Concerned about my son's sexuality

[LONDONER]

... I will ALWAYS be there for him until my last breath

And that, Bill, is the most important thing.

[LateBloomer]

I admire your dedication.

I've never raised a child, but I was a child once. And more to the point, I'm my father's child, even today.

BUT, I am NOT my father.

See?

Yes, your son is your son, but he's not a miniature version of you. He's not a "mini-me".



He has his own identity--and right now, and probably for the next 5-10 years, it's going to be VERY malleable (or impressionable) to the point where he may not even be able to describe it to HIMSELF.

But he needs the freedom and peace of mind to know that he has a safe place to call home with people who care for him.

It's a cliche' but yes, if you love something set it free. Let him spread his wings and grow into a loving healthy human being.

Good luck.

[VileKyle]

Bill, you are an awesome father. Don't let anyone here or anywhere else tell you otherwise. You're doing everything you can for your son, even if it makes you uncomfortable and goes against your own best wishes. You're doing the right thing.

[Jake]

The lgbt in Cleveland said they are not accepting anyone for counseling on their website. I tried to post a link but it would not let me because of my post count. You can always google it, I chose services, then counseling, and that's what I found

Bill I have two Children my son is twelve as well (and we suspect him to be interested in guys too) and my daughter just turned 18 I am bisexual myself (with a preference for guys of course lol)... I will say as others do not force anything... 12 years old boys are experimenting and you could be surprised that by the age of 16 he forgets everything about once watching penises on a website.

On the other hands you my friend you need to get as much information about the gay community you can get... however pay attention where you're getting that information from. Some gays are still frustrated and although they will help you cope with your discovery they may as well place you in an awkward situation. Your son is 12, if he's watching gay porn... I would first remove that from him because too many websites are so not for kids and even today some people are way too influenced by what they see in porn and tend to believe that porn is real.

First step would be to explain to your son that you don't want him to go to those websites for the very simple reason that they're not for him gay or not... and yes let him discover, let him find out who he is. If you chaperone him too much he'll be more than confused... and when he'll be ready to tell you he will... so will you be ready to have a heartfelt discussion with your son and accept who he is.

He doesn't know yet... but he's one heck of a lucky boy to have you as a father. Not every father will take the plunge to understand their children when something goes against their understanding.

[TimeSage]

I just want to agree with some of the statements made here.
1. Don't force the issue. It will not end well. Just let it be until HE is ready, if he ever is.
2. RESEARCH. Gay isn't a lifestyle. It's simply the fact that you are attracted to people of the same sex. Being misinformed will only hurt
3. Tell him porn is for adults. Doesn't matter if it's gay or straight he shouldn't be looking at at that age.

[hank]

Bill, I am glad you love your son, it makes me a little jealous. Even though you aren't perfectly accepting it was better than my experience. At twelve years old a boy can be curious doesn't mean he is gay. But it may be something you have to deal with.

The best thing you can do is realize every time you say something like "damn homos" you may be talking about your own son. Stop people around you from saying it. Or at least object to it.

That tells him something, that being gay is stupid and nobody likes gay guys. he may be gay you don't want him thinking that he is stupid or perverted. So just a small change, it will mean the world to your son if he is gay.

We are not all sissy interior decorators and hair dressers. I am a mechanic, I play the guitar, i will be a police officer soon. I am as manly as they get but i like men.

So dint think he will start wearing make up and dresses. Or talk like jack on Will and grace.

[Jake]

We are not all sissy interior decorators and hair dressers. I am a mechanic, I play the guitar, i will be a police officer soon. I am as manly as they get but i like men.

So dint think he will start wearing make up and dresses. Or talk like jack on Will and grace.

Bill I have a major in Sociology and behavioral psychology but work as a system administrator, as I said above I have two children and trust me you see me on the street and you would never know that I'm into guys. Yep I had children the natural way and was in relationship with women but just like your son I started being interested in guys pretty early but it went down at 14 because I was not ready to define myself as a gay man or full blown bisexual. And although I was still interested in guys throughout my teenage years but came into actualising it at 16 years old where I had my real gay relationship but at that age I was still confused so I've been with girls up to my 25th anniversary (I had my daughter at 20 years old and my son at 25) and at 25 I made the switch and wanted to experience a real gay relationship. I came out to my closed friends and family quite late at 32 years old so coming out is for many guys a very long process because that process is to accept oneself first and I wasn't at that level... and trust me if accepting yourself as a gay man is difficult try Bisexual... it's confusing for others and it''s confusing for you. So to help you understand at least the bisexuality part here's for you the 13 levels of bisexuality. Yes there's thirteen... bisexuality is so confusing that it cannot be define as one type.

