topics to chat about

[lonelylad]

dear members,

i used to chat with men from dating sites (for relationship) and men from penpal sites (for making friends).

i feel i am not good in starting conversations. normally this is how i try to initiate a conversation by talking about the following topics.

1. knowing their name and age
2. which country and city they live
3. whether they are staying with their parents or alone
4. their family background
5. where they work or study
6. their favourite food, pastime, songs and so on
7. whether they own pets
and so on

is this an acceptable way to converse on the first date? do you find the topics are too boring and will make you not interested in the other party? if it is not, what is the best way to begin the conversation?

why i am saying this is because most people stop talking to me after the first or second chat. i feel maybe they find me too boring and not interesting.
i feel happy and positive when talking to them and knowing more about them. but when they do not contact me anymore, it makes me feel that something was wrong about me.

what other topics should i include which will make the conversation more meaningful?

what topics should be avoided?

another thing is that some men asked me directly on the first chat whether i have sex before and how i found out i am gay. is it alright to talk about such issues on the first chat? i feel it is personal and that asking it on the first chat seems too fast.

[Hardheaded1]

Hey there.

There isn't any formula for conversation between two people. It simply involves give and take, listening and sharing.

Don't let internet responses take on any particular meaning. Many men like internet sites because they can be cloaked in anonymity and throw manners out the window. If they stop conversing, it is indeed because they have lost interest. That's a good thing, as they didn't like you as you are, which means they aren't for you.

In person relationships are more important. How do men you have met in person interact?

People can give you advice on conversation, but really, what works is as variable as the men you are encountering.

[Rareboy]

Chatting on-line should not be confused with dating. Your on-line conversations seem more like an interview process, though....rather polite and distant.

To be honest, beyond having a name to address them with...I would go right to number 7 and 8 either on-line or in person....The rest of the stuff about their family and location etc. is totally secondary for me. If I don't connect with them on a deeper level, I could care less about whether they live alone or at home. And for many guys....the connection will be through your sexuality and there's nothing wrong with that if that is the basis for exploring other mutual interests.

[kidchameleon]

Personally, I used to just suggest a quick game of "20 questions" to get the small talk out of the way. You ask 20 random questions, they ask 20 random questions... and then once you're done, the interview is out of the way, you both know a little more about each other, and you can actually start to converse. Of course, that's just my way of doing things - I can imagine it wouldn't work for some people. But it may be worth considering, at least once.

In regards to your list, I would put 3 & 4 a little closer to the end, however. Sometimes asking about an individual's living situation too early can make them uncomfortable. Also, I think it's all well and good to have a basic "script", to help add a little structure to your early conversations, just as long as you remember that everyone is an individual - so you may need to tweak this accordingly.

Also, I think sometimes it's nice to just talk about completely impersonal topics. It helps you get to know the persons opinions and personality in a way that just asking them wouldn't. Y'know, ask them their opinion on current events, tell them about a new tv show you just watched, that kind of thing. I think a better connection comes when you discover things about them through chance, as opposed to through being informed.

[MikeW]

Getting to know someone is *such* a waist of time. Better to just get right to the point: "Damn, you're HOT, wana fuck?" That usually dioes the trick, simple yes or no question. After that you can find out their shoe size or whatever.

[ChadCoxRox]

naughty naughty naughty

mmmmm

[palbert]

dear members,

i used to chat with men from dating sites (for relationship) and men from penpal sites (for making friends).
....
why i am saying this is because most people stop talking to me after the first or second chat. i feel maybe they find me too boring and not interesting.
....
another thing is that some men asked me directly on the first chat whether i have sex before and how i found out i am gay. is it alright to talk about such issues on the first chat? i feel it is personal and that asking it on the first chat seems too fast.

You are looking for a relationship; they are looking for sex. If you want a relationship the best way to find one is not on the internet: it is interacting face to face with real people. If you are looking for sex the "job interview" questions are unnecessary.

[East]

I love open minds and I like people who enjoy challenging themselves and their perceptions on a variety of things so when I wanted to get to know someone I would show my weird side right away to see if we clicked...

It worked out fairly well for me. Lots of people rolled their eyes of course but you can't (and shouldn't) win them all

[DonJon]

Getting to know someone is *such* a waist of time. Better to just get right to the point: "Damn, you're HOT, wana fuck?" That usually dioes the trick, simple yes or no question. After that you can find out their shoe size or whatever.

This is hilarious, MikeW mile: I want to try it sometime. haha!

[lonelylad]

thank you for your responses members. i have realised my questions sound like interview questions haha.