Is this a gay guy thing? Or just a guy thing? People confuse me...

[Lalo]

You can't be disappointed about these types of things happening online. When you think about it, the net is the perfect place for people to falsify who they are and what their desires are. There is a degree of anonymity that just leads to that behavior. It is not a "gay" thing. The same thing happens on straight sites as well.

Some people troll the web for "fake dates". These people get a pale imitation of "real" emotional involvement by going through the dating process on-line, then abandoning everything when reality encroaches. They get to experience all of the joys of discovering a new person, finding out their likes and dislikes, and even fantasizing about them. But when push comes to shove, and they are required to actually move the relationship into reality, they run away. Why? Because it is "safer". This way, they get to enjoy part of the "fun" of the discovery phase of a relationship, while remaining in complete control. What they don't realize is that developing those types of pseudo-relationships is just like using heroin. You may get a great buzz and feel wonderful at first, but every time the high ends you are left wanting more until the "high" takes over your life, and you can't develop any intimate relationships.

Having said all of that, I also have to say that just because those people are out there doesn't mean that online dating never works. It can. One of my best friends met her partner of 10 years online. She went through a hell of a lot of "almosts" before doing so though! One guy even used voice-changing software to pretend to be a fellow lesbian, and created this elaborate scenario to pull on my friend's emotions.

It's rough out there. People can be jerks and I am sorry that you have run into your fair share of them. But hang in there. I wish you luck.

[archubbycub]

I can tell you for a fact that there are some pretty decent guys out on the interwebs. They just seem to be few and far between. And you have to know how to weed through all the bullshit to find the right one. A lot of times, the online date/hook up sites and apps are just that...hook up sites. Just guys (and girls) looking for a one night stand. But occasionally you find a gem among all the "rocks."

I was lucky I guess because I met the guy who is now my boyfriend on Growlr and we really hit it off. I downloaded that app to my phone just for shits and giggles honestly, but there was this one guy I noticed (my cubbybear as I like to call him now) who seemed just a little bit different. All the other guys who chatted me up on there only seemed interested in one thing, getting to see what's between my legs. But this guy never asked to see any nudes of me. And he also had a line in his profile about being tired of everyone just wanting to hook up.

So we talked a lot online, and FaceTimed, and about a month later we finally met. I drove down to where he lived and we went out to eat and to see a movie and then got ice cream afterwards. It was a really great time and now fast forward to today we're living together and are madly in love.

Did I have my doubts at first, of course. Honestly I was scared to death driving to his house because I'd never done anything like that. But now I'm glad I did. So I say all of that to tell you that the online dating thing does work, but it's usually a rare thing. Like the others said, get out in the real world, join some LGBT groups, make some friends who are LGBT or LGBT friendly, and don't be afraid if one if them wants to set you up on a date with a friend of theirs. You never know what might happen!

Oh, and BTW...GoT RULES!!!

[Chas]

First guy I wouldn't worry too much over, this is very much a thing that happens on dating sites a lot.

The second guy sounds like he's a little sensitive. If someone said to me what you did to him, I would laugh it off and try to say something witty back.

[MisterTinkles]

Welcome to "gay life" in the USA!!


This is stereotypical bullshit that you have to put up with. Not just "gay" but just being online.

And you are SO right on point, when stating they are highly sensitive, disappear off the face of the planet, or lead you on to just ignore you. This is "standard" reaction to being online.

I have been through YEARS of this mind fucking bullshit. Until I got to the point I didnt get on these kinds of sites anymore. I DEFINITELY dont "do" FB or Twitter, or any other site like that.
My personal life is personal. My friends have my phone number, my address, and my personal email. If they want to contact me and know whats up with me, they have those sources to use.

My sister and friend in Seattle have been after me for years to join FB. I did break down and join once, anonymously...and they hacked into my email. So I reported them to the Feds and expunged them from my pc.

Anyway....

Your descriptions of your dealings are all standard issue with online people. They dont want REAL HUMAN BEINGS for friends, they just want someone to listen to them bitch, whine, and moan and hopefully make themselves into some kind of person they arent.

Out of all the people I have "talked" too via online sites, chat rooms, chat phone lines, I have only met about 10 people in real life. And out of those 10 people, none of them were true to the bullshit and lies they told me about themselves.

I have one gay friend. Just so happens we work in the same part of hell. Found out he had the same kind of sense of humor I do, and we started talking. When my mother died, he offered to help me out with running around town getting stuff done. Now we go see movies together, go to the clubs sometimes, and just hang out.

I think its more difficult to find a real friend, than it is someone to date.

But thats my opinion.

[bluefox4000]

This is precisely the reason i hate the online dating/meeting up thing. RARELY a happy ending.

Don't worry man.


Mick

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Sorry if this is all rambly (is that a word?)...

No sorry, 'rambly' is not a real word, but I honestly think it should be - so lets you and I use it all the time and make it a 'real' word. :biggrin:


they either a) are overly sensitive), b) have absolutely no sense of humour.. or C) randomly disappear and ignore me.

I fear you will find this in most people.

I think these experiences are typical of the species (homo sapience) and not just a 'gay thing'.

I have no idea why. But then I am hard pressed to explain a lot of what humans do.

As for the Facebook guy, he is digging his own grave and will lie in it. Or making his own bed - which ever suits your type of humor. Yeah I know, the actions of others can lodge in the brain and be frustrating because some people need a rational 'reason' for such oddities. But I fear more often than not you walk away with no reasonable explanation and a bit of frustration.

[MisterTinkles]

Oh yeah baby, slap me with that waffle AGAIN!




You got some maple syrup daddy? Get me all wet and sticky!!!

[Tropx]

Some guys are just "head melters". Melts your brain from their sheer baggage/drama and for being a dick.

Gives me a headache thinking about my former FwB for instance. Is it so hard to meet just normal ppl?

[MisterTinkles]

Some guys are just "head melters". Melts your brain from their sheer baggage/drama and for being a dick.

Gives me a headache thinking about my former FwB for instance. Is it so hard to meet just normal ppl?

Depends on what you mean by "normal".

If you mean those who dont play mind games, lie, cheat, steal, use, abuse, and screw you over....then yes, it is VERY difficult to meet someone who isnt a dick.

[Nick9]

oh, so it really IS a saying? To be slapped with a waffle? I thought you had made that up

The problem with him getting mad at you could simply be a misunderstanding caused by "talking by writing."
You can't read your partner's body language, the expression of his face, you don't listen to the tone of his voice.
He could be tired, unfocused, not in the mood for any joking. His friend could bother him with the game all the time and your mentioning it could be the last straw.
He expected you to understand that he had no desire to joke, but you didn't know.

Talking over the internet - I mean writing more than talking - requires for both of you to be careful. More than you ever would be face to face.