At what age did you know you were gay?

[Liam]

I realised I was bi when I was about 12, because I felt attracted to a friend I had back then and I wanted to know more about this feeling I had. I didn't know what bissexuality was, and I was pretty confused because I also felt attracted to girls.

Some time went by and I forgot about these doubts. But like everyone else does, I started searching for porn online when I hit puberty, and sometimes I found myself paying more attention to the guy than the girl (sorry if that's innapropriate). Then I just accepted I like both. And as I know gay people are not as accepted as straight people, I thought I could hide these feelings until I was ready to talk or until I couldn't hold it anymore. I thought liking girls was an "advantage".

Then I went to college, and a classmate caught my eye right on the first day. I just couldn't stop looking at him, especially when he smiled. I just found myself thinking about him more than I usually do think about a crush, and I thought it meant it was time for me to stop fearing. I told my best friend when we were hanging out, and she was ok with it (she has some gay friends) and told me to call her whenever I needed to talk about this.

I got to know the guy I had a crush on, and we became friends really fast. Then he started to do some gestures with me (such as passing his hand through my hair) that were pretty intimate, and the crush got even stronger. I came to GaySpeak for advice then.

Some time went by and despite of all the twists and turns, this guy became my first boyfriend. I decided to come out then; I already had someone, I couldn't keep it as a secret for much longer.

My parents as his were really acceptive, so were our friends. If I knew the people closest to me were going to be so nice, I wouldn't wait until I'm 18 to come out, I would at age 12. That's why I envy your son; I wish I was as brave as he is when I was his age!

By the way, great parenting there!

[James]

Good insight. I am very open to counseling if he feels he needs it. I am definitely of the opinion that being gay or transgendered is normal, and that people are born who they are. To say I choose to be attracted to men is absurd. And if my son is attracted to boys/ men I don't think he had any more of a choice than I did.

Chas, he told me he is nervous about the locker room in Jr. High. Gym is required daily at his school and he will have to change in front of other boys. He won't have a choice. Any advice I can give him? When he told me he was nervous I told him to look away. But I felt it was kind of weak advice. I can only imagine what an uncomfortable thing that is going to be for him.

As an old trucker once said as he relived himself in the middle of the road, " i look at it this way, if they havn't seen it before they won't know what i is, and if they have they won't care", in france wheen I was there a "few" years ago. men and women used the same toilet. Don't worry about what others think, we all, people I mean, have the same equipment to more or less degrees, and when someone says something which hurts, try to remember the source, they are probably worse off and looking for their own ego boost, Jim

[hank]

I hope I am posting this in the right place and apologize if I'm not! I would love to know how old people were when they knew they were gay.

My 11 year old son told me he is gay (and for the record I am thrilled he trusts me and can share with me). Is it unusual to know this young? I hugged my son, told him that I loved him and that nothing will change that and he just had a big smile on his face and told me he was glad he told me and feels a weight off his shoulder. I told him that no matter what, I love him and that he is stuck with me

He also told his 14 year old sister and my daughter pretty much had the same reaction I did. She and he are very close. And then the 3 of us hugged.

I guess I have always assumed he probably was gay. From the time he was a toddler I just I had a feeling. Can't put my finger on it but it was there. I have just know. My 11 year old son and I are very close. My 2 older teenagers also assumed he was gay. My 16 year old son every year since he started high school particpates in the day of silence.

I have been very vocal about my support of gay marriage and have raised my kids to support equal rights for everybody. I vote my views and even would not let my boys join scouts due to their discrimintory practices.

My 11 year old follows the news about gay marriage very closely and keeps me updated in great detal. I asked him why and last year he told me that he was not sure if he wanted to marry a man or woman and wanted to option (not exactly typical for a 10 year old)

I just assumed he would not realize it until he was older.


So i would love to hear from people who are gay when they knew. Especially if you knew when very young. And how did you know for sure?

I am female and married to a man. (unhappily, lots and lots of stress). My kids are scared of my husband and my son asked me to not tell my husband. I have mentioned to my husband over the years that I would not be suprised if our youngest son is gay and my husbands reaction has been that is impossible because "there have never been any gay people in the family on either side" (I told him that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. And in addition to many reasons its dumb, I asked him how he knew that!)

My son asked me to not tell my husband what he told me his reaction. I promised him I would not break his confidence and that I would let him tell him when he is ready. That makes me sad that he does not want him to know, but I don't blame him knowing how my husband is.

My son is about to start 6th grade and I know from expeirence with my other kids, Jr. High is brutal. Any advice I can give him? He has had bullying issues in the past because is is a self described "nerdy smart kid".

I don't want to tell him to hide who he is, but don't want him to be hurt either. I don't know what the best advice for him would be. He is already super nervous about starting Jr. High.

To add to this, he does enjoy wearing girls clothing in the privacy of our home and has told me he sometimes wishes he was born a girl. He also had told me that he likes to pretend he is my daughter instead of son. Which makes me wonder if he has gender identity issues? Possible transgender rather than gay?

