So, you've got such BAD problems....

[Chase]

When you are starving, living in a cardboard box, and wondering if you will live to see tomorrow.....THEN you can bitch about what problems you have!

By this pseudo-logic of yours, people who are homeless shouldn't bitch about their problems because of people in slave camps.

[SolemnBoy]

The logic in that post is seriously messed up.

I agree that in many cases when people tell me about their "problems" I find myself thinking "but... that's not really a problem". On the other hand, just like Meg said, you can't tell people to be happy with what they've got just because there are people in the world who have it way worse. Let's take your criteria for not having any problems and see if we can fit something in.

Do you have a place to live?
Do you have food to eat?
Do you have clothes on your back?
Do you have a job or income of some sort?

Let's assume that I have all of that plus a boyfriend whom I love but who's been cheating on me and I can't imagine my life without him whereas I don't want to be with someone I can't trust either. Clearly a PROBLEM. Not the worst problem in the world but a problem nonetheless.

This is a LGBT forum with a large number of teens in particular. Problem threads are VERY MUCH to be expected. You don't have to reply to them or even read them if you don't want to. Fear of having your problems belittled by remarks like yours is probably one of the reasons why some people just keep things bottled up.

[Dan1980]

I volunteer at a homeless shelter I have been for a while. They are good people at the shelter and I have no problems talking to them when I am around town. I have had a lady stop me in the street and said why talk to those people. I told her to shut up they are the same as everyone else and should be treated with respect.

[SolemnBoy]

I hate to be blunt, but one of the most annoying things to me personally is when people whine and moan about their issues. At least try to be productive.

I'm not saying that all the people on this site moan and bitch for no good reason on those threads, but you have to admit that when people don't even ask for specific and coherent advice and just randomly air their 'problems' out to the public, it takes effort not to just punch them in the face and yell 'AUUGH SHUT UP'

Honestly, I don't believe that coddling every single person with hugs and empty sympathy who says they're sad because they're not having the sex they want or having intermittent doubts about their relation ship, is good for them at all. The only way to learn self-sufficiency and inner strength is really a tough titties approach.

I agree and disagree. First of all, I think we can all agree that not getting the kind of sex you want isn't a problem worth sharing and getting sympathy for.

Between myself and my friends the ahem, "tough titties approach" is the most common - and it works well because we can't stand sugarcoating and actually seek out constructive advice. Like you said, some people don't seem to want your advice, just your listening. The thing is, just sharing your problems can sometimes be cathartic. People deal with their issues in different ways. I deal with them entirely within myself unless other people are somehow involved. What I discovered, however, is that sometimes it helps to just talk to someone about what's wrong - whether or not it's followed by advice. So now I do that like once every 2-3 years when I feel like I need it.

The problem with all of this is that there are people who emphasize their problems for nothing but attention. Because of this, some people are quick to assume a certain person is crying for attention rather than help when he's sharing his problems. That's pretty much how my introvert, "bottle it all up" tactic began: I was afraid of being called attention-seeking, and then it just sort of turned into a habit.

Also, the tough titties approach isn't always the best way to go either. Of course sugar-coating is just counter-productive but if someone seems sensitive and vulnerable there's nothing wrong with delivering your advice in a kinder tone.

I'm not sure what I want to say exactly but I ask everyone to be careful in their assumptions.

[PaulUK]

Close this thread i think. Not a good look for new members or guests who see this.

[Rawr]

Complaining is a natural part of life, and a good way to connect with others who can relate. Without it, our emotions would probably build up and we'd all go insane... or a little more insane then we already are.

The thing is, people now and again come here to vent, let out their anger and emotions. You don't have to read it, you can simply close the thread and move on. It doesn't make them any more of a complainer than the rest of us. Perhaps they never complain, but it's getting to the point where they need to let a little bit of anger out to stay sane, or prevent them from assaulting their loved ones.

This thread to me feels like a complaint about people who are complaining, as well as a guilt trip for feeling bad when others have it worse.

On a side note: Not all homeless people are their due to having a problem(s). I was watching a documentary a while back and a few 'homeless' people stated it was by choice. I can quite understand, for at some point back in history, we were all homeless. Or should I say 'house-less,'. To them, the environment is their home.

[PaulUK]

Anybody agree to close this thread?

[Tropx]

The logic in that post is seriously messed up.

I agree that in many cases when people tell me about their "problems" I find myself thinking "but... that's not really a problem". On the other hand, just like Meg said, you can't tell people to be happy with what they've got just because there are people in the world who have it way worse. Let's take your criteria for not having any problems and see if we can fit something in.

Do you have a place to live?
Do you have food to eat?
Do you have clothes on your back?
Do you have a job or income of some sort?

Let's assume that I have all of that plus a boyfriend whom I love but who's been cheating on me and I can't imagine my life without him whereas I don't want to be with someone I can't trust either. Clearly a PROBLEM. Not the worst problem in the world but a problem nonetheless.

This is a LGBT forum with a large number of teens in particular. Problem threads are VERY MUCH to be expected. You don't have to reply to them or even read them if you don't want to. Fear of having your problems belittled by remarks like yours is probably one of the reasons why some people just keep things bottled up.

Well said.

[megumidesu]

as a child , i had a place to live , food (enough to stop me from completely dying , even if it wasn't much) , clothes , and an income .
but my problems at that time were definitely very , very real.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Well what have these homeless done to get out of their situation? Clearly they were just too lazy or whatever the idiotic problems are that these people cant be bothered to do anything about but complain about being homeless.

(^^^copied and pasted for our education)

Mr. Tinkles, unlike you, not everyone knows how to deal with their own problems. Yeah sure its the same thread over and over and over again, just different names and ages and details, but the same narrow series of problems wash up on Gayspeak's shore. Day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year... Yes it is exhausting to say the same thing in a different way so it will appear that you at least are targeting the individual instead of copy and pasting a form letter....

These are problems for these people. Yeah I know, there are starving people, homeless people, people dying from cancer so to an outsider relationship problems appear to be pretty damn trivial, but its not trivial to the person who is living through it.

Now I know its been about three centuries since your heart was last broken, and about 8 centuries when you were young and aimless and falling hard for your first love - so clearly there is good reason for you to have forgotten how real that sort of pain is. Let me assure you, pain of the heart is as painful as being homeless on the street, or living in a sewer under the street.

I personally have been in both sorts of pain - neither is fun and I am really hard pressed to say which is worse. No actually, for me the pain of being homeless is more bearable and manageable than the pain of a broken heart.

Gayspeak is not here to help the homeless, its here to help LGBT and part of that is to give relationship advice. So yeah we are going to see a lot of 'HELP ME WITH MY BF!' threads here, its part of the territory.