After 6 years together, you definitely deserve an explanation. That doesn't mean you will get one. I would tell him that I don't understand what happened, but I'd like to try if he could only share his thoughts. If he doesn't care enough about you to do that soon, be prepared to move on.
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Evan Wrote:I think people are jumping at conclusions here. What do we know about this guy or the relationship him and the OP had? Absolutely nothing at all. So there's no need to call him names or worry the OP by coming up with possible worst case scenarios.
You are totally right that name calling was uncalled for. Jumping to conclusion and seeing worst case scenario, I agree to a certain extent. However people react to the actual message... and I believe the reaction is just normal. We definitely don't know what type of relationship those two had and that would be the reason why I proposed that the OP do a retrospective of their relationship. Notwithstanding I don't know what was the longest you have been in a relationship yourself (and I am not asking) but a 6 years relationship that ends abruptly as per the op explained, there's not much options to be found when someone comes and gives very little details. So that others react with the worst case scenario I do not find it odd at all.
Quote:Everything was perfect, we always had time each for other and nothing else mattered.
That's the op point of view of his relationship, I wonder what's his partner though of it. There's always two sides to a medal and we only have one.
Quote: We almost didn't argue at all.
The keyword here is almost... my question to the op is, when it did occur how would it ends? And how bad was it?
Quote:And now one day he just told me that it’s over. He said that we’re not a couple anymore and he never wants to see me again. Of course, I was unpleasantly surprised and upset. I couldn't believe it and I still can’t believe it’s over.
I'm a bit perplex about this... could you develop on that... because unless the person has a very unbalanced and/or uncontrolled psychosomatic behavior... things like that doesn't happen out of the sudden. It's not like a headache that appear out of nowhere and even a headache you know the signs when it's coming. Now I'm not a doctor like my husband so I won't develop on headaches  ... well I'm a doctor but not that kind of doctor lol... so would you mind developing on that?
Quote:So, OP.. the fact of the matter is, none of us know why he broke up with you, until you guys talk about it.
I totally agree with this... yes to me it sound like another man may be in the mirador... but who the hell knows "Not us"... only your partner knows and perhaps you know too but you are too shocked at the moment to figure out anything.
If a breakup happens between me and my husband tomorrow (and we have been 8 years together) and I were to post a message in here... I really don't believe that anyone could really help as the issue would regards only us two. 6 years relationship is a long run my friend... a lot have happened during those 6 years... which cannot be explained in 1 paragraph and a half.
I know it's difficult, I know you may be extremely confused and angry but the best you can do is either to let the dust come down and petition your partner about it and try to remain calm. Don't go with "I believe he still loves me" you don't know that for sure until you and him gets a real discussion.
I am sorry to tell you that my friend but NO ONES here can help you. At least not at this stage.
Courage little friend you'll need some.
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Ryocchi Wrote:You know, when someone who supposedly love you/loved you hurts you like this, reasons doesn't matter, throw away anything that reminds you of him, have a medical check asap and move on with your life.
Wathever the reason is, it's meaningless.
Sorry dude 6 years of relationship can not be return as a unwanted Christmas gift. There was emotions shared, moment, secrets. It is not a disposable feelings. Throwing away things will not remove what stands in your memory.
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A little math here:
6 years of love in heaven and it comes crashing to the concrete floor of hell.
Nothing more than a simple goodbye and no reasons given.
To me this says he was cheating. Though because the OP hasn't come back with further information - it's all just assumptions and opinions.
When I dated a guy last year (and it wasn't for long) there were all the signs of total relationship - but he had the balls to confess cheating, with no pity from me when he had his sister tell me it was over.
To the OP:
For the sake of your health - you might consider seeing a doctor for a simple blood test.
For the sake of everything else - time heals all wounds, just be safe and try to keep him off your mind.
At most, do something constructive. I usually start painting with some music on the speakers.
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I agree in that he found someone else.
He could've just got bored with being in a relationship with you,
and decided to go it alone and single for awhile.
But,
his actions of abruptly leaving,
no questions asked,
or concerns put forth,
gives reason to believe
it was something with a great need
to be shielded in secrecy from you ever knowing.
It could be an STD,
like some have said,
from cheating...
So ya,
get tested.
([B]Side note: you shouldn't be going at it bareback anyways. I don't care how long you've been together... men are bound to cheat... always. Just because suspicions or evidence are non-existent doesn't mean shit!)[/B]
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Jake Wrote:Sorry dude 6 years of relationship can not be return as a unwanted Christmas gift. There was emotions shared, moment, secrets. It is not a disposable feelings. Throwing away things will not remove what stands in your memory.
Obviously there were and from time to time people unwantingly recalls those moments, but there's no point anymore in selfconciously do so, if the dude could throw away the op so easily, there's nothing else to do, he asked for an explanation, he wasn't given one, so the most healthy thing is to move on, most of the time the reason we have such a hard time moving on it's because we conciously or unconciously still have hopes that things can get ressolved, and that only brings more pain and stops you from meeting experiencing something new and beautiful with somebody else, memori emotions and all that are beautiful but when something like this happens as cruel as it sounds the best thing you can do is to take a day to go through the entire relationship in your mind, thank it for how it helped to grow you, look fondly at the good memories, aknowledge the bad things, aknowledge your own faults and his, cry your heart out, and the next morning throw it all away.
