Things just didnt work out :(

[bryandurel]

I thought I might as well vent out about my last couple of months - I think this forum is more than anything else the friendliest place to do it.

I started seeing a guy who I met on Manhunt - I thought it wasnt going to lead to anything really but it did. He was that guy I always fantasized about - you know tall, with the most gargantuan of hands that you could dream off. Initially I wanted to just see what it would be like to go after a guy liked that and it was fun.

Then we started dating for real, and at the beginning it was fun. Well the sex was but the more time I spent with him, the more... annoying he became. The sex became painful and at times it went beyond choking and at time's he'd hit me. Sometimes he'd punch me in the arm when we were just hanging around and quite honestly it hurt.

And then he would start putting me in a headlock and start giving me noogies. I mean I felt like I was in fourth grade again being bullied but I thought it was all part of the package really. But seriously - I got noogied!

And then i got afraid of him and I wouldnt talk to him and he'd bitch about me being a wuss and blame me for never wanting to heave sex. I mean... I was genuinely afraid of him, so I would agree to anything that he'd want to do besides sex. I didnt want sex all the time, I wanted a bit of romance.

So i just turtled like I normally do - I hid in my books. I read all the time and eventually he broke up with me (mentally I broke up with him a month before that). He said I wasnt fun and was leaving me. I pretended to be sad at the whole thing but in my mind, I was like 'THANK FUCKING GOD' (even though I don't really believe in him/it/her anymore).

I swear, I'm an idiot.

[Nick9]

Hi,

hmm, actually you are not. When people from outside hear your story, they may think, OMG why did you stay so long? What were you thinking?
Like it was always that easy.

Try to remember it though and learn from the experience. Next time you could be stuck in a much worse relationship. As Mr. Tinkles says - if the relationship isn't working, either work on it, or leave.
Notice that there is nothing like "stay and be passive and unhappy."

Good luck

[MisterLove]

Well, you did nothing wrong and you're definitely NOT an idiot but I can't say the same of your ex boyfriend. I don't want to be judgemental or rude but he seems to be an egotistical p****. I'm glad you got rid of him.

Anyway, it's all over now. Forgive and forget, that's my advice. Don't keep any resentment, don't get into any more trouble with your ex (you deserve better) and get on with your life.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Beyond choking... so choking was acceptable?

If you are into some BDSM/Leather Sex - Rough Trade - whatever you want to call it, there is bound to be issues and conflicts of interests between you and your partner. No two people have exactly the same sex of interests in that area - so both usually want to try other things, do other things and that can lead to misunderstandings unless both or all individuals involved sit down and really discuss the ins and outs, set limits, set safe words, etc.

Shoulder punches, noogies and that sort of behavior may not be a sign of abuse, but a sign of immaturity. I know a lot of guys who show affections with these sorts of physically 'violent' outbursts. Its not really abuse, its a 'guy thing'.

Did you two ever talk? I mean serious sit down with computer, TV, cellphones and other distractions off and talk about what expectations and limits you all had?

If not, then perhaps in the next relationship you will take this as a 'sign' and seriously talk with the next partner.

I'm sorry this didn't work out for you. Perhaps there are lessons here you can take from it, 'positive' learning from negative experiences?