Advice on coming out...of my shell

[TonyAndonuts]

So, I think it's time for me to finally come out of...my shell. Not the closet, I'm not even sure if I'm even in it yet.

Basically, it's hard for me to judge my sexuality because I have zero experience in romance. I'm just not a very social person in generally. I'm just a shy, quiet, socially awkward, reclusive guy who spends most of his time watching Youtube videos and playing video games. I'm lucky I don't look like one of those stereotypical overweight nerds.

I think my problem began in elementary school. I was surrounded by rowdy kids that yelled and threw stuff. My teachers would get really mad and always punish them. What I hated though was when everyone was acting crazy and the teacher would punish the whole class even when some students (like me) were being quiet and respectful. I'd keep my mouth shut, sit up straight, but all because everyone else was being stupid, I had to be punished too (nothing physical of course, just not being able to watch Shrek or something and having to do a spelling worksheet instead). But sometimes, the teacher would notice how well I was behaving and compliment me, saying "Oh I'm sorry we couldn't watch Shrek. You're a very very well behaved young boy though, not like the others." It was praise like that that kind of made me look down on everyone else. Through out my school years and even to this day, I'm always looking at people acting crazy and rebellious and I'm thinking "Thank god I'm not like them." Instead of going out to parties and clubs to dance, have sex orgies, get high, or drunk, I just sit at home playing Pikmin 3 or something. And because of that, I have no social life, because I'd actively try and avoid those people and stay isolated. And even to this day I have a hard time approaching people. I do have friends, but they all came to me, I didn't come to them. I'm lucky that I have friends at all.

So, I guess the reason I never experienced romance or intimacy or any kind of relationship is because I never approached anyone. I just sit and hope some nice super hot girl will come over and talk to me. Yeah...doesn't work like that. :/

I know I need to approach someone if I ever want a chance at falling for someone, but I always worry about how it'll go. Not only do I worry about what to even say, but I worry about what the other person is thinking of me. I know that if the situations were reversed and I were some girl and a guy came over to talk to me, I'd be thinking "Oh my god! Who is this guy!? What does he want!? Please go away! Oh my god!" I don't want to freak anyone out, especially considering how shy and awkward I already am. They might think I'm some kind of creeper.

I just wanna know if there's anyone else whose kind of been in the same situation who might have some advice. I need to overcome shyness. Before I can judge my own sexuality, I need to have some kind of true experience.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

In my experience, romance will usually find you when you least expect it

What you need to do is get yourself into some situations where it has the opportunity to find you!

You don't mention if your working - work social events are always a safe place to start.

If you're not working, how about some sociable hobbies, where you can get together or meet other people? (Book club/Gym/running etc)

If you don't have any hobbies and also don't work, how about volunteering at something where you have to interact with people, even if just to build your social skills?

Find the local LGBT organisation, and volunteer to help there one day a week.

So, lots of opportunities if you want to take/create them. You don't have to treat every encounter as a potential wife/hubby. Just get out and make some new friends, doing something you like.

Sitting behind a PC is the W O R S T thing you can do!

ObW
X

[pellaz]

i am sure there are people who could consider your actions rowdy crazy stupid rebellious (your words). Maybe they would use their own words but they see you as you would not expect. Instead look for someone, just for a moment, having a smile and looking at you.

a relationship generally will not change your life but it will complicate it some. Dont go looking till there is a place in your heart.

[SolemnBoy]

I can relate to some of the things you're troubled by but you need to understand that most people wouldn't think "Oh my god! Who is this guy!? What does he want!? Please go away! Oh my god!" if someone approached them. Admittedly, yes, a similar reaction might occur if you just walked up to some stranger on the street but in terms of co-workers, classmates or random people you meet in places where social interactions are to be expected (bars, clubs, concerts etc.) the majority of people wouldn't really mind. The idea that immediate suspicions arise is probably just a product of your own imagination.