So you can meet someone who really desserves your thrust and emotions, or simply so you can become happy again faster.
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Guys, thank you for your opinions and answers.
To be honest, I've no idea of what cound have gone wrong between me and him. Someone asked - yes, we've had arguments, but they really happened very rarely and they were about small things, that we solved quickly. We've never had big fights. We always talked about what we don't like in each other's behaviour and ended up with some compromise.
I guess I'm really naive, but I don't believe he could cheat on me. We've been together for a long time, I know him and I know he wouldn't date two guys at the same time. Also if he would have found another guy or got tired of me, he would probably became distant with me and wouldn't spend so much time with me.
It's hard to let go someone you love when you don't even know why.
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Ryocchi Wrote:Obviously there were and from time to time people unwantingly recalls those moments, but there's no point anymore in selfconciously do so, if the dude could throw away the op so easily, there's nothing else to do, he asked for an explanation, he wasn't given one, so the most healthy thing is to move on, most of the time the reason we have such a hard time moving on it's because we conciously or unconciously still have hopes that things can get ressolved, and that only brings more pain and stops you from meeting experiencing something new and beautiful with somebody else, memori emotions and all that are beautiful but when something like this happens as cruel as it sounds the best thing you can do is to take a day to go through the entire relationship in your mind, thank it for how it helped to grow you, look fondly at the good memories, aknowledge the bad things, aknowledge your own faults and his, cry your heart out, and the next morning throw it all away.
So you can meet someone who really desserves your thrust and emotions, or simply so you can become happy again faster.
I completely disagree. For starters, this was a six year relationship. I don't know if you've ever been in a long term relationship (and I don't mean one year.. really several years), but it's not something you just throw away. There was something special there, and something must've happened for his boyfriend to all of a sudden just throw it all away. If this was just a fling, I'd say move on as well, but in this case he owes you an explanation.
Secondly, even if you do decide you wanna get over it in a day.. that's definitely not the most healthy option. You can't process all your emotions in one day. You can't really come to a closure if you decide to forget all about it in just one day. You'll keep asking yourself why, you'll keep missing him, and you definitely will not be able to build a healthy relationship with someone else if you're still (perhaps unconsciously) not over this guy.
So no, don't just throw it all away. Get that explanation. If it's something you guys can work out, work it out. If it's something you can't work out (he cheated, for example), then you can try and move on. And then it will be in a healthy way, because at least you'll know the reason.
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Evan Wrote:I completely disagree. For starters, this was a six year relationship. I don't know if you've ever been in a long term relationship (and I don't mean one year.. really several years), but it's not something you just throw away. There was something special there, and something must've happened for his boyfriend to all of a sudden just throw it all away. If this was just a fling, I'd say move on as well, but in this case he owes you an explanation.
Secondly, even if you do decide you wanna get over it in a day.. that's definitely not the most healthy option. You can't process all your emotions in one day. You can't really come to a closure if you decide to forget all about it in just one day. You'll keep asking yourself why, you'll keep missing him, and you definitely will not be able to build a healthy relationship with someone else if you're still (perhaps unconsciously) not over this guy.
So no, don't just throw it all away. Get that explanation. If it's something you guys can work out, work it out. If it's something you can't work out (he cheated, for example), then you can try and move on. And then it will be in a healthy way, because at least you'll know the reason.
That only works when the other person wish to talk or mend things, a relationship is about two people, if the other half doesn't want to even give you a reason would you stop your life until you got one?, by the time the op posted this I assume he already tried to get one from the other person.
It was a six year relationship, does it mean op has to waste more of his time on someone who was quick to brush him away even without giving him an explanation?, i'm sorry, but I think not, for something like this to happen it must mean op's ex must have been doing something at op's back, if you can trust your partner of six year with something, what would it be?
Lastly, I'm sorry if I seem cold.
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Every hear of the 7 year itch? Google it - no not the movie, the relationship sort of thing... google it, a lot of sites cover it.
He is most likely a victim of that. Most likely he is also a victim of not understanding that love changes over time, the hot passionate kind of love gives way to deeper, more meaningful forms of love which most people can't see as love because we grew up on fairytale 'happily-ever-afters' and everyone believes that we are supposed to continually feel that hot, passionate form of love forever.
So he moved on.
He most likely is unable to put to words all of the stuff he does and does not feel. He knows he wants out but doesn't know why.
So it isn't that he is unwilling to tell you 'why' - he is unable, because most likely he doesn't even understand why.
Let him go - its harder than it sounds - I know.
Eventually you will move on. Love hurts, time wounds all heels/time heals all wounds, blah, blah, blah - all of those sayings are true.
 - hopefully to make you feel just a wee bit better.
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