I was forced to come out and I don't know how to live now.

[Anonymous]

I’m 22 years old guy and I’ve a hard situation in my life right now. I’m gay and I had a boyfriend. We were together for 4 years. He’s openly gay and I was in the closet. During the last year this slowly became a problem for us. He became more and more frustrated with my being in closet. He always said that he’s tired of being my dirty secret and that he wants everyone to know that we love each other. I’ve never understood what’s the matter with being in closet. Actually I never planned coming out, I was completely satisfied with being in closet. I've never wanted to let someone know I'm gay. My friends still doesn’t know I’m gay. I’m almost completely sure that they would accept me, but I just don’t want them to know. However, somehow it was very important for my boyfriend. He asked me very often to come out, to tell my parents and my friends that we’re together. I refused, I loved him, but I didn’t think I should do something I don’t want.

And then my boyfriend did something that I would have never expected from him. We were having dinner at my place together with my parents. My parents knew him, but only as a friend of mine. Then suddenly he said to my parents that their son wants to tell them something. When I didn’t he said that I’m gay and we’re together and he’s the love of my life. I was totally shocked. My parents’ reaction was just as I expected it to be, they were mad and furious. They are conservative and they’ll never accept me being gay.

Of course, I broke up with my boyfriend. I cannot forgive this to him. However, he doesn’t leave me alone and doesn’t want to understand we’re not a couple anymore. He thinks he has helped me and now I don’t have to hide. I don’t understand how stupid can he be. He doesn’t realize he’s destroyed my whole life. My parents don’t talk to me anymore, my dad just told me that he’s very ashamed of me and that as long as I don’t let go of all this gay rubbish, I’m not his son anymore. I’m a student and I’ve a part time job, but I don’t have where to live. I’m not welcome in my parents’ house anymore, now I’m living together with my coursemate and friend who owns a flat, but I can’t stay there forever. I feel completely alone. I’ve lost my family, everything I had thanks to this idiot who used to be my boyfriend. How should I live now?

[Dan1980]

Hi I am sorry this happened to you. I can see where your boyfriend was coming from he's been your secret for years and he just wanted people to know that you were together. What he did was wrong but he had to get it out off his system. Try to talk to him don't throw away all thoose years together.

[lhersley]

Something very similar happened to me when I was 18. My boyfriend at the time outed me to my parents and I also ended up leaving him because of this. In regards to your boyfriend, I think that you did the right thing by leaving him. No one should ever out anyone else - especially someone you trust. I am very sorry that he did that to you.

I will say, however, that when I was outed (and then starting coming out to everyone myself) my life though shitty at first got so much better. I felt more free and I felt that this whole new world opened up to me. My parents reacted very similarly as yours and I was at first devisted. However, I quickly realized that it was their problem and not mine. They were the ones in the wrong and they had to get over it. Thus, I didn't speak to my parents for 2 years. It wasn't until my 20th birthday that they reached out to me and apologized. Now we have the best, most open relationship in the world. They completely reversed their stance and are very supportive. Maybe this will happen for you; maybe it will not. Either way though, it is your parents who are wrong (your father shouldn't be ashamed of you but you should be ashamed of your father) and you who will move on and continue to lead a fantastic life.

My advice would be to put yourself out there. Meet a ton of new accepting people. Make use of the many services available to you. Stay with friends until you can get on your feet financially. It is tough, I know. I lived from 18-21 on my own - paying rent while attending college full time. It wasn't easy, but I found great people to help me through it. Now I am happier than ever and on the right track.

I know this might not be what you want to hear, but it is the best I can do at the moment. But if you ever need more personal advice or just need to vent, please message me and I will try to help. I am not sure where in the world you live, but I am certain that I can help you think through ways to get through this.

All my love and best wishes to you!

[Geminize]

Wow, that is such a sad story. I feel for you.

I would have done the same as you, break up with him. It's unbelievable that he would do that to you if he cares about you. If he couldn't stand being in a relationship with a closeted guy, he should have broken up with you. Now he's outed you and your relationship is over. I hope he doesn't try to do you any more favors.

I also understand his frustration. It's not just feeling like being your dirty secret. He may have wanted to hold hands or otherwise show some affection in public or when with other friends. Doing things as a couple with other friends or in public is entirely different then pretending not to be a couple. That in no way excuses what he did.

Now take a few deep breaths and realize that your life has not been destroyed. Hopefully things will mellow out with your parents over time, but even if not your life is not destroyed. Things may be more difficult for a while without your parents' support, but people have faced worse situations and overcome them. You can too.

I would block the ex bf on my phone and avoid him for a while. He needs to realize what he did and that you are no longer a couple. If you want it to be over between you, just make that clear.

Good luck.

[Ryocchi]

He was out of line for doing this, you're 22 I didn't came out until I was 23 to my parents and by that time I was financially independent and could have move out if they didn't accept me, furthermore,he didn't thought of this, he only took in consideration his own feelings, not your parents, not yours, it's a very delicate issue specially with conservative parents, maybe he didn't do it with ill intentions but it wasn't his right to tell them and in such a blunt way, it was something only you had the right to do.

Saying this, I do get where he is coming from, is not easy being with someone and not being able to tell, where you disrespectful of him in front of your friends? did you flir with girls?, did you put your friends over him most of the time?, those may have been catalyst, and in such case he shoud have spoken to you and decide if he could like like that or break up with you, but if you weren't like that and he still did what he did then maybe it's better to part ways now, these kind of decisions you need to take them yourself or as a couple but him pushing you like this, it wasn't the way to do things.

Now what's done it's done, I hope thinks work out for you, and your parents come around after sometime, best of wishes

[Pix]

Very sorry to hear of this. Your ex was very selfish in the extreme (or sheltered & naive in the extreme) to have done something so vile. Of course I understand his frustration, but understanding has to be a two way street! If he found the sitch that intolerable then the honorable thing to have done would be to give you an ultimatum of coming our or ending the relationship, that is choose between secrecy and him, not make the decision for you careless of what it would do to you (because in his mind it was all about HIM with NO consideration for you, and claim otherwise just BS rationalization).

I'm sorry that I can't really say what to do now, but I hope you never go back to that guy. As far as I'm concerned it's good riddance to bad rubbish.

[Eros]

Well, If I was him I would've dumped you years ago, and if people reject you for who you are, then they are not worthy of your love. <3