Love younger guys, repulsed by older guys. But I am old. What to do?

[sunlover]

I'm a 42 year old white British gay guy. I am attracted to young guys 18-30

Now it is not unusual for older guys like myself to find younger guys attractive, but most older guys are also attracted to their own age. I am not. Indeed I am repulsed by any guys of my own age, unless they are asian or black or anything non-white.

My question is does this indicate I have a psychological problem? Should I have counselling or therapy etc.

At the moment I am not getting much sex - indeed the only sex and intimacy I am getting are from non white guys, of which there are quite a lot in London. But I have moved out of London now, and there are not many where I have moved to.

What should I do to try to resolve this problem? I see a number of options:

1. Try to get myself to find attractive guys of my own age.
2. Try to dress better, get fitter etc and try to attract young guys directly without paying for it - I think this IS possible, but is, I suspect, quite difficult.
3. Pay for sex with younger guys - the "Rent boy" option.

Which of these do you think I should do?

I don't know why I don't fancy guys of my own age. I just look at them and think - ewwww that's a man!
I also think that perhaps when I was young myself, guys of that age perved over me (I think I was a good looking twink then), and I felt violated by it. I never went with an older man. In fact I never went with anyone because when I was young I was a straight guy - I only fancied women. Not that I got any mind because I was too shy. But now I've found homosexuality in the last 10 years I say f*ck women, I can have a man.
Around 10 years ago there were lots of chinese guys - they were soooo sexy. I used to have fun with quite a lot of them in their late 20's and early 30's and it was a really sexy time. But they have gone from London to some extent, and as I said I have left London, so I'm in the crap a bit.

Sorry to bang on a bit, but I'm feeling really broody surrounded by lots of hot young guys, yet I feel like a pervert trying to chat them up and get into their underpants etc.

[Pix]

Many men are that way, straight and gay, it's just one of the reasons why I believe men are more visual when it comes to attraction than women (generally speaking).

The best thing would be to overcome that and learn to appreciate people for something other than their looks and/or age. But if that's not an option then I'd vote for option 2, just be honest about it. There are plenty of younger guys (like gals) who love older men (don't be surprised if they're looking more for a sugar daddy, however, and have a lover on the side who's their own age but lacking the stability and money that older guys can offer) so I think it could work. Heck, put an ad out (and as radical as it sounds, try to be HONEST in it about what you want), I'd hope that would help to avoid creeping out younger guys who wouldn't appreciate the attention while connecting with the guys who do appreciate it, and the guys who want an older guy will probably be less judgmental about the physical flaws that come with age.

[MisterTinkles]

I have a theory on age issues regarding men....all men.

From my observations of the male human (including myself), I find that most (if not all) mens personalities and traits tend to stop at the time they were most happiest. whether this was at 14 years old, 18 years old, 25 years old, or 40 years old.

I realized this in myself a long time ago, and I noticed it in almost all other men too.

I was happiest in my mid to late teens. So it seems thats where my personality and personality traits have stopped. Not that I havent matured or "grown up", but that what makes me me, is still a teen.

If you were happiest in your earlier years with guys your own age (at that time), then this is probably where your "inner most man" stopped growing in regards to your personal preferences for men.

Now there IS a difference between a man who still feels he's young, as opposed to a man who is into pedophilia.

There's nothing wrong with liking younger guys of legal age, but it is more difficult for older men to find younger guys. Unless they have the stereotypical look that young gay men are brainwashed into believing we all look like when we get older.

If you have the money to PAY for it, then you can certainly be a Sugar Daddy. If you are looking for a younger guy and you believe you wont have luck with the way you are handling it right now, then I suggest that you look into becoming a Sugar Daddy.

There are young guys with daddy fetishes out there also, but they seem to think all "daddies" look like one of two ways....
This


Or this


Of course we know we dont all look like that, and that the men who DO look like this are in the minorities. But this is what they have been brainwashed into believing. No, not all young guys with daddy fetishes find either of these attractive, but that is in the minority also.

There's nothing wrong with liking younger guys. But you have to be realistic.

There ARE men out there who look a LOT younger than they are, as well as some that look a LOT older than they are. If its "age defining looks" you are after, then I would suggest that someone who LOOKS 20 years old would be more viable than just stating that you ONLY want someone 20 years old.

But you have to figure out what it is that you really want and whats more important to you in finding a friend, mate, boyfriend, or lover. Once you figure that out, you may have a better chance of finding the type of guy you are looking for.


PS
Ive met plenty of 30 year old men in my time so far, that still look like they are 18-20 years old.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I have a theory on age issues regarding men....all men.

From my observations of the male human (including myself), I find that most (if not all) mens personalities and traits tend to stop at the time they were most happiest. whether this was at 14 years old, 18 years old, 25 years old, or 40 years old.

That explains my problem(s)... I have never been happy....

[Slidezone303]

1. Try to get myself to find attractive guys of my own age.

I am an older male. I have tried to date men my age, tell myself to go for inner qualities rather than externals. It just didn't work in bed. Most of my closer friendships are with men in my age range, but when it comes down to "bed" I am into younger men. It is my truth. Coping with it is a a challenge, but challenges are meant to strengthen, IMHO. I have "avenues" for looking for younger men, but I do not despair when it doesn't work out. I have younger men in my life (employees) and one good friend who is straight. They nourish me in many ways and though I am not able to sleep with them I am happy they are in my life.

2. Try to dress better, get fitter etc and try to attract young guys directly without paying for it - I think this IS possible, but is, I suspect, quite difficult.

Dressing well means a lot to me, but I do not dress to attract younger men. I dress because I like colors and styles. Right now I style my hair in faux hawk, not because it is what the "dudes" are doing, but because I like it and I also get good feedback from friends and acquaintances. If hairstyle isn't working for my female friends I can be pretty sure it isn't working on me.

3. Pay for sex with younger guys - the "Rent boy" option.

I did that a couple of times years ago when I use to come to Vegas on vacation. It IS expensive. One encounter was very fine and worth every bit the dough I spent. I wouldn't suggest it as a regular habit, unless you are incredibly wealthy..

You might trying signing up at local gay sites that specialize in younger men looking for older men.

Good luck,

Slider

[Edward]

You are not old and young men are your prefrence, there's nothing wrong with it. I'm sure there are many guys who would prefer older and more experienced man rather than young guy who doesn't know a thing about relationships.

[TKC]

I find myself typically dating guys in their 30's and 40's and have since I came out. While now, it means many are in my age group, when I was younger it meant some were 12 or 15 years older than me. It's just a preference. Guys younger than early 30's, to me, have a boyish quality that I'm not looking for. Guys older than that I have a hard time finding common interest with (but if I'm just looking for a fling, they're definitely in the running).

Just like the thread about not/being attracted to those of a certain race, age is another of those personal preference factors that we all get to work around when looking for a good lay/perfect relationship.

[Kenny221]

There are young guys with daddy fetishes out there also, but they seem to think all "daddies" look like one of two ways....
This

Totally off topic but...WOOF!

[pellaz]

your not getting any?
time to settle down and grow up

[LateBloomer]

your not getting any?
time to settle down and grow up

Yeah,

There's a difference between sexual attraction/hook ups and actually dating with the intention of having a long term relationship.

I'm guessing the OP is mostly just hooking up and not "dating" per se. A guy in his 40s dating a guy in his 20s could find himself with a bunch of other issues besides sexual attraction.