Alternating Bisexuals – one relationship at a time, the first might be exclusively straight, the next exclusively gay and vice versa. Alternating Bisexuals are usually monogamous.
Circumstantial Bisexuals – primarily heterosexual but bisexual because of circumstances, eg; Prison where there are no women/men available.
Concurrent relationship Bisexuals – have a primary relationship with one gender, but may have multiple casual relationships with partners of the other gender.
Conditional Bisexuals – will switch sexuality for personal gain, eg: Gay for Pay.
Emotional Bisexuals – have intimate emotional relationships with both genders but only have sex with one gender.
Integrated Bisexuals – have two or more concurrent primary relationships one with a man one with a woman
Exploratory Bisexuals – testing the water seeing if they like it.
Hedonistic Bisexuals -primarily straight or gay/lesbian but will switch purely for sexual pleasure.
Recreational Bisexuals – bi only when drunk or high. “Party Bisexual”
Isolated Bisexuals – currently straight or gay/lesbian – but has had one off sexual encounter in the past which qualifies them as bisexual.
Latent Bisexuals – has strong yet so far unsatisfied urges to go the other way.
Motivational Bisexuals – will go bi to satisfy a partner, e.g. straight women agreeing to MFF threesome.
Transitional Bisexuals – the only type of bisexuality the gay community understands, the one “going through a phrase”.

Which one am I? Well here's the thing... it changes through the years lol. I used to be a Hedonistic bisexual and now I'm much more an alternating bisexuals. But yes you'll find out that that I define myself as a gay man because honestly I know that if you give me the choice between a guy and girl I'll take the guy in a long shot but I'm not closed to a relationship with a girl.

I have a masculine demeanor, and I don't like Lady Gaga, Madonna or wear prada... I live in the countryside (close to Montreal) but not in the village and I do not take part in the gay scene because as someone said above... being gay isn't a lifestyle, it isn't a choice either. I do not kiss my boyfriend in public... wasn't doing it with my girlfriends and I won't do it with my boyfriend either just to make a statement.

My children are aware that daddy is into guys... so obviously they have been exposed to homosexuality quite early in their life. Yes they have been teased in school for a while but they also have strong characters and know how to bring down those teasing parties.

So if you have a chance meet some gay couples and have a chat with them... you'll come to realise that those "fucking" gays are participating to your country's economy as much as you do if not more. Just know that this wave of weddings among same sex partners isn't just for love it's also a legislative revendication.

[BillMichaels]

Well I appreciate so many of your posts. And I understand some of you may resent me for my current views on homosexuality. I posted it because its the truth of how I am. Its not my intention to agitate anyone.

I can't seem to get Pflag or lgbt on the phone so the Pflag website says they have an open meeting every 2nd Tuesday. so I'm going to go to the next available day which is still a few weeks away.


So as far as me and my son its business as usual.. I offered if he wants to talk about anything he can if not, no worries. I'm going to gather info and as things transpire I'll post in here for the ones that are interested.

[BillMichaels]

another thing is I've taken the advice of everyone on this board and I'm changing the way I speak around my son and in general now so I asked my wife to watch how she speaks as well

[LONDONER]

Well I appreciate so many of your posts. And I understand some of you may resent me for my current views on homosexuality. I posted it because its the truth of how I am. Its not my intention to agitate anyone.

I can't seem to get Pflag or lgbt on the phone so the Pflag website says they have an open meeting every 2nd Tuesday. so I'm going to go to the next available day which is still a few weeks away.


So as far as me and my son its business as usual.. I offered if he wants to talk about anything he can if not, no worries. I'm going to gather info and as things transpire I'll post in here for the ones that are interested.

I absolutely do not resent your attitude. It is (unfortunately) natural, but the mere fact that you are willing to change and to help your (confused) son goes a long, long way. Keep posting and keep us informed,