desperate and losing my grip.

[hank]

I have been close to a guy before and even though it was heart wrenching it was worthit to feel that closeness. I find myself aching for that closeness again. Its gotten to the point that if somebody brushed against me or touches me in a non sexual way i become aroused.

I fear dating someone because i fear i would simply hurl myself at them and freak them out or be used for sex.

I Am going nuts don't know what to do its like I am a horny teenager again.

Any advise?

[Jason111]

Hey. I'm sad to hear what you're going through, but I surely can relate with that sort of loneliness. Back in the day, I would get a boner if a good looking guy only gave me a massive hug or just looked at me in a sexy way.

Don't be afraid of scaring potential new guy away. My only advice to you would be to masturbate before going on a date with him. I know it sounds stupid, but it can come in handy. That way you won't get crazy horny if he touches you or tries to kiss you.

Good luck and let me know what's happening.
Hugs.

[Kenny221]

Okay, I just wanna start off telling you that it's perfectly normal to be horny. You just have a high sex drive , that's nothing to be ashamed of.

"But he that dares not grasp the thorn, Should never crave the rose"
You gotta remember that everyone has thorns, and it's just the way how life works. It would be horrible to fear dating out of fear that you'll be used or that you'd become over passionate.

If you don't want to be used for sex, that is a simple matter. Find sites where people are looking for relationship rather then looking for sex. If you're so worried about being used, then just wait. Don't have sex on the first date, and wait until you feel you're secure enough.

I think you're just overthinking with the 'being over passionate' part. I mean, if you realize it, you can also probably stop it.

[hank]

Thanks, its been so long since I have been intimate with somebody. lots of things have changed since then. I came out, have grown comfortable with being openly gay and many other good things. There is just this longing that i feel, like a void that just opened up inside. Perhaps it is because I am no longer occupied with hiding my sexuality, or pretending to be something else. Perhaps it just made me realize hire lonely I really am.

There is left over fear from coming out. Just letting go of the idea that I am going to have a heterosexual life. Something i thought i wanted but now I don't think so.

[Kenny221]

Ay, i know what you mean. I have it way worst because I'm an ACTUAL gay HORNY teenager! Unlike you guys, we really don't have much options when it comes to finding dates.

But yes, I felt that void opening up too since I've came out last april or so, and I definitely know how you feel about aching for some intimacy with someone.

I think it's just the realization that we can be who we are, and that's the thought that's getting us all riled up, and aching to get to the next 'level' of being a open homosexual man....to find someone! To find someone we can give everything to, and to find someone who you will love and would equally feel the same way about you.

[MisterTinkles]

Well, I hate to suggest this..........but..........


Why not just look for a guy for sex right now?
There are these guys who are known as "fuck buddies". Basically friends with benefits.

I had one back in the 1990's. We had lots of fun together, going to movies, running around, playing video games and stuff. And when the mood hit both of us, we had sex. We knew it wasnt a dating relationship at all, just friends with benefits. And I have to say, its nice having "all the cards" on the table before getting into something like that. No expectations or concerns about all that relationship stuff.

And if you are so inclined, you can still look for a boyfriend.

Just thought I would put that out there for you.

[hank]

Well, I hate to suggest this..........but..........


Why not just look for a guy for sex right now?
There are these guys who are known as "fuck buddies". Basically friends with benefits.

I had one back in the 1990's. We had lots of fun together, going to movies, running around, playing video games and stuff. And when the mood hit both of us, we had sex. We knew it wasnt a dating relationship at all, just friends with benefits. And I have to say, its nice having "all the cards" on the table before getting into something like that. No expectations or concerns about all that relationship stuff.

And if you are so inclined, you can still look for a boyfriend.

Just thought I would put that out there for you.

I have thought about this. The idea strikes me as a good one but I am just so damn shy about it. I was talking to one of my straight friends the other day and he asked me about swallowingand if I have ever done it before. I became extremely embarrassed and shy. Just talking about sex. I need somebody extremely patient. I just don't think it would work having a friend with benefits, not at least until I get some experience.

I don't know.

[MisterTinkles]

Its difficult finding someone else for any purpose, whether it be friends, buddies. lovers. or mates.

You have to figure out what will best work for you at this point in your life, then go with that and work for the end means.

I would think you just need to "date around" a bit to get the "feel" of whats going on in the dating world until you can make up your mind what it is you want to be looking for.

FB's are nice, because they are guys who just want to be friends with the occasional "whoopee" session. Still giving both parties the leeway to find someone to actually date....but its nice to have SOMEONE around, until the eventual find of "Mr. Right".

[hank]

I think my problem is just that I haven't ever dated anybody the two instances I had a "boyfriend" it just really fell into my lap.

[Jesunrocks]

I think my problem is just that I haven't ever dated anybody the two instances I had a "boyfriend" it just really feel into my lap.

My last f**k mate was almost 5 years ago. And He came to me not the other way around. and I've had like 3 or 4 of them altogether. Usually when I see someone checking me out, i look away, and stare at him after he passes by, then look away again at the slightest whiff of him turning around. So i guess I'm qualified as a shy person. Being alone for such a long time, sometimes it makes me feel i've been used to it. I'd like to say i like where I am and how things are. But that would be hypocritical.

It is always an easier thing to surrender ourselves to the fear of failure or something worse and settle for something less scary, less riky.... but the bottom line is we can settle for so many things, and tell other ppl how glad we are so our situations seem less sad. But at the end of day, it's just that one thing we want, but it can't be supplanted by anything else, then settling for something else is not an option.

I remember a few years back, I heard a girl saying "But tonight, I want things to change." in a movie or on TV. I can't remember. The context maybe entirely irrelevant here. But this line has been popping out a lot lately on my mind. and i'm doing things for myself to change(not about dating though...Baby steps..).

There will always be a first time. maybe it's time to make a change? As much of a cliche as it may sound, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Even if it won't work, you can always come back here and tell us about it right? Good luck!!