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venting....i guess
#1
not sure where this goes i guess this is me venting my anger and frustration. this month has been a pretty interesting ride. couple months ago when i was still out in Arizona before i decided to move back out to Washington to be with someone. i was talking to this said person we've been in and out of each others lives for years. one night we were talking they asked me all these years i have stuck by them and why. i told them it is because i love them then i asked them the same question and they said they loved me. then they asked if i would marry them i said i would. so i packed up put in my two weeks notice on my job and moved back out to washington. not having nowhere to go when i got here i wound up staying with my dad as i went broke moving back here. living with him was a complete hell as all he would do is throw my family in my face saying how they don't give a fuck about me along with other spiteful things. i lived a step above homeless in his house all i was offered was a couch that's it. wasn't offered a spot to unpack my things he dosen't even have food his idea of groccery is to spend twenty bucks at a dollar store. then tell me what i can and can't eat which translate into i starve. he works a measley part time job at a resturant after putting in for early retirement. he comes home with food never offers me any and procceds to eat it infront of me.tension built between me and him a freind steped in told me to come stay with him and his wife and kid. while there was starting to look for work and what not. till things started to go south as i was feeling lonely from being apart from what i thought was the love of my life. so then i texted them told them what was going on they said they talked to their dad and to pack up once again and come out there where they were. they live with their parents for the time being it's a long story. so then i take the last bit of money i have get my freind to take me to the trainstation to buy a one way ticket to where they live. my freind he asked me was this what i wanted to do he begged and pleaded with me not to do as he knows my history with him and how they hurt me before but flipped it around and claim that it was me that hurt them. i told him this is what i came here for and he promised not to stop me. next day i left met up with them at their town's local library they took me home. i met their family everything seemed normal at first. till i discovered i had to sleep in a tent in their backyard my freind called yelled at me told me to come home told me that something funny was going on that he knew and suspected that the parents didn't want me their and never agreed. i told him it will be fine. so i spent the next three days sleeping with again what i thought was the love of my life out in a tent in his parents backyard. this is where it gets nuts they would wake me up in the middle of the night for sex by clawing me and biting me all over my body the scars and bite marks are just now starting to heal. moving on the third day there i went with their father and a couple others to go do some work on some river front property they own. wound up busting my nose a maple tree branch snapped and hit me in the nose. as i bled and cleaned my self up i watched my man flirt with another man in front of me like it was nothing. so pissed and hurting we go back to his house. his parents go into town we were left there alone we sat on the couch cuddled and slept till his parent's came home and his dad calls a house meeting and goes off on me asking me what am i doing here i told him and then i found out the truth they said no a day in advance and i was left out of the loop so then his father dropped me off in seattle on the streets where i texted my ex told them they ruined my life and hurt me deeply as they did not stand up for me and we're through. i called and texted family back in arizona they told me to hold out my mother was gonna send me money to get me through till they were able to get me back to arizona. i spent a week waiting and asking what was going on they would tell me to hold strong and other bs. always got an excuse till i got a text from my dad's girlfreind saying she would let me stay with her in her condo till i could get back on my feet as my family pretty much wrote me off. so i agreed she wired me money for bus fare to go from seattle back to lakewood where i discovered my father was there who spent the night too. the next morning said i could live with him again. everything went back to him harrassing me throwing my family in my face and ex boyfreind in my face. he fails to see what all i have gone through and ignores the fact i just got out of a wtf relationship and suffer from depression too at that and have to ration my meds. i only agreed to come back to lakewood cause i was desperate and wanted someone to talk to wo when his girlfreind offered i agreed. so then i try to get a hold of family in arizona again i'm told money was wired to my account i wait a whole week nothing is there i find out money was never wired and they turned their backs on me as they all blocked my cellphone number along with other family here who has in turn nothing to do with me and disown(not sure how to spell it) me for being gay. pretty much i'm stuck at this assholes mercy while trying to move on pick up the pieces of what was my heart and trying to find work so i can get out of his place as for some reason he thinks i want his girlfreind and won't let me stay with her and everytime she tries to reach out to me he is always there to get in the middle.
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#2
..and separate into at least a few paragraphs. That's painful to read.
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#3
oh my god pleaaaase paragraph.

That was like trying to read a chinese newspaper.
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#4
Hm. It was easy to read it on the little cellphone screen.
I am not sure. Have you said how old you are? Do you try to become independent? Looking for job?
you are bitter that your father didn't welcome you with open arms and a table full of meals. Is he short of money? He has a "measly" job. What job do YOU have? Have you been helping him around the house? Are you giving something back to your family?
You wanted to live with so many people. Try to become independent and work on some backup plan.
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#5
Hmm.

I don't know what is really going on here, but from what you have wrote, as you have wrote it it appears you have a great deal of 'blaming others' going on.

For instance your dad. He raised you, paid for you and has now semi-retired and lives his live as I assume a single man. He did his bit, and if you are old enough to work you are damned lucky he even let you sleep on the couch.

Instead of seeing that he lives his life simply, within his own means you appear to think he owes you a room, owes you meals, etc...

I read through your stuff here and it would appear either you are cursed with a sense of entitlement, or that depression has made you dependent on everyone in your life.

What I see from all of this is you have a lot - and I mean a whole hella of a lot - of people who have tried to help you, Dad put you up, these other people put you up, people trying to get money for you to send you where ever....

Unless any of these people are made of money, expecting them to do more for you is just wrong.

As for your BF flirting - people flirt and it means NOTHING... Its just flirting. Now if he was having sex with this person and you walked in, then it is something.

I suspect what is really going on is your dad is doing his best (albeit poorly) to motivate you to action. Sure it sounds a lot like nagging. Parent are never handed an owner's manual and usually rely on how they were treated by their parents when dealing with their own kids.

Right now there is a lot of this on YOU. Sure you can accuse the BF of having 'tricked' you - but the reality is that you made choices that come with risks and consequences.

Instead of looking for a handout from all of these people, find a homeless shelter to stay at. Rely on that for a bed and two meals a day until you get back on your feet.

I think that will learn you the lesson of appreciation for the little things.

Further, the homeless shelter will point you in the right direction to get a doctor and get your scripts filled for free. All cities/counties have some sort of 'free' medical program that will see to your basic needs (at the least).

Yes you may add me to the list of assholes in your life...

Honestly I doubt everyone is the asshole here, I think the real problem is not others, but self and you just can't see yourself in any clear light.
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#6
I went blind just clicking on this thread!

Paragraphs, PLEASE!
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#7
hey Reds.

I appreciate that you're stinging right now. It sonds like you gave up quite a lot for this guy who didn't seem to appreciate it.

Time wounds all heels!

Howver, your writing style makes it somewhat difficult to seperate the issues. Everything is one huge paragraph and that makes it difficult to locate one part of your post from another. Maybe you were as mad as hell when you wrote.

I really hpe you're feeling calmer about things now. Don't get to a place where I got after my split and ended up having arguments in my head with the guy for three years after. If you don't let go of anger the person who caused it ends up living in your head - rent-free!

Time helps!
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