Relationship advice - boyfriend trust issues

[BathEd]

I think the monogamy thing is a bit of a red herring - I only put that because open relationship suggested something else to me. Call it you what you will - I was clear about what we actually have.

I also think the three way thing is a red herring as well as this is not what is causing the problem in my opinion. When he first suggested it, which was after I had cheated (again call it what you will) I was very apprehensive because I thought it would reopen old wounds; but in actual fact it was not awkward at all and merely harmless fun.

[BathEd]

I have spoken to him now and he accepts that the lice came from the guy the other weekend rather than me cheating and that he had panicked, and I accepted I had behaved foolishly or insensitively, so this is a start, but it's still a long-term issue.

[princealbertofb]

It's all work keeping a couple going strong... and a lot of understanding and love... Keep it up, guys.

[BathEd]

It's all work keeping a couple going strong... and a lot of understanding and love... Keep it up, guys.

It is indeed! Thanks for the advice and help.

[princealbertofb]

You're welcome, Ed.

[Woollyhats]

If you know the obvious cause, point it out to him. Use graphs on the time peroids and stuff to prove it you have to. Everyone loves graphs right?

I laughed at this more than I should have.

[Woollyhats]

If you're not cheating, and he's worried, be honest about it, and work on any underlying trust issues. I don't have experience with this myself, but a lot of problems I've seen here seem to be related or caused by open relationships. I am not judging you, but consider if it's perhaps causing some problems (health and relationshipwise).

Also, even though I laughed at him, TimeSage raised a good point. Flat out bring it up that you think he's worried about you cheating, and mention that it's impossible that the lice came from the guy at the bar, and very likely they came from the threeway.

Good luck .

[BathEd]

I laughed at this more than I should have.

I did too! Fortunately he does accept that they came from the threesome guy, maybe he blames himself as it was his idea and choice of guy, I am of course not blaming him. It's just one of the risks you take with that sort of thing, you can protect yourself against most STIs but not lice...

It may seem strange and thanks for not judging, but I don't think the open relationship has much to do with the trust issue. Everyone is different, but I think gay relationships are (or can be) different from straight ones, and having a bit of fun with another guy doesn't feel wrong. I am very conscious about not wanting to leave my boyfriend out so it tends to be with another top guy (he's bottom) so it tends to revolve around him, which I'm totally OK with.

[MisterTinkles]

Wow, you dug a deep craphole for yourself, huh?

I would suggest that you stop "threesomes" for at least 6 months to a year and just focus on him.
Having this other friend he doesnt know about just gives more credit to the fact that you have no interest in telling him the truth about anything (as far as he see's it).

Whether he's just a friend or not, your BF/hubby should be aware of these people and have access to their phone numbers. What if something happened and you werent able to reach your BF out of town? Your BF could call your friends to see if they have heard from you or to drive by your place to see if everything is ok.
This works both ways too.

You cant be in a relationship with someone and have your own private world on the side. You might get away with it for a while, but you WILL get caught.

If you love this guy so much, then WHY do you even attempt such feats of stupidity?????
Are you wanting to get caught for some reason?
Are you looking for a way out?
There is some reason you keep doing these things.



And the next time you have a "threesome", make sure he's clean...inside and out.

[BathEd]

Wow, you dug a deep craphole for yourself, huh?

I would suggest that you stop "threesomes" for at least 6 months to a year and just focus on him.
Having this other friend he doesnt know about just gives more credit to the fact that you have no interest in telling him the truth about anything (as far as he see's it).

Whether he's just a friend or not, your BF/hubby should be aware of these people and have access to their phone numbers. What if something happened and you werent able to reach your BF out of town? Your BF could call your friends to see if they have heard from you or to drive by your place to see if everything is ok.
This works both ways too.

You cant be in a relationship with someone and have your own private world on the side. You might get away with it for a while, but you WILL get caught.

If you love this guy so much, then WHY do you even attempt such feats of stupidity?????
Are you wanting to get caught for some reason?
Are you looking for a way out?
There is some reason you keep doing these things.



And the next time you have a "threesome", make sure he's clean...inside and out.

Wow, you've made a lot of assumptions and judgements there, it's almost as though you've replied to someone else completely! I think you're the one who has dug a hole on my behalf.

As I have not cheated, why would I be caught? What things do I "keep" doing, I have written about a particular incident? And one friend he has not met is hardly a whole other world.

Let's get this in perspective - I spent three hours at the pub with this fellow, the first time I'd seen him for several years. As I said I very rarely go out socially without my boyfriend and would have to be extraordinarily unlucky to suffer some accident etc in that time.

I accept unquestioningly that I have never met his dad or even have his number to get in contact as I trust him totally.

Please stop being so judgemental, it's not helpful.