He wants children, I don't. How long can this last?

[MisterTinkles]

Sounds like you both think that the other person will change their mind.

Its probably worthwhile sitting down and duking it out once and for all.
No point putting off the inevitable if you can't work out a compromise or come to an agreement do you really want to keep dragging it out?

I second that.

If there is this "wedge" between you two right now, its just going to keep on getting bigger and deeper everyday. If you guys cannot compromise, then this will be the end of you two, one way or the other.

And when you asked him if this is a dealbreaker, he gave you his answer, even if he didnt say anything.

[pellaz]

to the OP
life running too smooth?

[Anonymous]

Ok so I'm torn now.

He's been texting me all day that he can live without children, he just wants to be with me. And if I travel a lot he'll travel with me as much as he can.

I don't want him to feel like he's giving up something to be with me, but I love this man so much. I've never loved anyone like I love him, and I've never trusted anyone like him.

Can we still solve this by talking? Can a person who wants to have kids be happy when he gets told to his face that he's not gonna get any in this relationship?

[MisterTinkles]

Ok so I'm torn now.

He's been texting me all day that he can live without children, he just wants to be with me. And if I travel a lot he'll travel with me as much as he can.

I don't want him to feel like he's giving up something to be with me, but I love this man so much. I've never loved anyone like I love him, and I've never trusted anyone like him.

Can we still solve this by talking? Can a person who wants to have kids be happy when he gets told to his face that he's not gonna get any in this relationship?

He might come to terms with it, he might not.

Even if he concedes and wants to stay with you without kids, there will always be a resentment there.

He may feel like he can live without kids today, but tomorrow is always a different day.


Some suggestions for you and your BF to consider:

1. It is still difficult to adopt kids, much more so for gay parents.
2. It is EXPENSIVE to have kids, as well as time consuming. Your life isnt yours anymore, you have to live for the kids.
3. You might consider Foster Care, where you get a kid for a few months out of the year. Which also is more difficult for gay couples.
4. Your BF might consider volunteering at a day care center or an orphanage. This might help him work out his wanting kids. He may find out they are much more work than he is willing to give.


And the MOST important thing is, that in order to adopt kids, you have to be together for some years, have a STABLE relationship, have a clean house, have stable jobs, have a certain amount of money in the bank, be able to pay for the adoption, most importantly - no possible issues that could result in both of you separating or ending your partnership.
And you would be visited by the adoption people, at random, anytime, anyplace, to see how you live, work, and cope.

Has your BF considered ANY of these things?
Is he willing to have BOTH of your lives under such scrutiny for a long period of time?