That being said, you simply need to go out more. I know, that's usually horrible advice to introverts but you need to go out with a different mindset. You mentioned that you do have friends (by the way, all my current friends were the ones to approach me as well) and since they made an effort to befriend you it's obvious that you possess qualities people find appealing. Try to focus on that rather than the fear of being labeled a freak. Now, when I say going out more I'm not necessarily referring to things like bars and clubs; they don't really seem like places you'd enjoy, or am I mistaken? Going out could refer to more or less anything in this case: you could travel, go to restaurants with friends, visit exhibitions, go to concerts or more or less anything that catches your interest. Concerts in particular are amazing places to make friends since, let's face it, one of the most appealing traits a potential friend could possibly possess is a musical taste similar to your own. Good luck and please have a look at my signature for further encouragement. You may not believe ME, but how could an adowwable little penguin possibly lie? c:

[justbry87]

I can sort of relate..

Back in like Middle School, I used to be like you. I didn't talk unless
spoken to, and I was that kid who just sat there while everyone was
going crazy in the classroom.

Then around 8th Grade and Freshmen year I came out, so the
small group of friends I did have in the various cliques dwindled to like
two people, maybe three, lol. I had to look for friends outside of my
school, people that get me. And I am glad I found them cause I won't
be the person I am today if I haven't met those people.

There is always an outlet to meet people and to express yourself
in your interests if you look closely enough, there is always a group of
people who will have similar interests as you.

You said you're a Gamer and a Youtuber, there's a big community for
both and they always have meet-up's and conventions. And I'm sure
you'll end up making friends in those communities as long as you
take a step out of you comfort zone.

Being rejected in both friendship and romance is a part of life, it's
scary and sometimes very disappointing, but it's those experiences
where we learn from and in the end you come out a better person for it.

I know a lot of my friends considered themselves as that 'shy, awkward person',
and for a long time I considered myself as that, but if you're with other 'shy, awkward'
- people then it won't be 'shy, and awkward' anymore, right? lol I hope that made
sense...

good luck! I'm sure you'll find your peoples!

[pellaz]

rejection, you will get over it in a couple of days
regret, hangs on a long time

[TonyAndonuts]

It is true that I wouldn't like meeting people at a club or bar or wild party. I'd end up being that one guy standing in the corner holding his non-alcoholic drink all awkwardly while everyone else dances.
Video games are very important to me though. I'm really passionate when it comes to gaming and although I have trouble talking to people and keeping a conversation going, gaming is a topic I can go on and on about. Not all my friends are reclusive and socially awkward like me, but we do all have one thing in common, we all like video games and/or anime to some extent. The thing is, it's kind of hard to find a girl gamer, at least where I live. And on the fairly rare occasions where I do see a girl that's into video games, she's either already taken or a lesbian....seriously. Although I haven't really looked too well, I don't think there are too many gaming groups or gatherings where I live aside from the occasional anime convention which usually also involves gaming. My friends that do have girlfriends or have lost their virginities are the more extroverted kind of people who do go to parties and clubs. The ones that don't are pretty much in the same situation as me. So they're no help...

[mbennet35]

It is true that I wouldn't like meeting people at a club or bar or wild party. I'd end up being that one guy standing in the corner holding his non-alcoholic drink all awkwardly while everyone else dances.
Video games are very important to me though. I'm really passionate when it comes to gaming and although I have trouble talking to people and keeping a conversation going, gaming is a topic I can go on and on about. Not all my friends are reclusive and socially awkward like me, but we do all have one thing in common, we all like video games and/or anime to some extent. The thing is, it's kind of hard to find a girl gamer, at least where I live. And on the fairly rare occasions where I do see a girl that's into video games, she's either already taken or a lesbian....seriously. Although I haven't really looked too well, I don't think there are too many gaming groups or gatherings where I live aside from the occasional anime convention which usually also involves gaming. My friends that do have girlfriends or have lost their virginities are the more extroverted kind of people who do go to parties and clubs. The ones that don't are pretty much in the same situation as me. So they're no help...

I can relate to you a lot.

[TimeSage]

Go to anime and gameing cons. They're a great place to make friends. Also, yaoi panels.

[TonyAndonuts]

I just wish anime and gaming conventions happened more often and weren't so far away. There really isn't a local hang out spot for geeks like me to go to every week or something. Plus I hear girls get hit on like crazy at cons. If I walk up to a girl, I've got a bad feeling they'll be on there guard. Or maybe that's just me worrying again.