Men suck-but how I wish I had one!

[Grey]

So those of you who have read my other posts know that I just broke up with the only bf I've ever had after nine years together. Its going to be a long time before I need to date I guess, seeing as our relationship is having a super messy ending, but the loneliness is killing me. I mean I haven't been alone since I was 15, and especially since my life is such crap right now it makes me even more lonely. Of course even if I was ready to date I wouldn't know where to look, because it seems like men are all assholes...or at least the ones I know (except one and I can't have him anyway so it doesn't matter). Anyway just thought I'd bitch about being alone!

[rmf]

I would suggest holding off on dating, for a little while.... You need time to heal. Stay strong Grey!

[SolemnBoy]

Pun intended?

[Chas]

It is too premature to think about dating again in my opinion. I took a year out when I left my ex and it has made my views on dating again so much different to what I would of done back then.

[Sylph]

Gurl, Sis, I don't got time for men right now, cause I gotta get my life together.

Although, appearantly I'm not attractive to men because of my "overt" fem-ness, so I guess I don't gotsa worry

And being alone, I can attest to, is such a good feeling and I was in your situation not long ago and eerily similar as well. You need to develop your own identity and drop the "we" for "me" and make the most of your life. Which you do not need someone else to do, especially if you can't cope with being alone.

Gurl, shake your imaginary dreads and get a clue missus, this is your time to do you,boo. The past is the past and as us Empaths(<3) know, cannot afflict the future emotionally, but only lay the foundation for how you build your temple sis, and how you percieve emotions in the present, of which should not revolve around such negative energies.

It'll more repel than attract any men you wish to and is very self-depricating.

Get with it missus and get glad, life moves on sweets.

[Counselor]

Swear off dating until you are okay with who you are without someone (I know it's trite, but I believe it). You should know your individual value before you dedicate so much of yourself to someone else.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Its not premature to think about it... but it may be premature to act on that thinking.

I haven't mentioned this on other threads because I didn't feel you would be ready to think along these roads, but since you brought up the desire to start dating again...

Since you had an abusive childhood and that was followed by falling for an abusive type BF for an abusive relationship it is very possible that you are going to end up having the same problem(s) I had in finding a decent fellow.

Apparently we wear a sign on our backs that says kick me. <--- Google Links

For some odd reason we 'signal' potential abusers that we are potential victims, thus we find ourselves getting into one abusive situation after another.

Its a bit of a two way street. due to our experiences we have certain behaviors that wave a red flag and bring the attention of abusers to us, and remarkably, a lot of those same behaviors drive potential good guys away.

There is a flip side to this, there is something about abusers that attract us. Granted, no abuser actually acts and behaves abusively when we first meet them, however all of that charm and 'niceness' they ooze when we meet them, that strong personality, that sense that they will treat us better... its something that abusers do.

Most of this attraction and 'picking' that sort of person happens unconsciously, however we have the ability to strengthen our shields and to send out a different signal as to lessen the chances of getting into a relationship with another abuser.

I want for you to bring up this subject with your therapist, ask him/her what character traits s/he feels you possess that may draw a sociopath/psychopath (Abuser).

Also try to figure out what it is about the partner that attracted you, and see if you can correlate personality traits of his to those of 'typical' abusers.

I think if you become aware of the signals you send, and what it is you do to pass the abusers earlier tests (oh they test us to see if we are a good victim or not), perhaps you can steer clear of future abusive situations.

The thing you got going for you that I didn't at your age, is you have a therapist and you are working on stuff. You really are doing very good that many others who share similar life paths.

[Kiid]

Men have little use if you are gay. Cept for companionship. There is no need to settle down at the age of 23. There's plenty of time to get a man. TBH I want a boy. Someone who acts around the same age I act. I think that relationships are OVERRATED. I've never had one that lasted longer than half a year and half a year was still longer than the longest relationship I've had.




What I'm saying is don't rush it or you may regret it.