He's 16, I'm 24. Too young?

[bluefox4000]

I don't really care about the age thing. it's the lying that gets me. if it were me........good bye buddy. That's just a big thing to me personally......no trust no dice.

Mick

[Tulloni]

If he is the age of consent in the State of Indiana then I suppose legally its okay for Evan to pursue the (potential) relationship further and continue seeing this boy. In the UK the age of consent is 16 though in the US you still have to be really careful and check the law beforehand as some states probably have different ages of consent I assume.

But there's another side to this as well, even if it would be legal there could still be problems especially if his parents or family are homophobic at all. Whilst it is unlikely to happen you guys could have an argument or some kind of falling out and the boy, especially if he is a bit unstable and is keeping that a secret, could go to his family and cry 'rape' or something horrible like that at least and before you know it they're at your doorstep or they get the cops involved. I don't like to say it but you get these kind of scumbags (I call them human trash because that is basically what they are - I don't believe in political correctness, at the end of the day a waster is a waster and not someone who's just down on their luck).

I feel bad saying that but there are some people like that. He may seem alright now, and he may in fact turn out to be nice guy, but you never know what someone is really like at this stage. I would err on the side of caution with this one. I'd talk to him, stay as friends (only) but keep him at some distance for now. Maybe later when he gets a bit older and you've known him a bit better you could pursue a relationship but for now I'd leave it.

[BobInTampa]

Well, i have to echo the RED FLAGS on this question.

Ok Evan, so you know that the age of Consent is 16, but did you know that since you're over the age of 21, IF your new friend (or his parents) accuse you of having sex - you are in DEEP, DEEP trouble.

Here's the link to the law: http://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/ar...wyers.html

Now, I know you are saying that you will NOT have sex with him - but 2 years is a LONG time to wait to have a more intimate relationship with him. And, while he seems and acts very mature - the fact of the matter is he is NOT an adult and, in my opinion, there's just TOO MUCH risk to you to continue being ANYTHING more than being friends.

So what are your options? Well, first off, i have a question: Do his parents know he's gay and do they KNOW about you and the "dates" you've been on together? If the answer is YES they know and are ok with you two "dating" i'd strongly urge you to have an ADULT conversation with his parents about your intentions.

If the answer is NO they don't know and NO he's not out - I think you're in a catch 22.

If you stop pursuing him from a romantic perspective, you risk him acting out (like many 16 year olds can do) and risking being accused of being a pedophile - and you do NOT want that. Even if you were found NOT GUILTY of having sex with him - imagine the impact on your life, your family, your future? You'll forever be branded - even tho you're not guilty of anything.

there's just way too much risk.

I lived in Indiana for 5 years and it's still VERY, VERY conservative. Heck, there was an article in the news just this week about a law that, if passed, would make it illegal to even apply for a marriage liscence AND a minister can be jailed for performing a gay marriage.

So, what do you think would happen if your local paper calls and asks you (and your folks) to comment on the accusations by a 16 year old (or his parents) accusing you of pursuing their minor son for sex?

You are in dangerous waters here my friend and my advice to you is to have a sit down with this young man (and if it were me i'd have a friend of yours with you) and tell him that no matter how much you both like each other, that given his age you have to wait a while until you can get out from under the dark cloud of legal issues around a 24 year old dating a 16 year old.

Hope this works out buddy...but i'm scared for you!

[OrphanPip]

Ok Evan, so you know that the age of Consent is 16, but did you know that since you're over the age of 21, IF your new friend (or his parents) accuse you of having sex - you are in DEEP, DEEP trouble.

You've misread the link though, the over 21 thing has to do with the age exemption for 14-16. It's totally legal for him to have sex with a 16 year old in Indiana, though perhaps morally questionable for a number of reasons.

Also, Alex the age of consent in all of Canada is 18 for gay sex (though no one between 16-17 has been charged for anything in decades) and 16 for heterosexual (it was standardized nationally by the Cons a few years ago, many provinces had 14 as the age of consent prior to that), the age of majority is not what determines the age of consent for sex. Though there are provisions under Canadian law about sexual exploitation that apply to 16 and 17 year olds, which involve people in authority like teachers and coaches (as well as anti-prostitution and pornography provisions). It's also legal in Canada to marry someone at 16 if they have parental consent.

The confusion about age 18 as the age of consent in the US comes from the fact that most US TV is produced in California or New York, which are two of the few states that have 18 as the age of consent.

[SeaDevil]

Yeah, my boyfriend is significantly older than me, but we're both adults. There's quite a large difference in thought between 16 and 21. Physically his brain isn't even fully developed, and he's still psychologically developing identity, whether or not he's mature for 16, he's 16.

[dvdbwn]

i think it's too young but i never had any interest in younger guys in general, so i think 18 would be too young too. lol.

if he's truly the one then there isn't any rush. you clicked, but you don't really know him yet. get to know him, then date when you're positive he's mature, or ready, or the one.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

If he was 26 and you were 34 would this age difference be a huge deal, a problem?

No. It is only 8 years difference, and in 2 years no one will bat an eye at an 18 year old and a 26 year old dating, having sex whatever.

but because he is 16 and there are laws, suddenly everyone is scared about what could happen - regardless that you are both of the same generation and in two years no one would talk about how far apart you two are in age, because most people consider 8 years to be typical, or pretty much average.

