Tough to "read" this guy
07-09-2013, 05:51 AM
Just a bit of history and then on to the meat (!) I am a single gay male who is NOT currently looking for a "relationship". I hook-up though the local phone dating service and it has worked well for me the past few years. I am picky about who I am looking for and I have acquired the knack for weeding out potential hook-ups when we first chat over the phone. So I do not hook up often and I have never had a bad experience with this line. I had a most interesting experience yesterday, but it is filled with many talking points. I think I will just begin by addressing them one-by one in separate posts.
So the fellow leaves a message with his phone number in my box. I call and after a few seconds I begin to notice the conversation drops off after every other sentence. No flow at all. In the initial contact callers are sometimes shy so I am quick to pick up the ball and keep it rolling. Still I notice these conversational lags and uncomfortable pauses. ( I used to fill it up with small talk, but now I am inclined to just be quiet until one of us begins again, but it gets akward.) Based on this I was inclined to let this one go. However, his "age 34 and tight swimmer's build" (I am 65 and into younger men) encouraged me to follow through. I also thought it may be initial shyness on his part. I've run into it before especially with men new to the scene, or straight men looking to experiment. Once I am face-to-face and the ice is broken it tends to work out. I drove across town to his place. We sat down by his pool for a chat and the same thing happened. Long, sometimes uncomfortable pauses. So I was fairly reserved as also befits a guest in a stranger's home. My "read" on him was , in part, that he was very sad. In fact at one point I brought it up that he seemed sad. (I felt comfortable enough with him that I felt I could be candid) His reply was that he had sat too long in the sun. Yet he didn't seem put off that I was there. He asked me if I wanted to swim. I said "do you have a pair of trunks?" (being polite) He said we could swim naked. I said what about the neighbors (I was trying to get some humor in ) He said there were two old ladies next door. I says "Good! Its showtime!" Finally he cracked a smile. And I even pointed it out. The only time he smiled the whole time I was there.
We did make it to bed and those issues comprise another post. I like this guy and before I left I told him as much and that I hoped we might try it again. Most of my hook-ups are bi or straight guys with wives or girlfriends and I am OK with that. But I know better than to allow the heart to get involved with a bi or straight guy. (I sound like a hooker) But this particular guy is gay and I like him. He seems a tough nut to crack and I am not certain I want to pursue this. He left me with no clue as to whether he was interested in getting to know me, yet if there was no chemistry I would have thought he, would have called it off early on. It has happened before and I can handle it. The guy didn't seem so weak-willed that he would allow physical contact just to be polite, either. In fact our swim came after we had been to bed and we also sat together awhile before I left. Usually if I am staying too long my hook-up comes up with a polite way of asking me to leave. Not this one. I probably could have stayed a couple hours longer, but I had a sense when it was time to leave and said my goodbyes.
It didn't go very well in bed, but I am trying to see the whole picture here. Some of the 'bedroom' issues are personal to me. Or it may be the lack of chemistry. I'll address that in another post.
Thanks you for hanging in with my post and I appreciate your comments.
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So the fellow leaves a message with his phone number in my box. I call and after a few seconds I begin to notice the conversation drops off after every other sentence. No flow at all. In the initial contact callers are sometimes shy so I am quick to pick up the ball and keep it rolling. Still I notice these conversational lags and uncomfortable pauses. ( I used to fill it up with small talk, but now I am inclined to just be quiet until one of us begins again, but it gets akward.) Based on this I was inclined to let this one go. However, his "age 34 and tight swimmer's build" (I am 65 and into younger men) encouraged me to follow through. I also thought it may be initial shyness on his part. I've run into it before especially with men new to the scene, or straight men looking to experiment. Once I am face-to-face and the ice is broken it tends to work out. I drove across town to his place. We sat down by his pool for a chat and the same thing happened. Long, sometimes uncomfortable pauses. So I was fairly reserved as also befits a guest in a stranger's home. My "read" on him was , in part, that he was very sad. In fact at one point I brought it up that he seemed sad. (I felt comfortable enough with him that I felt I could be candid) His reply was that he had sat too long in the sun. Yet he didn't seem put off that I was there. He asked me if I wanted to swim. I said "do you have a pair of trunks?" (being polite) He said we could swim naked. I said what about the neighbors (I was trying to get some humor in ) He said there were two old ladies next door. I says "Good! Its showtime!" Finally he cracked a smile. And I even pointed it out. The only time he smiled the whole time I was there.
We did make it to bed and those issues comprise another post. I like this guy and before I left I told him as much and that I hoped we might try it again. Most of my hook-ups are bi or straight guys with wives or girlfriends and I am OK with that. But I know better than to allow the heart to get involved with a bi or straight guy. (I sound like a hooker) But this particular guy is gay and I like him. He seems a tough nut to crack and I am not certain I want to pursue this. He left me with no clue as to whether he was interested in getting to know me, yet if there was no chemistry I would have thought he, would have called it off early on. It has happened before and I can handle it. The guy didn't seem so weak-willed that he would allow physical contact just to be polite, either. In fact our swim came after we had been to bed and we also sat together awhile before I left. Usually if I am staying too long my hook-up comes up with a polite way of asking me to leave. Not this one. I probably could have stayed a couple hours longer, but I had a sense when it was time to leave and said my goodbyes.
It didn't go very well in bed, but I am trying to see the whole picture here. Some of the 'bedroom' issues are personal to me. Or it may be the lack of chemistry. I'll address that in another post.
Thanks you for hanging in with my post and I appreciate your comments.
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Capricorn
