to a new city with a friend, (he dose not have feeling for this guy) He wants to get away form a job he hates, and a relationship he is depressed in.
the move is in 2 months. If he really loves me, I am moving too. I am staying here if he dose not.
So, in an effort to gain some perspective and to let each other "breath" we are taking a break for 1 month. The idea is to allow him to see if I am what is causing his continual sadness or if it is part self-imposed. I what him to see that he can change how he communicates what is troubling him. So we can grow as a couple.
Also, the break gives me a chance to detach from him. It will let me see why I love him. My boyfriend fells that I am just comfortable with him, and I don't really like him as a person. Separating permanently would be much easer if I date another guy and see that other people can give me what he can.
One month form now we are going to try to see if we have any attraction. My boyfriend and I well "date" as if we are a new couple. Hopefully he will show some true affections, I also hope sex will be on the menu.
After a week we will decide if are commented to each other and face our issues of commutations and social interactions. Or if it is not worth the effort.
Here is where I need help, I have no clue how to pull my self away form him over the next month, he is all I know. and more importantly I don't know how to get him to fall in love with me again. Dating is not something I am in practice of what do I do??? Help.
My boyfriend of 5 years lives with me in our little apartment of 3 years. I fully love him, yet we have drifted. We have trouble as all relationships do. The last 2 years he has pulled away. Yet, Over the last 4 month a few issues have came to light that had gone noticed before.
He keeps of his unhappiness hidden from me. I wants me to "read him" and just know that something is wrong. Yet when I miss something he fell as if I do not care. He is searching for someone who understands him. But gets a feeling of rejection from me if I do not pick up on what is bothering him.
Then there is sex, We are both versatile. I have a much stronger sex drive than him to start. however, do to his unhappinesses his sex drive gets suppressed. This leaves me feeling needy,
His penis is also on the large side, and even after 5 years it freaking hurts. I love to bottom and have with other people. With his dick I need a lot of time to get it in, and when he wants to fuck he wants it now. This has leaded to sexual anorexia in our relationship.
As a result, I act very "clingy" in public and at home, I latch on to him, I desperately want intimate contact. However, when I am being clingy it sends the wrong message. My boyfriend's friends think i am trying to "mark my territory". It creates a social barrier. My boyfriend is not all that in to PDA eather. I think I would not be so clingy if we had more sex.
Additionally, I found him and his friend masturbating. At the time my boyfriend was attracted to him (because the guy was attractive). but we are not in a open relationship.
I seen that we where slipping long before, so I used his cheating as a way to guilt him in to doing thing I wanted. I guilt-ed him in to bing more affectionate that he really wanted to be. I was very angry and took my "punishment" too far by interrupting in his normal social life. Over the last 4 months it has grown to the point that he is depressed. All of his friends hate me as they see me as the source of his depression.
And so is our downward spiral, It start off happy, then my boyfriend gets up set form me, work, or whatever. If is notice we are ok, If I don't he gets a little feeling of rejection, Over time the little feeling adds up. and my boyfriend tries to protect him self by pulling away. I get needy form the lack of attention and start forcing my way in to his life. Doing this puts off his friends and him even more fueling his need to pull away.
It has now reached a tipping point. My boyfriend wants to move to a new city with a friend, (he dose not have feeling for this guy) He wants to get away form a job he hates, and a relationship he is depressed in.
the move is in 2 months. If he really loves me, I am moving too. I am staying here if he dose not.
So, in an effort to gain some perspective and to let each other "breath" we are taking a break for 1 month. The idea is to allow him to see if I am what is causing his continual sadness or if it is part self-imposed. I what him to see that he can change how he communicates what is troubling him. So we can grow as a couple.
Also, the break gives me a chance to detach from him. It will let me see why I love him. My boyfriend fells that I am just comfortable with him, and I don't really like him as a person. Separating permanently would be much easer if I date another guy and see that other people can give me what he can.
One month form now we are going to try to see if we have any attraction. My boyfriend and I well "date" as if we are a new couple. Hopefully he will show some true affections, I also hope sex will be on the menu.
After a week we will decide if are commented to each other and face our issues of commutations and social interactions. Or if it is not worth the effort.
Here is where I need help, I have no clue how to pull my self away form him over the next month, he is all I know. and more importantly I don't know how to get him to fall in love with me again. Dating is not something I am in practice of what do I do??? Help.
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