Somebody told my mother I'm gay

[MANREG]

I feel shattered. It seems my mother hired a policeman to following me and finally she knows I'm gay. She told me I'm disgusting, she doesn't want I touch her and she is trying to think what she did wrong. There are more things she told me but I don't know how to write it...I feel so bad, crying and thinking what I'm going to do now with my life. I live with my mom but know I told her if she wants me to leave but she told me let me think.

Watch my mom crying makes me feel so bad, like the worst son in the world. She suffered a lot with my brother and sisters and now with me... she can't sleep, she doesn't know what to do with me.

I hate that person that ruin my world, all was good and safe... and now this destroyed everything

What to do now? I can't sleep...

[Varanus]

Continue on with your life...Some times we need to make selfish choices and this may be one of those times you need to make one of those selfish choices.
Look up and and don't dwell in what has happened look forward to what your future has in store for you, life is hard at the best of times and we must rise above these occasions.
Your 26 years old I take it you should be almost independent by now and if not I think its best you start becoming your own person.
Good luck with everything bud.

[LONDONER]

Sorry to hear about your problem but if you think about it, your mother would find out sooner or later. You're 26 years old and sooner or later she will ask where are your girl friends, why aren't you married? It might take time for her to come round to seeing you as you are, as her son. In the meantime do as Varanus has suggested. Get on with your life and live it to the full. You cannot let one person, even if she is your mother ruin your happiness.

Siento lo de tu problema, pero si lo piensas bien, tu madre se enterara antes o después. Tienes 26 años y tarde o temprano se te preguntará dónde están tus amigas, ¿por qué no estás casado? Puede ser que tome tiempo para que aceptara tal como eres, como su hijo. Mientras tanto haz como Varanus ha sugerido. Sigue con tu vida y vivir plenamente. No se puede dejar que una persona, aunque ella sea tu madre, arruinar tu felicidad

[Pix]

Your mom should consider what she's doing wrong RIGHT NOW, like saying those horrible, unloving things and even hiring a cop to follow you around. Sheesh, that's Jerry Springer material.

[Nick9]

Sigh, this is so wrong...

What your mother did wrong? She really doesn't know? What about saying those things to you?
"I hate that person that ruined my world" - Would that be your mother? Because she was the one who hired the man. What her motivation could be? Did you ask her what she wanted to know? If she didn't know how to deal with the result, she shouldn't have had that terrible idea in the first place.
How can any parent hire someone to spy on their kids?
She doesn't know what to do with you? What about let you live YOUR life the way you want?

I am sorry, but it seems that it's time to accept that our parents are not perfect (it hurts, I know, it took me years to realize that). You are not the worst son in the world. It is your mother who will decide if the things between you are good or not. She needs to accept that you are not a kid anymore. It is her CHOICE to make a problem from your sexual orientation.

You are not supposed to please your parents. I know that it may sound wrong, but you are an adult and you can't live your life for others. You need to create a personal space around you and set some boundaries. And the others need to deal with that.

You are the "main man" in your life.

Let your mother think about it. Start to look for a place to live. Tell her that these are your personal things and you don't need to discuss them with her. You can offer her that you can talk about her sexual life, if she wants

Stop feeling bad. You did nothing wrong. It was your grandparents who didn't show your mother that she needed to be accepting in some matters and it's your mother who can't keep an open mind and have a strange limits to what is called a mother's love.

Hopefully, she will come around and apologize to you. If not, it is her choice. Your partner is/will be more important in your life.

Don't feel bad. You did nothing wrong. Please don't try to change because of your mother, don't let her guilt into anything. It's your life. She has hers. She has had some expectation, so have you.

Many hugs. Please stay at GS if you need any support.

[thegrungerpunk]

Sigh, this is so wrong...

What your mother did wrong? She really doesn't know? What about saying those things to you?
"I hate that person that ruined my world" - Would that be your mother? Because she was the one who hired the man. What her motivation could be? Did you ask her what she wanted to know? If she didn't know how to deal with the result, she shouldn't have had that terrible idea in the first place.
How can any parent hire someone to spy on their kids?
She doesn't know what to do with you? What about let you live YOUR life the way you want?

I am sorry, but it seems that it's time to accept that our parents are not perfect (it hurts, I know, it took me years to realize that). You are not the worst son in the world. It is your mother who will decide if the things between you are good or not. She needs to accept that you are not a kid anymore. It is her CHOICE to make a problem from your sexual orientation.

You are not supposed to please your parents. I know that it may sound wrong, but you are an adult and you can't live your life for others. You need to create a personal space around you and set some boundaries. And the others need to deal with that.

You are the "main man" in your life.

Let your mother think about it. Start to look for a place to live. Tell her that these are your personal things and you don't need to discuss them with her. You can offer her that you can talk about her sexual life, if she wants

Stop feeling bad. You did nothing wrong. It was your grandparents who didn't show your mother that she needed to be accepting in some matters and it's your mother who can't keep an open mind and have a strange limits to what is called a mother's love.

Hopefully, she will come around and apologize to you. If not, it is her choice. Your partner is/will be more important in your life.

Don't feel bad. You did nothing wrong. Please don't try to change because of your mother, don't let her guilt into anything. It's your life. She has hers. She has had some expectation, so have you.

Many hugs. Please stay at GS if you need any support.

I couldn't find this answer more adequate. I'm struggling on how to tell my mom about it, and I don't know how here reaction would be, but I know that whateer it is, it will be up to her to make up her mind, even though, I hope not to get a reaction like the one you got...

Hopefully, she will be more mother like and accept you soon enough

[Tyrion]

I feel for you. The reason I haven't fully come out is because of my mother. I have a great attachment with her.. even if it's troubled.. and I hate to hurt her.

Really though, I feel she will probably come around. Anyone can say terrible things to people they love. I think we all have. It doesn't mean we mean them.

I say give her time.. see what happens. Ultimately however, it's something you'll both have to talk about as adults.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

A mothers love...

I don't know. It seems a few wrongs were done here on several sides. To me a mother should accept her child regardless of sexual preference.

But then my mother wasn't all to accepting either.

You are 26 and are an adult male. You are allowed to do pretty much whatever it is you want to do with your life.

In the end, sometime down the road, this will turn out to be a 'good thing'. Yes I know it doesn't feel that way right now, and yes you are hurting.. but eventually something good will come of this mess.

I suspect that once the shock of the news wears off she will come around. If you continue to be a 'good son' in other areas of your life and demonstrate that you are still the same man you were before she found out this minor detail she will come around.

[Kiid]

I feel shattered. It seems my mother hired a policeman to following me and finally she knows I'm gay. She told me I'm disgusting, she doesn't want I touch her and she is trying to think what she did wrong. There are more things she told me but I don't know how to write it...I feel so bad, crying and thinking what I'm going to do now with my life. I live with my mom but know I told her if she wants me to leave but she told me let me think.

Watch my mom crying makes me feel so bad, like the worst son in the world. She suffered a lot with my brother and sisters and now with me... she can't sleep, she doesn't know what to do with me.

I hate that person that ruin my world, all was good and safe... and now this destroyed everything

What to do now? I can't sleep...

In this situation I'd be all like everyone just needs to clam down and breath a little. Then I'd tell your mum to get over it and that it doesn't change WHO YOU ARE.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

The only thing Im not sure about is what your legal position is in Peru? Is being gay a crime there?

If so, then you need to think about your personal safety, especially as you were followed. You should also think about the safety of whomever you were meeting when followed....

As others have said, your 26, maybe this is what you needed to happen in order to cut the apron strings and start being who you are for you, and not for her.

Good Luck

ObW
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