In love with a girl?

[jnr586]

Hey all,

I am a 30-year-old man. My love life history is unusual and confusing (certainly to me at least). I struggled with presumed bisexuality for most of my life- starting in high school until recently. Things never clicked with girls... I was always secretly pining after my straight male friends. I have spent much of my life in school and have been very busy and only recently have I made a strong effort to date seriously. After a failed relationship with a girl (I was expecting it to fail from the start), i became very seriously about dating men. Signed up for multiple dating sites, went on many dates, and have also had anonymous sexual encounters with men. What a frustrating process! I began thinking i may never find the one, but had at this point pretty much considered myself to be gay.

About a month ago I started talking to a girl I knew from work. I was at this point looking for nothign romantic whatsoever. However, I sincerely enjoyed her company- we started dating and it's getting serious fast. I think I am falling for her. I can't be sure that i'm not in love with the idea of being in love but I think these feelings are real. I can see this relationship going somewhere serious and I am extremely happy about it. We have been taking it very slow but we hang out almost nearly every day and when we are not hanging out I wish we were.

Anyways, you get the idea. What i am struggling with is that i want to tell her about my past. I want to be honest with her and I want her to like me for me because I think I want this to go somewhere. I want her to know I find guys attractive as well and I don't want to have to hide things from her. As far as anythign I did sexually before, I always played safe. I went and got tested last week and am clean. I have just never told anyone about this side of me and I'm afraid of telling her and how she will react. I mean, I know everyone will say if she doesn't love you for you then it isn't meant to be but really is this true and what is everyone's opinion?

thanks you all

jAY

[Geminize]

Hey Jay,

You haven't given us much of an idea of who she is, so it's hard to advise you. IF you trust her (and I hope you do) then I encourage you to share the truth about your sexual attractions. Bisexuality can be confusing. You can be attracted to anyone, regardless of their gender. Hopefully, she can accept this AND accept that you are attracted to her above all others.

You sound responsible, and that counts for a lot. Take care of your own needs, and be sensitive to hers. I hope that helps.

[Brendan]

I told my last girlfriend that I was bisexual and she didn't care. But her best friend was gay, so it wasn't a big deal to her. You should try to get a feel for her attitude towards homosexuality. If she's homophobic it could be a deal-breaker. A lot of people don't understand bisexuality and think that if you like men you must be gay.

I don't think you're obligated to tell her. Its totally your call. If you think it could jeopardize the great thing you have going then I'd say you shouldn't tell her.

There is an irrational level of importance given to sexuality in our culture. Many think that who you are sexually attracted to somehow defines you. I say it doesn't. If you can be faithful to her then the fact that you like guys doesn't matter.