Its my understanding that being gay is about being attracted to the same gender. And he told me he likes boys. But the dressing like a girl , is that a common thing for gay boys? a When his older sister outgrew dresses he would snag them before they went to donation and I let him keep them (much to my husbands upset). He loves girly things and even as a small boy had no interest in sports or typical boy stuff and preferred barbies, dolls, etc.


I want to make it clear I support and love him no matter what, I just have nobody to talk to about these issues in my daily life and would really like to hear others opinions.

Sorry for the rambling post. I hope to hear others exeriences, perspectives, and mabe a bit of advice.

I really didn't know i was queer until about 15 years old. Looking back on my boyhood i saw some things that in retrospect tells me that i was queer but it didn't register at the time.

God bless you for bring so kind to your boy. I told my folks when i was 17 are they caught me looking at pornography. My mom flipped out and my dad shed if I was a faggot.

[Wiggedjay]

Daisy thank you for an awesome post. Your are an inspiration to us all in regard to unconditional love. I was 15 when I realized I was gay. That epiphany moment came when I was talking to a couple of girls in Mrs Honeyman's Friday afternoon English class, I still remember their names 41 years later, Beverly and Rebbecca. We were discussing what our plans were for the weekend, theirs included going out with their boyfriends, as they said this the thought popped in to my head that I wished I was going out with my boyfriend. To put this into context, since I was 11 I had crushes on boys, one black boy in particular, we used to play a tickling game, which I enjoyed for reasons other than a spot of boyish pranks. At the same time I also started dressing in girls clothes, I used to wear my Mums clothes but was always uncomfortable in those and wanted my own. I used to buy my own panty hose and stockings from my pocket money. The other source of girly clothes was from the items I collected for the scout jumble sales. I felt more comfortable in those as I wanted to be a girl in my own right. I am not sure if I am transgendered in the true sense of the word in that I want my body to match my brain, however it is something that sometimes rears its head but in the main I am happy to just be interested in girly things and with my boyfriends play the more feminine role. I digress, while I had these feelings for a number of years I never realized what that meant until that moment. It was very soon after that I had my first gay experience which was just so fantastic, I wanted to tell my two friends, Rebbecca and Beverly, about it but could never bring myself to come out when I was in school. We lost touch about a year after school, I don't know where they are today, probably married with grandchildren by now. Me I have gone to live a full and varied life that has taken me all over the world, I am currently living in India, I have never settled down with a long term partner, there have been several boy friends that have lasted for a few Fridays. At the moment I am in to the 3rd month of a relationship with a cute Indian guy so lets see where that goes.

I write this hopefully to encourage you that others go through this and live happy fulfilled lives.

Just continue being the fantastic Mom you are as for a lot of us the reality is that we have not had Mums as embracing as you are. Please keep us informed of how your son gets on. I cannot give advice about coming out at school as I was to scared too, but I think Beverly and Rebbeca knew as they always said to me that I was very different from the other boys, I take that as a compliment. If only they knew the real truth!

[RainbowGayPower]

It may sound weird to sime but i can remember that i was attracted to boys from the age of 10 and earlier

[princealbertofb]

This is really helpful. My 11 son is a nerd and proud of it! My 16 year old son is also a nerd and has a wonderful group of nerdy friends. They are great kids. Not into drugs or alcohol. And one of the boys in his group of friends is openly gay and its just not an issue. My son suspects another of his friends is too. My son has been friends with him since they were in elementary school and actually asked him if he gay was and the boy told my son that he could not be gay because he is Christian (I actually felt bad for this kid when my son told me. This is a sweet kid with very very religious parents).

I think often the nerdy kids are more accepting of peoples differences rather than trying to conform to the "popular" group.

Daisy, I hope you can be a role model and surrogate parent to the young Christian friend when sh*t starts to hit the fan. You could be instrumental in making his life easier and maybe helping his parents cope with what they might view as a difficulty. Cheers, Daisy.

[ManicReptile21]

I believe my very first expectation that I was different was in 1998, when nsync forst performed a concert on the disney channel. my sister was a big fan and i watched it and when i made the remark I liked lance bass. she told me that guys couldn't like guys. Since then I begged to differ and never once felt any attraction to women. so i guess before that date i had no idea i might be any different. I was 8.

[naitsirc]

I went to an all boys high school and I remember that their were some boys that I liked looking at but I did not realise what that meant as naive as it sounds. It was only when I was in the army that I met another gay guy that I realised I was gay. I was 18.

[Juniorlove]

I came out to myself at age 16. I'd say from age 11 I started having minor crushes on boys but told myself they were lies.

[sillyboy86]

I don't know, it's strange and I really never tought about it. Maybe, my bestfriend at the high school was not only a friend, but I didn't realize that he was a crush. Or maybe before.
I realize it only after my 18... And I accepted it... Did I already accepted it? Mhh...