Its not like you are 64 and trying to date a 16 year old - in two years time people will talk about the old man and the boy..


I would strongly urge you to go to the local legal library and ask a librarian/law clerk to show you the laws on 'age of consent' in the law books for your state/region. And then get a photocopy of those pages that apply.

No do not look on line, get it from a hard copy law book, the most recent addition to make certain that you are under the right law and the current law. Politicians love to change laws around all the time. The books are kept updated, websites - not so much.

If age of consent is 16 without any exceptions (many of these laws do have odd exceptions) then date him openly. If there are exceptions, then be a distant friend and wait two years just to keep yourself legally safe.

[SlipknotRlZZ]

Why are most people replying to this thread so hostile? The guy was very honest about everything, said it worried him and came here for advice - repeating several times that he understands the complications of the situations and doesn't want to come across as a perv.

When I was 16, last year, I met a guy who was 20 at the time. We immediately clicked, holy shit, some serious soulmate stuff, you know? It's a long-distance relationship for us, but the thought of our age difference complicating the situation has never ever crossed our minds (I'm aware the age gap in this case is smaller, but still).

I think that if you two are happy together, you should be together and have fun and see where all of this goes. Talk to him about it, make sure he's honest this time. About sex, hoenstly, I don't think the fact that he isn't legal matters if you two, at some point, realize that you trust each other enough to do it. I have no trouble believe you w hen you say that he's mature for his age and as for the concerns some people have voice, that he's still a teenager after all and you gotta be careful with his emotions - that's something for you to figure out between the two of you. A relationship will either work out or it won't. I think it will be massively foolish to not try at least, if you make each other happy.

Good luck! :]]]

[AlfredM]

About sex, honestly, I don't think the fact that he isn't legal matters if you two, at some point, realize that you trust each other enough to do it.

I don't think the problem is the trust between the two,but like megumi said,his parents still hold power over him and could file legal suit on the other guy,and can you really say honestly that you trust his parents won't do that? Sometimes parents has other way of finding things out,even if that 16 y.o. guy won't tell them. That's the actual concern,at least by me. =/

[Evan]

@ Jake

I see what you mean, but I need to get something straight. I don't like him simply because he's good looking. There are a ton of really good looking guys out there; if that was all I cared about, I'd move on to the next guy closer to my own age. It's not that simple. The reason I like this guy in particular is because he's funny, intelligent, into the same things as me, sweet, and believe it or not, mature in the way he thinks. Now I realize even if he is mature, he's still a high school teenager and he can't be at the same level emotionally as me, but I just wanted to make clear I don't like him just because he's handsome.

But yes, you do have a point about the sex part. I thought about it, and I'd be fooling myself if I thought nothing was gonna happen in a year and a half. I really wouldn't mind waiting if, say, he wasn't ready, but if he and I both want to.. yeah.. However, if his parents wouldn't have a problem with it, and even better if the age of consent really is 16 in Indiana, then that's not a real problem anymore.

And yes I wanna meet his parents if things really do get serious. And in this case, having a good talk would probably be wise, too. In any case, I don't wanna keep seeing him behind his parents back or without his parents knowing the full truth about me. That seems like a recipe for some kind of bad ending.

@ stranger 221

If he'd told me he was 16 when I met him, then no.. I would not have taken it this far. So yeah, I understand why he did it.

Some people say the lying would be a problem to them. But it's really not to me. Don't get me wrong; openness, honesty and trust are big things to me in a relationship, but we didn't even know each other when he decided to lie, and as soon as things got a little more serious and we started hanging out more, he came clean and told me the truth, even though he knew the possible consequences.

@BobInTampa

They know he's gay and they're fine with that. They know he's been on dates, but he's lied to his parents about my age. He's told them I'm 20. I didn't really understand the problem, seeing as I thought he was 18, but figured his parents were probably a little strict or something. But now that I know he's 16, I suddenly understand why he lied to them.
They thought 20 was a bit old (again, I didn't understand), but because he let them read some of my texts, and promised to only go on dates where there were other people around (which he did), they didn't object to it. So.. yeah.. they'll probably react differently when they find out I'm actually 24.. For the record, I've always encouraged him to tell them the truth about my age. He could show his parents all my texts in which I tell him he shouldn't lie to them about it. That way they can see I'm not some kind of freak predator or something. (And they can also see I didn't even know he was underage.)
I don't really know his parents, so I don't know how they'll react to that. I've already told him first of all he should tell them the truth, and then if they react badly I should probably back off. I just hope they won't.

That sounds scary I'd like to think they wouldn't do that, but I know it's happened to guys before. Ugh.. I just wish he was a little older so I wouldn't have to think about this.

@OrphanPip

Ok so I'm still not sure whether it's 16 or 18 now. Well one of my friends is in law school, I've asked him to look it up.. crossing my fingers!
But, explain morally questionable.. for what reasons? (genuinely curious)

@Bowyn Aerrow

Thanks for the advice, and for being a little more positive I've asked my friend to go through the legal documents.. hopefully I'll know soon.


And thanks to anyone else as well, it means a lot that everyone is trying to help.