At what age did you know you were gay?

[Chas]

I was 11 when I fully realised that I was gay, although I knew I didn't like girls in that way from a very young age. First year of my all boys secondary school in London and I feighned sickness when I got a little excited as the rest of my class for changed for a PE lesson. I was mortified at what happened (even though no one else saw) and rarely did another PE lesson. It took another 11 years to come out and stop being so scared of what others might think though.

[ZipZapZop]

Amen to Kumawool's post. Just going to add: Your son may or may not being trans-gendered. Probably not, however if he is, it's completely normal, just like being gay. Not a choice or anything like that, something that people just know about themselves. If your son continues to express a desire to be a woman, a councilor would probably be the best option.

Sometimes I have wanted to be a woman, and felt envious of my female friends. I consider myself "bigender", that is, feeling I fit into different roles at different times, and am happy being the XY sex but feel I might be just as happy as XX.

[daisy]

Amen to Kumawool's post. Just going to add: Your son may or may not being trans-gendered. Probably not, however if he is, it's completely normal, just like being gay. Not a choice or anything like that, something that people just know about themselves. If your son continues to express a desire to be a woman, a councilor would probably be the best option.

Sometimes I have wanted to be a woman, and felt envious of my female friends. I consider myself "bigender", that is, feeling I fit into different roles at different tiemes, and am happy being the XY sex but feel I might be just as happy as XX.

Good insight. I am very open to counseling if he feels he needs it. I am definitely of the opinion that being gay or transgendered is normal, and that people are born who they are. To say I choose to be attracted to men is absurd. And if my son is attracted to boys/ men I don't think he had any more of a choice than I did.

Chas, he told me he is nervous about the locker room in Jr. High. Gym is required daily at his school and he will have to change in front of other boys. He won't have a choice. Any advice I can give him? When he told me he was nervous I told him to look away. But I felt it was kind of weak advice. I can only imagine what an uncomfortable thing that is going to be for him.

[daisy]

Hmm. I was a sheltered child, I didn't actually understand what "gay" was until grade 9ish. Anything gay was banned from my father's home.

Oddly, From grade 6 to grade 9 I had feelings for a friend, and he had them back for me. Neither of us really understood what they meant, and over time I think he realised he was bi-sexual rather than gay, and he said quote on quote, "You know how awhile ago, some people thought I was gay? I'm not. Like, I like gay people and stuff, I think some of my friends don't like them though, like [insert a random friend], but I think it's okay to be gay, but I'm not. Haha.".

So whatever. No big deal. I cried myself to sleep for like a week. I began to actually understand in grade 9 that I wasn't like everyone else, but I would try to have a normal relationship. I thought that if I went out with a girl that I would "become" normal.

But that didn't work.

In grade 10 I accepted AND UNDERSTOOD, finally, that I was gay. I educated myself using Wipe Out Homophobia on Facebook as to what sexuality and everything was. I love that page .

In a way, I'm a little bit jealous of people who knew when they were like 10. I knew I was different, but I didn't understand for ages, and it caused some problems in my youth. Had I been raised by my mom, things would have been different.

You have an opportunity as a parent to help your son along, to make sure he doesn't have to go through the slow process of coming to terms with himself alone. You can get him into groups of people that think like him (if he's a nerd, he'll fit well into nerdish things, and meet great friends, and BONUS, nerds don't tend to get too involved in the drug scene ).

Now, I'm going to address some of your concerns I sincerely believe that homosexuality impacts personality, and that one of the things many homosexual persons experience is that many of us shrug off gender roles. Some homosexual men are very feminine, a lot have done girlish things, a lot aren't into sports. Some of the exact same men grow up and go into the army. Some don't. But it doesn't mean your son will want to turn into a girl. Remember: Gender and sexuality are very unrelated, people who change genders don't usually change their interested in at the same time. A lot of men that become girls become lesbians, and in other countries, gender swapping is regarded as a cure to homosexuality! Being gay does NOT mean being a female .

