could do with a friendly chat :)

[lauram340]

hey guys
i know i havent posted on here much but i kinda need a friendly chat and i know you guys will be lovely to me
you see, there is this girl that i was kinda seeing a few years back and she totally messed with me to the extent that i stopped eating and that i couldnt sleep and more. The eating and the sleeping wasnt on purpose at all it just happened. Anyway, she came over yesterday and one thing lead to another and now im feeling that i am going in the same way as i was before, but this time i know its happening but i cant stop myself. i have totally fallen for her and i think its because that i know that i cant have her and that i shouldnt have her that im drawn to her even more. I mean i dont have many mates at the moments and they really dont want me to go down that route but i cant help it
she is coming over tomorrow and what i want from her and what she wants from me are two completely different things and i know that i wont get my way. my first piece of help is how can i say to her that i dont want her to come over tomorrow and secondly has anyone here been in the same situation and how did you deal with it?

[pocket_pilgrim]

hello laura!

sounds to me like you are faced with a big dilemma, but i think you are expecting a quick-fix solution to it. i think most, if not all of us have been there - in different contexts of course: having feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same. it happens and it's unavoidable, as people can't control what their hearts feel. so, in your case, it's pretty clear that your heart is doing things that your mind does not want it to. only natural, especially since this person played a lover's role in your life at some point. all the feelings come back rushing in, despite the way you two got separated.

i think what you could do is just be honest with her. meet her tomorrow, scared as you are, and tell her, calmly and upfront, what you feel - about how you broke up (and what that did to you) and about the present situation. refuse to play the game, especially since you two know each other intimately, and i think that coming clean does not mean you are exposing your weaknesses, but accepting them and taking the bravest, most direct route to a good solution.

so be sure to ask her for clear answers, what she wants and does not want, but before that think about her possible answers and how you would deal with that situation. if you feel like if she turns you down it's too much for you to be around her, tell her that. it's also possible that she wants to be involved again, but then think about acting with caution. just think of all the scenarios as possible and find what course of action is best for yourself (mentally and emotionally) in each one, and take action for that to happen. just be strong and honest with her and with yourself.

hope this helps!
mile: p.p.

[princealbertofb]

OK Laura... They say a relationship is only going to be viable for some time if you are able to say quite plainly WHY you love / like a person... Could you tell us here, so it's clear for you as well as for us, WHY you are attracted to her? What exactly is it that make your heart tick? Why do you have to have her? And also, what is she NOT giving you in return for your affection? What has she been depriving you of, apart from your freedom to think clearly?

[lauram340]

I dont know why im attracted too her, she is gorgeous but then she goes and opens her mouth. The reason i dont want to be with her is cause she will screw me over, she will cheat on me and make me feel the way i did 4 years ago and i cant be dealing with that.
In return all i want is a relationship that is slow and steady but i know she wont give that
its stupid i know but i dont know how to feel or what to do...
xxx

[princealbertofb]

But basically, Laura, you DON'T WANT to be with her, and DON'T WANT to feel shitty again like 4 years ago, right?

[lauram340]

yeah but ill go back to her again and again and again...

[pocket_pilgrim]

I dont know why im attracted too her, she is gorgeous but then she goes and opens her mouth. The reason i dont want to be with her is cause she will screw me over, she will cheat on me and make me feel the way i did 4 years ago and i cant be dealing with that.
In return all i want is a relationship that is slow and steady but i know she wont give that
its stupid i know but i dont know how to feel or what to do...
xxx

sounds to me like you already know what you want to happen...

i think you should talk with her very openly and tell her how you feel (in the sense that you can't take being in a game that is not the relationship you are after). sincerity is the only way to get through problems (inside your own head), otherwise they build up and mess with you.

[princealbertofb]

yeah but ill go back to her again and again and again...

Why Laura, Why??? What does she have to offer? Also why aren't you worth more than this relationship has to offer? How is the power in her hands? What does she say, what does she do?

I agree with Pilgrim that honesty should help you out of this inextricable situation, in the long run.

[lauram340]

hey guys
thanks for last night.
Not in the best frame of mind today but hey
I have canceled her tonight and i think she has the picture. I now no that she wanted me for just one thing
I have realsed that she wanted someone for one thing and i wanted to be that person that made her realise that she is worth more than that. I cant be that person, and i dont know who will be but it wont be me.
The effects that i had 4 years ago have started up again unfortuatly and will probably last for a while but least i know how to deal with it
xox

[spotysocks]

I believe you did the right thing Laura...you have been with her you know how she is why go back... There is someone lovely waiting for you look for that. Agh again me saying to people what they should do i have to stop doing this!!! lol a big hug to you!