Tyrion Wrote:This I really agree with.. though I think in the end it all comes down to what's really important to the people in the relationship.
For me, honesty is #1. I've been lied to all my life (mainly by family, won't go into that).. but if someone lies to me, it hurts far worse than coming out and being honest about something. At the same time, Monogamy is also incredibly important to me, so I would absolutely refuse to be in any other sort of relationship.
Sure, I believe in second chances.. but it all depends on the history of the relationship, what happened, etc..
People often cheat for a reason, and it's usually more than "I just got too drunk"
It seems though that the OP here has a bit of a different type of relationship than I would be willing to engage in. In my view I think it's ridiculous to say that jerking off another guy isn't cheating.. but to each their own. Like I said, it all comes down to the people in the relationship and what they choose to accept. Everyone has their own expectations.
-edit
I didn't read the 3rd page until now, so it seems I completely skipped over the hostility.. but whatever, my reply still states my opinion on the issue :p. Glad to hear you came clean though, and everything is well..
And I do appreciate your reply, or I appreciate it as much as I can considering I had intended this thread to be anonymous. I agree whole heartedly that each relationship is different.
I realize that many of the posters here today are not people who really know my story at all; a lot if you guys and gals are relatively new. Nor am I a frequent poster, so a lot of y'all really don't know anything about me.
My husband and I met in 1994 and spent the better part of 5+ years together before I left him. He had a problem keeping his dock in his pants and he was the first guy I had sex with since I decided I was gay and divorced my wife.
Almost nine years later his boyfriend died and we started dating again. I know more about cheating and it's affects on marriage than most people.
Anyone who knows me, knows I am frighteningly honest. I have never felt the need to lie to my husband. Now, I know so,e people scream the "Lying by omission is still a lie!" line, but I get so sick of that kind of
assumption. Does ANYONE here think for a second that my husband didn't ASK me where I had been the night this all occured when I made him breakfast and packed his lunch at 6:30 am the next morning???
I said, "Out with Alan. We got Pissed and rode scooters and..oh...you DON'T want to know! HA!" I them proceeded to kiss him on the cheek and he went to work (while I went back to bed).
Finally, I also realize that you don't know "Alan". He is my best friend. He has had a string of crazy but beautiful girlfriends (and now I know why!!!) but has ALWAYS been a true and genuine friend. I don't believe for a second that he wants to "be" with me; neither do I have the slightest desire to "be" with him. Yet we always have the best of times when we hang out. We really connect and understand each other, which is something I value greatly.
What I did that night with Alan was, to me, very reminiscent of some of the "horse play" I participated in when I was around twelve or fourteen: exciting, secretive, and novel.
If you wish to condem me for Cheating and your definition of Cheating is that kind of "horse play", then by all means-applaude your own moral superiority. I on the other hand am a bit more forgiving of myself. In my world, it just isn't sex if no one has an orgasam. In fact, cheating and having sex are not mutually dependent when one factors in
intamacy, and MOST importantly-- I only have to please two people in my life and I don't have to post on this forum to get the message to either one of them.
Beaux