09-05-2013, 04:36 PM
Hello, I'm just making this post to voice this little internal struggle I've been going through. I've constantly struggled with accepting who I am and after many first heterosexual relationships in my past I have made progress, though little it may be, and am really kind of hitting a crossroad. I've come out to people several of times but I am not out. I came out to my parents in a very vague way and even though I know my mother would accept it I just feel incredibly uncomfortable bringing it up again which does not make much sense.
But I've never had a relationship and am posting this to ask a question. When I've come to meet guys I am attracted to I am extremely anxious, uneasy, and find it hard to keep a natural conversation. I've had several friends that I've come to have really strong feelings for though they were strait and that was hard enough. My fear is that whenever I come across a possible relationship I will be to intimidated to go beyond anything substantial. I have a few insecurities about my body but that's not really why I feel so intimidated and I was just wondering what is something I could do to get past this. I feel like some part of my mind is trying to push me out of this standstill as this feeling is growing in me that I am going to be alone (in that sense) for the rest of my life. I am 20 now, and though not really old, I just feel like I'm already out of time in a weird way.
But I've never had a relationship and am posting this to ask a question. When I've come to meet guys I am attracted to I am extremely anxious, uneasy, and find it hard to keep a natural conversation. I've had several friends that I've come to have really strong feelings for though they were strait and that was hard enough. My fear is that whenever I come across a possible relationship I will be to intimidated to go beyond anything substantial. I have a few insecurities about my body but that's not really why I feel so intimidated and I was just wondering what is something I could do to get past this. I feel like some part of my mind is trying to push me out of this standstill as this feeling is growing in me that I am going to be alone (in that sense) for the rest of my life. I am 20 now, and though not really old, I just feel like I'm already out of time in a weird way.