advice - should I tell him?

[quark42]

Hi,

I need some advice. I've been in a monogamous relationship with a man that I love very much for over a year now. There's something that I did that I regret, and I feel like if he finds out it could end the relationship. While I have never touched anyone while we've been together, I went to a gay bathhouse -once- to work out once during the first month of our relationship. Let me be clear - that's ALL I did - use the facilities gym equipment, which many people do. But the reason I went to a gay gym is because I have a thing for checking people out in the shower, and you can do that with impunity at a bathhouse.

I have one friend that knows I did this, and he is a mutual friend of my boyfriends, although has been friends with me for longer. I am terrified that he will tell him, and that my boyfriend wont believe that I only went there to work out, and did not touch anyone... should I just tell my boyfriend that I went once when our relationship first began, and that I'd rather be honest with him, or just not tell him at all?

Bottom line is I'd NEVER cheat on him or touch anyone else... this was just a one time stupid decision to go to a place that I should have never been while in a relationship. I learned my lesson and did not go back.

Any advice would help.

Thanks

[Matty71]

It sounds pretty innocent.

I am not sure if you should tell him. You really did nothing wrong at the bathhouse and you said you would not do it again. That's important for you to decide.

Lesson learned.

[MisterTinkles]

Well, apparently you felt you did something to feel guilty about, otherwise you would have totally forgotten about that.

Does your friend just know that you went there, or does he know you went there to "look"?

If he knows you just went there to work out, then I say shut the hell up and forget about it.
If it ever comes up, you can play possum....."Oh, THAT.....I forgot about that. Yeah, was bored and just wanted to try out a new gym".

If your friend knows you went there to "look", then you may have a slight problem. Of course, if this friend is any kind of real friend, then he wont say anything. In fact, if he wanted to get you in trouble, Im sure he would have blackmailed you or used it against you by now. In that case, he's no friend.

Regardless, since you are having such a guilt trip over this, I wouldnt go back there again, unless it was with mutual consent from your BF or that you go together. Otherwise, forget it and play stupid.

[southbiochem]

Ehhhh. I don't see how it would be a problem....what's the difference between what you did and watching porn?

You never cheated on him...and it's not like you went there to cheat on him...

First and maybe you should talk to your friend, although if he's been a long time friend who knows you well enough and knew you had no intention of cheating or stuff like that, then why would he talk?

If you think he can get upset better leave it as it is, but not out of a guilt streak, cause you actually did nothing, and it's not like your about to repeat it...

[BorneoJake]

haha! Oh quark you such a worry wart! I understand how you feel. In fact it shows you care about him because your worried about how he will feel. Personally I don't think you did anything wrong. You didn't go to the bath house and do anything wrong. If your worried about it, maybe you should just tell your boyfriend about it. Communication is key to a relationship!

[quark42]

Hi - thanks for the replies. Yeah, I guess you're right - I can rest assured that I myself did not do anything wrong when I went. But if he found out I went he wouldn't be able to know for sure whether I did something wrong or not. >.< "Bathhouse" just sounds _SO_ bad, even though a lot of old guys go there just to work out.

The problem is the friend that knows about this and I are sort of drifting apart because he wants me to come out to the bars too much and I cant - so I'm worried he'll gossip. But he probably wont at this point if he hasn't already....

Just hope my boy doesn't get hurt over something so F***** stupid.

Anyways thanks again -_-