But it wasn't a date!!

[Grey]

So its been three months since I ended a nine year relationship with the guy I was supposed to marry. Its been a long...lonely three months. I know very well that I am no where near ready to date again, and won't be for awhile. Anyway I got asked out. I told the guy my situation and he was cool and asked if maybe we could have lunch as friends. I thought about it and thought why not? So I made it clear that this was a just friends deal by literally saying "I'm not ready to date but we could be friends"

I thought that was clear anyway.

So I get dressed and he picks me up for a simple lunch. At first its all cool, we talk about random crap until he pulls up at an extremely fancy restaurant. To me it seemed way to fancy for a just friends first lunch but whatever. The problem really starts inside when he decides to grab my hand and lead me to the table when we are shown in. He spends lunch asking seriously personal questions, occasionally making an attempt to touch me and being more than a little flirty. He spends over $100 on lunch and won't let me pay. On the way out I kept my distance to save myself from any further grabbing. He walked me to my front door when we got back.

It irritated me. Maybe I'm just an asshole but he acted like we were a couple and now I totally don't want to see him again. Am I just being an ass or what?

[VileKyle]

Tell me were he lives and I'll kick his ass. Of course, then you have to hold my hand at lunch.

Hehe, just kidding. Violence is bad.

Hm. Just don't talk to the asshole again. Maybe that will send a clear message, since talking wasn't enough of one.

[LateBloomer]

Mmm.

I usually agree with Krupt. But you know what? Grey ALREADY set the boundary BEFORE lunch.

The wanna-be "friend" crossed the line.

Frankly, he doesn't seem interested in a friendship. He wants romance. This shit hits a little close to home for me, so I'm liable to start a rant.

To answer the original question, NO, I don't think you're an asshole Grey. I think you went out with a manipulator.

If you have ANY remaining interest in a "friendship" with this guy I'd go totally backwards on his bullshit and offer maybe 30 mins for coffee. And HE BUYS again.


Good luck.

[pellaz]

... I told the guy my situation and he was cool and asked if maybe we could have lunch as friends. I thought about it and thought why not? So I made it clear that this was a just friends deal by literally saying "I'm not ready to date but we could be friends" ... It irritated me. Maybe I'm just an asshole but he acted like we were a couple and now I totally don't want to see him again.

I think your fine. You told him up front your intentions.
-If he calls again re affirm your not ready to date, again
-tell him you cant afford a $100 lunch and treat him to a $39 tavern deal
-concentrate on a good time

dont know what your upset about

[Bowyn Aerrow]

That 'date' would have ended as soon as he grabbed my hand, I would loudly declare 'What the fuck are you doing?!?!' as I yank my hand back. Might even top it off with 'faggot, don't touch me!'

Things would have gone downhill from there.

You are not an asshole, but had every right to resort to assholery in this case.

[Sylph]

I agree with the other gurls and Daddy above me, he crossed the line you so eloquently laid and he took his 10s and politely stomped the shit out of it and swiftly crossed it, and by what you say, knowing full well what he was doing.

So, he therefore either needs for you to construct a brick wall on his ass to make things perfectly clear or to take his fancy self and duck walk down the yellow brick road to find his way home, cause you don't have the gay ass time for lollygagging, bald-headed, saggy titty, no nipple havin ass games. No time Sis, whatsoever.

So if there's a next time, make sure that hoe knows where you are at and not where he wants you to be...or you can't be held responsible for calling your Prison Thug Cousin Tyrone...oh wait...

[MisterTinkles]

Well, you told him your story.....maybe he was just trying to be sympathetic the only way he knew how?

Ive been around some people in my life who are SOOOOOO damned "touchy feely" they think just because you tell them your dog got hit by a car, that you want them hugging you all fucking day long and following you around doing stuff for you.

I would usually say RUN....but in this case I would go by my rule of thumb......
Three strikes and your out.

Maybe talk to him again, ask him what that lunch was all about. Did he think he was just being supportive or was he trying to take advantage of the situation?

[MovinOn]

Let's see 24-9= 13 ... so you were 13 when you started your relationship? That don't sound right.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

^^^ Why not?

Are 13 year olds not capable of love? When thou prick them do they not bleed? If thou tickle them, do they not laugh? If thou poison them do they not die? Or are they beyond these mortal abilities, transcending human emotions, human limitations, human experiences?

[ardus]

Well, you told him your story.....maybe he was just trying to be sympathetic the only way he knew how?

Ive been around some people in my life who are SOOOOOO damned "touchy feely" they think just because you tell them your dog got hit by a car, that you want them hugging you all fucking day long and following you around doing stuff for you.

I would usually say RUN....but in this case I would go by my rule of thumb......
Three strikes and your out.

Maybe talk to him again, ask him what that lunch was all about. Did he think he was just being supportive or was he trying to take advantage of the situation?

I'm one of those touchy feely people.

I know it's a quality that some people enjoy and others don't so I normally try to curb it in public, but it's possible he was just trying to be comforting.

It's also very possible he was trying to establish a basis for physical intimacy.

I have a lot of little quirks about me, I always try to be upfront with guys and tell them if I say or do something that bothers them to let me know.

If you want to see him again, let him know he made you uncomfortable, tell him that you don't feel like that's appropriate for people trying to establish a friendship, and go from there.

If you don't want to see him again, then move on and find someone who's a better match.

Richard


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