Father and Son relationships

[sweetlyspoiled]

Hi, I am a turning 23 soon and I recently met an older (43) guy online.

We have not met in person yet but we talk online constantly for over a month now and we have not set a date to meet each other yet, because he is currently over seas in the armed services.

He seems to be a genuine sweet heart, trusting and very down to Earth as far as our conversations and I assume he has to have his head on straight to be in the armed forces for over 20 years and in a supervisor's position.

He reviled to me that his late father was his first and he was his also his lover. This took me off guard because it was one of "those" secrets to not tell on a first date, seeing how we have not went on a date yet. I had a slight attraction to older guys, and I do recall fantasizing about my father mildly when I was younger, after I burst into the bathroom seeing my father naked. Never have I thought about acting on it so I grew over it and grew up. (our normal father/son relationship also grew distant and cold through unrelated events)

After our conversation about the older guy's secret, I researched how common this was and stories of people who have been in these types of relationships with there sons/fathers sexually. Oddly I never knew how erotic some of the stories would be to me. He says he completely trusts me and I see no harm in getting to know him more and his background before I can completely trust him. He said he can see me as his "son."

My concerns are, is this anything to take caution or special attention with like any other relationship or a "run for the hills" situation?

And If this is an okay thing to deal with, can someone who has had experience with a Father and Son relationship, ether kin or non-kin can lend some advice?

Note: This is not my first older guy.

[Tyrion]

Personally, I find that disturbing. That may be judgemental on my part, we all have our prejudices.. though I would say that incest is generally.. not accepted? Though again, what exactly does that mean?

I personally would run (or roll) for the hills, but some people are more open/accepting than I am when it comes to difficult situations.

Just my opinion, of course. Take it for what it is.

[SolemnBoy]

Some people would be deeply disturbed by that kind of past but you don't seem to be one of them (kudos for that by the way) so I don't think it's much of a problem. What's stranger is his decision to tell you so early on. On the other hand it also depends on how old he and his father were when it first began. If they were both consensual adults it's not much of a problem, neither then nor now.

[Kenny221]

Uhm, proceed with caution?

[Genersis]

How old was he, when he was in a relationship with his dad?
It feels really wrong, gross, ETC to me, but if they were both adults, then I think it's not much to worry about overall in terms of how this could effect you and your relationship.

[trialbyerror]

May I weigh in on this?

Oy!
This one's bound to be controversial.

I have knowledge of such a relationship, but from the father's perspective.

I've penned a short story, based on it, I think it makes for interesting reading.
If the thread originator / anybody wishes, send me you e-mail & I will send it on to you.

My personal perspective is this: -

What consenting people do in their private lives is just that. Private.
What people get out of a relationship is, again, private (note I have not stipulated the number of people in any particular relationship)
How people choose to conduct / define their negotiated relationship is their business.

So long a both parties are consenting and there is no coercion, I have no problem with that. Also, there is no possibility of off-spring. That's where I draw the line and say definitely not, totally irresponsible.

Pre-adolescence, if the 2 parties are of similar age, again I have on problem (I was curious from 7)

In a biological / sexual relationship, as long as both parties can opt out without at any point without acrimony, and a clear distinction between parenting and "lover" is understood and maintained no problem.

How can I be judgmental? unless somebody asks for my help.

I simply accept people based on their interaction with me, not on hearsay, or what has happened in the past.

I am in no way implying that his this is a "skeleton in the closet" for the fella, But Lord knows, every one of us has done things we regretted doing, Allow people the space to have lived.

Yup, That's about it from me, Hope this helps.

Trial by error

[Nick9]

What I find surprising is that he offered to play a dad for you. Would that be what you want? I am ok with big age difference but this sounds funny and strange. Will he consider you to be equal? Will there be a balance?

[pellaz]

yes run for the hills

[Dan1980]

I would be very cautious if I was you. Having relations with his father is wrong and illegal.

[SolemnBoy]

I would be very cautious if I was you. Having relations with his father is wrong and illegal.

Why is that? The 'wrong' part, not the 'illegal' part.