Need some advice - relations

[Canfer]

Well.
I have met a guy the year before, via Internet in one of those dating websites, at November.
Since then, I had been talking with him about various things, and to get to know each other. I was getting interested about him... he seemed an guy I could be with. After some talking, we've made some videochat to see closely each other. I got interested even more. Then this year we planned to meat personally each other at the place where he lives.
I spent the whole afternoon with him, since lunch, and found more about him (and he learned more about me). It was so fun, and I was enjoying being with him. He said he enjoyed being with me too.
Since then we have been trading Messages via Mobile, and sometimes phoning. I invited him to my place (when I was in University, I had my own home). He accepted and came there.
When he arrived, we went to the shopping and we took a coffee. Then we went to my place, to have lunch. After that, we went to my bedroom. Since we had an attraction to each other (well, that's what I thought, since I've been making my moves, and he responded to them too) we start playing which other and making physical contact. Then, we kissed, and have been kissing for a while. He wanted to move further, but I said no, because I don't wanted to be easy. So we started seeing something on the computer while having our hands joined. We spent the afternoon being together like this, and then he had to go at the end of the day. I said to him I enjoyed being to him, and he said the same to me too, and I think he was honest.

We have been trading Messages and phoning each other, but since 2 months ago, he stopped doing more often, until recently he doesnt send me messages anymore.
Last week, I talked to him to see what was going on (without implying directly why he is not comunicating to me). He said he wasn't having time to chat with others because of being very busy with work, working more hours now because we're on summer. I said to him "I understand". I waited some weeks now ((I don't want to constatly bug him), but he doesn't seem interested in me anymore.

One more thing. Because we live a bit far, we haven't been able to be more times together, even though is easier know, because I finished university, and I'm on vacation now.

What you think I should do? Should I speak to him and ask if he want to go for a coffee or something like that... or should I forget about him? (even though the saturday before he asked me How was I").

Give me some advice please

[ChrisD]

How much time passed between his visit with you and the lapse in communication?

[Canfer]

How much time passed between his visit with you and the lapse in communication?

The visit was in March, like day 15... The lack of comunication start ocurring during end of May.

[ChrisD]

Ok, so it wasn't right after the visit, really. I wonder if something else came up that maybe he didn't share with you? Is he still in the closet?

I know I have trouble keeping up with people if I don't see them every day, and I get afraid of what they'll say after God knows how many weeks or months....that's bad.....

Anyways, if he has that problem, he will probably accept an invitation to go have coffee or something, and all you have to do is directly address the issue with him.

If there is something else going on (family troubles, still in the closet, is not interested, relationship not moving at the right pace etc) that will be harder but I still think you should ask him, without pestering, to go on a simple "date" with you (we'll use the example of getting coffee, since you've mentioned that before.) Give him time to respond and don't be angry or frustrated with him before you meet him.

Then ask him, after some small talk to get warmed up, if everything's alright and how he feels, what he thinks about your relationship. But try not to be too pushy.

That's my two cents, as a complete novice in the area of relationships, so do with it what you may :biggrin:

[Canfer]

Ok, so it wasn't right after the visit, really. I wonder if something else came up that maybe he didn't share with you? Is he still in the closet?

I know I have trouble keeping up with people if I don't see them every day, and I get afraid of what they'll say after God knows how many weeks or months....that's bad.....

Anyways, if he has that problem, he will probably accept an invitation to go have coffee or something, and all you have to do is directly address the issue with him.

If there is something else going on (family troubles, still in the closet, is not interested, relationship not moving at the right pace etc) that will be harder but I still think you should ask him, without pestering, to go on a simple "date" with you (we'll use the example of getting coffee, since you've mentioned that before.) Give him time to respond and don't be angry or frustrated with him before you meet him.

Then ask him, after some small talk to get warmed up, if everything's alright and how he feels, what he thinks about your relationship. But try not to be too pushy.

That's my two cents, as a complete novice in the area of relationships, so do with it what you may :biggrin:

First of all, thanks for the reply!
Well, he said he went to some gay bars with friends, so I guess he is opened to some of his friends (he talked about little of them, and they were girls, about boys, he never talked).

Ok, I think I will take that advice. I can't get my mind clear without hearing from his mouth what is really going on.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Regardless his reasons, he is clearly no longer interested in you.


Call him/email him making a (singular) offer for coffee or something. If he responds, go have fun and see what happens. If he doesn't respond consider him a jerk for not at least having the balls to decline your offer or to reject you face to face.

2 months of silence often means that they are not man enough to say goodbye to your face and just want to allow their silence to tell you to leave.

[Edward]

He's not interested in you. Things like that happen sometimes. I would say try to forget him and look for another nice guy.

[pellaz]

often we think how this is all about us but in reality his reason for not calling could be anything. Arrange a meeting (in person skype phone), get to the bottom of this. Else you will be asking your self what if...

[Canfer]

Thanks for the answers. I really appreciate it.

He's not interested in you. Things like that happen sometimes. I would say try to forget him and look for another nice guy.

That's what I think right now, but I will follow the suggestions and arrange a meeting with him when I have the time.
I'll keep you updated.