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Was discriminated against and Feel terrible
#1
Me and my fiancé were going to a bar on a Thursday night after seeing a great show and we were treated terribly.
The worst treatment in my entire life at any venue!
The doorman/bouncer (I hesitate to use the word "bouncer" to sped describe a boy about 20yo who was short and skinny) refused to let us in saying they were full, but then let in two pretty girls right after we walked away, I turned right back back and insisted on either being admitted or speaking with the manager. The manager said that they were "strictly first come first serve" and that they took no reservations and said for us to leave a number with the doorman and that they'd call us back within the hour when a spot opened for us.

So we listened to her, we got a bite to eat, over an hour passed with no call from them, I called the bar, no answer. So I went pack and insisted to speak to the manager again. She said that we hadn't waited for her cal.l, I said that she had promised to call us by then, she went to the doormans list and was going to show us where our number was compared to other people but "coincidentally" my phone number was missing, she again made excuses (note: I never saw him write my number down, I just saw him scribble something, he never showed it to me to make sure it was correct). She mentioned for the first timr that they had a dress code that we did not meet.
Why hadn't she said this before?
Their website and the app that directed us to them (Yelp) noted no dress code, and Yelp specifically tells you if a place has a dress code.
We wee dressed well, but only in jeans and T-Shirts. I know for a fact that my jeans weren't cheap and my shoes were worth a few hundred dollars, the reason we dressed down is because the show we had seen was one were there we're no seats and you're expected to dance and the theatre recommended comfortable casual clothing.
She then says that there was no possibility that we could go there that bight, despite the fact that they were open for a few more hours and that other people were periodically let in.

It was obvious to me that we weren't welcome there.
I told the manager that she seemed to be discriminating against us for some reason unbeknownst to me.
She swore up and down that that wasn't true.
The entire time that I spoke to her, I never raised my voice, used bad language or threatening body language.

She gave me her business card that has her zemail address and phone number and told me to Email her and she would arrange a time for us to come.
I politely Emailed her three times and have recieved no response after more than ten days!

I don't get it this has never happened to me, I have never expieriences such rude treatment in my entire life, I've lived in NYC all my life and bars always let me in unless they're clearly swamped on a Friday or Saturday night! (it was a Thursday)

Even at exclusive clubs with velvet ropes I get in, I just do some research to get my name on the list.
This was not one go those clubs, just a regular bar, albeit a popular one.
Why do you think this happenned?
It couldn't have been because of my sexuality, me and my fiancé weren't kissing or holding hands and this is NYC!

What do I do?
Should I call the manager?
If so, What do I say?

Do I contact the better business burea?
Does anyone know if there are agencies that I can contact or even sue her?
Do I leave bad reviews on Yelp or other apps, I read an article in a time that said customer service is more important than ever now because of the ability to leave bad reviews on social media and described how a restaurant in Chicago was destroyed due to such bad reviews.

What would I say in the review?

I'm confused as to why I would be treated so badly and I feel horrible and keep wondering if there's something wrong with me or that I may be unlike able in some way.





.
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#2
Name and shame them and then leave a bad review of the club. I will email the manager again and if I didn't get a reply I would contact head office.
An eye for an eye
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#3
Firstly, this is a cultural thing, but why was it so important to get into that particular club?

Secondly, name and shame. Write bad reviews on yelp and contact the better business bureau that they discriminated.

Do keep in mind tho, that In essence a club is allowed to discriminate in a way that is basically a loophole against non discrimination laws. (gay bars not letting you in if you're straight, only letting 1/3 makes in and 2/3 girls in straight bars etc) so generally take situations like this with stride.
I often find that screwing over the place with reviews and taking your business elsewhere works better then desperately wanting to get in.
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#4
Sounds to me like you're expending a lot of energy on a place where you now wont feel comfortable and wont want to visit again.

I'd kick up a shit storm, then finally when I received tickets or whatever in the post, I'd wipe my ass on them tare them in two and send them back and never go there again.

Simples!
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#5
Yeah, why on earth waste your time on such a venue?

Personally me and my boyfriend never line up and never for a venue.
You can socialise and drink anywhere why waste time and energy waiting outside and then waiting inside for a drink and then getting crammed between people on the dance floor then waiting for the bathroom and then waiting... well you get my point.

It doesn't sound like discrimination it sounds like just about any bar I know - Fill the bar with girls so you can attract creepy guys willing to spend all their money on drinks for the girls.
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#6
Why are you trying so hard to be in a place where clearly you are not welcomed - regardless if its your sexuality, you gender, the way you dressed?

Back in my 20's I was discriminated against, I had the police flat refuse to arrest my partner who beat the crap out of me because 'gay domestic violence' was considered something that gays deserved. I was 'asked' to take a "permanent vacation" from my job when it was discovered that I had dalliances with men. Well they weren't asking, I was ordered to and permanent vacation means "fired". It was made very clear that my being one of them homosexuals was the problem.

This club didn't say 'because you are gay'. So I have to wonder if there isn't something else at play here.

There were plenty of clubs and such I never got into because I'm too geeky and not part of the 'in crowd'. A lot of these bars and clubs with a doorman and line have 'beauty contests' accepting only those who "look the right way" inside. If this is one of those clubs that everyone is dying to get into, it is most likely due to that 'beautiful people only' selection process that has made this club one of the 'must go to' clubs in NYC.

If its one of those straight venues, then it makes perfect sense why they allowed the girls in right after you. Sex sells alcohol. Gals tend to get a lot of drinks sent their way at a straight bar/club.

So you might want to take a long hard look at the mirror. Are you too tall and lanky, or too short and fat? If you have a 6-pack or an 8-pack I bet if you wore clothing to show all of that off you would get inside the club.... regardless of your sexual preferences.

I personally just wouldn't darken the door with my shadow... Why be someplace where I'm not welcomed? I know my money is good, so I will spend it someplace where I am wanted and will have fun. This place clearly ain't it.

Unless one of them called you a faggot or pointed out that 'queers ain't welcomed here' you can't assume that just because you were with another man is why you were not allowed in.

Unless you two were standing in line fawning over each other and making it obvious you are gay how would any one know you two are queer and partners?
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#7
there was a recent post on GS how a guy dosnt like some sort of asian or black men.
think of where all of this leads to...
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#8
This was a bar, not a club.
To.answer your question, my feelings towards this place are conflicted and contrarian.
Early on when they started treated me badly, I didn't want to go and give them my business.
It's still not a place that I'm eager to go to now that I know what they're like.
I sort of want to do what Vigilias said and get the "tickets" or invitations from them and burn them!
I think it was unlikely that they treated me the way they did because of my sexual orientation, because there's no way they could have known, by discrimination I just mean for one reason or another.
If this is how bars are, how come this has never happenned to me before despite going to so many bars and clubs in NYC and elsewhere?
It doesn't add up.
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#9
Yelp is both a useful tool and a deadly weapon. Tear them a new one there and never go back.
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#10
I would go with naming, and shaming along writing a bad review about them,Plus I would contact the Better Business Bureau about them.
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