Personally, when I was young, I used to want to be a girl, I thought they had easier lives! I think I was so wrong, today I'm very happy to be male. Things change, and your son's experience isn't unhealthy. His willingness to try all sorts of things right in front of you means he is comfortable around his parents, and that's something you should be so so proud of.

If you have questions, pages like this are always around for you. Hopefully you can come back and get to know some of us, and get insight into your son... although to be honest, you're doing a good job already. You care, that's like parenting rule one. .

This is really helpful. My 11 son is a nerd and proud of it! My 16 year old son is also a nerd and has a wonderful group of nerdy friends. They are great kids. Not into drugs or alcohol. And one of the boys in his group of friends is openly gay and its just not an issue. My son suspects another of his friends is too. My son has been friends with him since they were in elementary school and actually asked him if he gay was and the boy told my son that he could not be gay because he is Christian (I actually felt bad for this kid when my son told me. This is a sweet kid with very very religious parents).

I think often the nerdy kids are more accepting of peoples differences rather than trying to conform to the "popular" group.

[skijor]

Daisy. I remember being nervous also. I think that is natural for any boy, gay or straight. Especially if they are self- conscious of their appearance. Though as a gay boy they also have the fear of getting an erection in front of the other boys. But at that age most boys get that regardless of their orientation. It's just called puberty.

[mbennet35]

The first moment of me starting to realize I was gay was when I was 13 years old. I was online searching for some games to play when I miss spelled a word and it took me to a bunch of images of guys in their underwear. I was kind of confused at first but then I found myself liking what I saw.

I didn't really think much of it till a few months later when ever I met this person online that I was talking to and then we started talking about how he was gay and asked me if I was. That when when I started to actually think about it. I was sheltered as a kid so I really didn't know much about it. By the age of 16 I knew fully who I was.

[Sylph]

Anytime Daisy Sis <3. Just say the word and I'll fly into your life like a butterfly on the wind and slap you with glitter and give you your whole entire life and gracefully exit stage left, cause you know us butterflies don't got time to be giving everyone life, as we only live for so long. We need to get our lives too.

Also, so everyone knows, even though I'm probably one of the gayest things going since Hot Dogs, I did have a girlfriend once, nothing overly romantic but holding hands and then one night we did each other's hair and kinda became girlfriends lol. (I don't think we would've lasted long, cause she just didn't pack correct)

And a good friend of mine is a Super Queen and is who I get my giggles from, but he only likes girls! ONLY! Lol, even though he claims growing up, he thought he was attracted to boys because he's so feminine, he fit in with girls more and assumed he was supposed to have a boyfriend, but he just like Fish and not Rods, so he hangs with girls, but hooks up with them too(not every girl he hangs with ofcourse...he no slut! :p ).

Just sayin Sis.

[elad12]

I knew I liked boys when I was in grammer school, pretty early. My problem was that I was sexually abused by a neighbor kid from like 4 to 8 which made my attraction to boys that much more confusing. The abuse was not pleasant and at that age I wasn't thinking about having sex with other boys, I just was attracted to them and not the girls. As I grew older a part of my knew I was gay but I guess I did not want to be. I had few friends but I was attracted to some of them. I knew they weren't gay so I never acted on my attraction. I did have one secret boy friend in High School who was gay and approached me.I grew up in a very religious home and could not wait to get out which I did my last day of High School.
To make a very long story short, I moved to a very rural area and didn't meet another gay person for years. I married a woman (who I did love). We lived together as best friends for 30 years when she died of cancer. A few years later I came out at 60. That was last December. I wish I'd come out at 11 like your son. I'm glad you are proud of him and you love him. My family know except my mother (father died) and are supportive.

[James]

Ok then, does your city have a pflag group, parents and friends of lesbions and gays. These people are amazing, if your city has a group attend just one of their meetings and get to know them, Jim

[BabyPolarBear]

In the summer before my jr. year in high school I was reading this web comic and it mad me realize i was gay.