Messed up friend with benefits relationship

[Tropx]

So we met on Grindr, met up that evening and had lots of fun. Weeks passed and the arrangements the same. I like him a lot and I can tell he likes me a lot too as we share our life stories and hanging out but he isn't ready for a relationship, due to his ex and the drama. Can't say it on here unfortunately.

Anyway, he's always on Grindr, when we meet, he always has Grindr on at the background. When I ask him, why you're chatting on Grindr, he just goes, "I like it on is all". And I told him, I don't think it's nice he's on Grindr while I'm spending my evening with him.

So clearly, it's not a relationship that we have and he has every right to do whatever he wants since we're not together. So I go back on Grindr and chat to other people. He would msg me frequently on there, chatting or he would ask, "Have you found someone else?" Which is a no, cos I rather nurture what is there already and I keep telling him, I rather be with him anyway.

But he asks me this question often. Everything feels right except we're not BFs. He would introduce me to his friends as a guy he's seeing, despite not really dating, his friends thinks I'm adorable and hopes it works out etc. But then he gets jealous when other guys talk to me when we're at a bar hanging out and he gets jealous when it appears I'm on Grindr alot. Yet doesn't seem to appreciate I would feel the same way, when he's on Grindr constantly too.

So I have to reassure him that I'm hanging out with him and no one else. I'm not going to run off with another dude.

Then last night I noticed he was on Grindr a lot. So I msged him asking the same question he always asks me, "Have you found someone else?" and then he gets all offended, saying I don't trust him and now he's stopped talking to me, deleting me off his FB and everything.

I don't know if it's because he truly has found a replacement and just casting me a side, or he truly is offended.

If it's the latter, I don't think it's fair that he can keep being on Grindr and thinks it wouldn't affect me despite me telling him, I rather he shouldn't be on Grindr and that I would like to be in a relationship with him when he's ready to, yet when I play him at his own game, he gets upset.

You guys think this friendship/relationship-whatever it is can be salvaged? Or best to just walk away?

I apologise if this is all over the place, it's Monday morning, I'm at work and I didn't sleep well last night cos of this.

[dfiant]

The question is do you enjoy banging your head on a brick wall and stabbing yourself in the eye with a lit candle?

If the answer is yes, then go ahead and invest more time in this guy

[ManicReptile21]

The situation is immediately resolved. You have stated the fact.

"We met on Grindr"

That quote right there, was the beginning AND the end. You can't salvage what was never there. BUT I'm not going to stop you if you want to dive head first into shallow water that you already know is shallow. You wouldn't be up all night thinking about it if you didn't already know you were wasting your time now would ya? I say. ditch 'em and look for something real.

[Tropx]

Makes sense, thanks guys.

[LONDONER]

Anyone who meets up with someone via Grindr cannot possibly hope for a meaningful relationship. That's not what Grindr is about.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

There is always a danger with FwB relationships, and you found it.

One of the members starts to develop feelings towards the other, and the FwB relationship starts to fall apart.

To be honest this doesn't sound like its all your fault, as he seemed to be definitely encouraging things. Personally I think he was playing you for his own reasons. But then thats what a FwB relationship is all about.

Sorry you got burned, but lesson learned perhaps?

ObW
X

[LateBloomer]

I'm gonna disagree about what's possible on Grindr or other "hook up" sites.

Reason: Love is where you find it.

And I happen to know a few couples (in committed, loving, long term relationships) who met just for a shag, or lay, or whatever you want to call it.

But here's your problem: You're being PLAYED.

This guy wants you around, but he's not willing to make the SACRIFICE that's necessary to have a MUTUALLY satisfactory relationship.

No, it's all about him.

To hell with that, if you want more, keep searching.

Good luck.

[Tropx]

Thanks.

Walking away is probably the best course of action for everyone concerned.

As ^ pointed out, if he wants me to bent over backwards for him and he doesn't even try, then what's the point?

I do have other FwB mind you and none of them are this strange. They're all a simple hang out, get horny, we play, we hang out afterwards bitching about life and work over a drink or tea, then cheerio til next time.

Why do I always fall for the damaged ones? Lol.

[LateBloomer]

Thanks.

Walking away is probably the best course of action for everyone concerned.

As ^ pointed out, if he wants me to bent over backwards for him and he doesn't even try, then what's the point?

I do have other FwB mind you and none of them are this strange. They're all a simple hang out, get horny, we play, we hang out afterwards bitching about life and work over a drink or tea, then cheerio til next time.

Why do I always fall for the damaged ones? Lol.

I don't want to get heavy, but this is a pretty important question.

If you see a clear pattern of attraction to people who cause you trouble, then you might have your OWN issues you need to clear up before initiating an honest monogamous relationship.

Just a suggestion based on one seemingly tongue in cheek comment, but you know better than I.

[Tropx]

Perhaps, for not every guy I have been is damaged per se.