depressed

[rmf]

We talked about that... we can't seem to pinpoint it to one thing. he did make a comment today that I'm not sure how it factors in. He said he seems to be horny all the time, but does not actually want to have sex (mind you are sex life is not lacking by any means) that's why I wonder if its caused by a hormone in balance maybe?

[VileKyle]

I would try and figure out what is causing his depression and start from there.

Sometimes there's nothing causing the depression other than your own body's chemistry. If it were just situational depression, that passes. Real depression isn't solved by improving the state of your life around you.

[Grey]

Sounds like maybe it is, but I'm no doctor so I'm not sure.

[rmf]

He's been like this for about 6 months and the last month has been really hard on him

[Grey]

Only a doctor will be able to tell you if its a chemical imbalance or something deeper. But if it is chemical I'd say the first thing they are going to want to do is prescribe him something for it, but I'm not sure. Six months is a long time to be depressed, so I'd say it might not just go away until he gets some type of help.

[rmf]

Here is the issue at hand he flat out refuses to see his doctor. For the last week he has not wanted to eat, drink, or do anything or even get out of bed - I've had to force him to do each of these daily task. When I mentioned that he should call his doctor today there was no changing his mind. I have no idea what to do next.... ideas?

[dfiant]

I don't think there is a great deal that you CAN do other than just be there. He needs to face up to his issues and deal with them and seek help, you cannot help someone that is not ready for help, you can't force them to want help....they have to want the help to start with.

[rmf]

The other issue is this has been ongoing got over 6 months but the last month has been really bad. I'm just not sure when he will see that talking to a doctor is probably best

[Bowyn Aerrow]

During my periods of Melancholia (Caused by SAD, thus correctable with light and diet to a degree) Everything becomes too much work or too hard.

While for you going to the doctor is a matter of jumping into a car and going - for him there is all of the paper work, all of the talking, the sitting in a waiting room, the long difficult walk to the car, the having to get up, get dressed, the putting on the happy face for every single stranger along the way, the need to bathe, shave, whatever.... Each step of this trip is exhaustive.

Then the real horror kicks in because you know the doctor won't be able to do anything, and you will have expended this huge amount of time and energy for nothing.

That is how depression works, it makes insignificant hills into the alps which can only be crossed with rope, hammers and the like. Something as small as getting out of bed feels like it burns up half of your energy reserves.

http://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/h...ed-spouse/ might give you some minor help. It may actually make a few things clearer for you.

Yeah its women and man marriage, but you are part of a couple, which is really a marriage (Not recognized, or supported by the State/Church/People around you as marriage, but marriage nonetheless).

First you must understand you can't 'save him'. No matter how much you may want to, no matter how much he may want you to be his savior. There is no 'saving' in this. There is coping, there is working around it there is compromising with the depression. There is no 'saving' nor a cure.

You may be able to make is slightly easier, if you set the appointment, do the driving basically take as many of the steps you can for him. But he is still going to look at the steps that are left as being 'too big'. That is the depression at work.

As for not wanting to take drugs - I so get that. However he is going to have to balance out that desire to not dope up against the needs and those won't be known until he sees Doctor.

Yes a therapist may help - a lot. give him someone to rant at/bounce things off of while the therapist hands him customized tools to help him to cope with the plethora of little things depression means and will mean just for him.

Push him - a little. Very little at first. Is he the type that feels obliged to go to the doctor if the appointment is made? If so then make the appointment and he will go - reluctantly.

And since you are part of this 'us' thing which also includes depression, I would strongly suggest you seek help for yourself.

I would say 'be understanding' but since you are not depressed you can't really understand what depression does. But you can be supportive - a little, if you study up and get some perspective on what depression can do and hopefully in time he will let you in on what his depression does and feels like for him so you can learn how to meet its particular needs and support him through those.

[MisterTinkles]

First and foremost, before you can figure out how to deal with whats going on, you need to find out and understand WHY he is this way.

Once you find the root problems, THEN you can work on finding ways to deal with how he is.

With depressed people, you have to put your foot down sometimes, because they are going to "poo poo" and say no to everything you suggest.

Therapist or psychologist -- I would suggest going and talking with someone on your own first. They can best advise you on how to go about getting your partner into the office to speak with them.

You might ask them for some kind of home depression test you can get him to do. Usually they are just questions, but they have to be answered truthfully, otherwise the diagnosis will be wrong.

There are many options, but I think you need to speak with a professional first, to get some advice.