I'm trying to get myself out and about more, as searching for love online leads to nothing but dead ends. So I've been going to the bars more recently. Usually I meet up with a friend or two, but no one I knew was around last night as I sauntered between the two main bars in the city. So I was mostly just nursing my drinks whilst looking over the crowd, not saying much of anything. There were some cute guys there, but they were with other people. (One cutie across the bar was with a gaggle of girls, one of whom proceeded to ruffle the guy's hair, which made me smile widely - wish I could have been the one over there doing that instead!)
Usually when I go, guys are either with another guy/a small group or with a group of girls. Most of the guys who are by themselves are older or I'm not interested.
I dunno, I feel like if I saw more guys randomly going up to other people and introducing themselves I'd be more emboldened to do the same, but I don't. I don't wanna look like a creep or something. I'm a decent looking guy, but not enough so to draw attention to myself (or at least, not wanted attention anyways).
Has anyone here learned to overcome being shy at a bar to make potential romantic/lover connections? Advise would be helpful.
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Do you have any other single friends? Gay or otherwise, going in a group might be better? Maybe you could bring some female friends, and let them give you a bit of encouragement? Sometimes all it needs to make the first move is a bunch of drunk girls shouting at you to "just do it already". 
Are you trying gay bars, or just the regular kind? Would probably make a slight difference in approach obviously, but in general - why don't you try maybe buying a guy a drink? You could just tell the bartender, instead of the guy, so as to avoid any shyness, and then if he comes up to thank you, you've got a conversation started?
In general, I'd say going solo is a confidence-killer to all but the most gutsy of us. I would never do it myself, I'd just hide in a corner xD You don't have to be constantly attached to the people you come with... but in general I think just knowing they're there can help immensely.
I used to be pretty shy at bars and clubs, until I started finding a little success in meeting people there. I think, once you meet a nice person for the first time - even if nothing happens - it'll probably help make you more comfortable, just knowing the nice people are there somewhere, and you can talk to them without making a fool of yourself.
Best advice I could give, get a few drinks in you, enjoy yourself, and just see what happens
Edit/P.S: On an unrelated note, I love your Deviantart :p Your stuff's really good :p
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I have the same problem. I just can't pull! And I am ultra timid. I find it hard to just go up to someone and just start talking... I couldn't do it unless I had a lot to drink.
My advice is drink spirits. But don't drink too much, you need to be able to stand and talk coherently so just drink a bit and go for it. Try and catch their eye first and see what happens. I am going to try it if my date on Saturday doesn't work.
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Take what you just described, and multiply it by one million.
Thats how many people there are out there who do the same thing.
So, unless you are willing to walk up to a guy and say hi to him......you might as well just be happy being alone.
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kidchameleon Wrote:Do you have any other single friends? Gay or otherwise, going in a group might be better? Maybe you could bring some female friends, and let them give you a bit of encouragement? Sometimes all it needs to make the first move is a bunch of drunk girls shouting at you to "just do it already".
Are you trying gay bars, or just the regular kind? Would probably make a slight difference in approach obviously, but in general - why don't you try maybe buying a guy a drink? You could just tell the bartender, instead of the guy, so as to avoid any shyness, and then if he comes up to thank you, you've got a conversation started?
In general, I'd say going solo is a confidence-killer to all but the most gutsy of us. I would never do it myself, I'd just hide in a corner xD You don't have to be constantly attached to the people you come with... but in general I think just knowing they're there can help immensely.
I used to be pretty shy at bars and clubs, until I started finding a little success in meeting people there. I think, once you meet a nice person for the first time - even if nothing happens - it'll probably help make you more comfortable, just knowing the nice people are there somewhere, and you can talk to them without making a fool of yourself.
Best advice I could give, get a few drinks in you, enjoy yourself, and just see what happens
Edit/P.S: On an unrelated note, I love your Deviantart :p Your stuff's really good :p
They were gay bars, but for some reason a lot of straight girls were there with their (I'm assuming) gay male friends last night. Usually when I go with other friends I normally just stick to talking to them....last night none of them were available so I went by myself, to help build up my confidence going alone. Maybe next time when I go with them I'll try to approach someone that strikes my fancy.
I'd be cool to talking to guys I'm not necessarily attracted to just to banter and have a conversation, I just don't want them to think I'm into them when I'm not. I've done this before and sometimes they'll touch or flirt when I'm not interested. That's always a fear of mine, moreso just avoid awkward situations.
And thanks for the props on my art! I have a few ideas for new comics I want to do soon, but time is scarce right now (Portland trip then my best friend getting married in NYC )....look for it sometime in early-mid October.
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Next time you plan to go to the club/bars, take some balloons. Hand them out to people, especially ones you think are cute.
You can do the same thing with carnations, candy bars, funny buttons, glow in the dark bracelets, etc....
If you are a good artist, you can take a bouquet of balloons and a black marker and draw funny faces on the balloons for people.
If I want people to talk to me, I do something to stand out in a crowd. Usually its my Tshirts. I wear one of a kind Tshirts. I usually get cute guys coming up and asking if they can take a picture of it, or they want to look at it more closely.
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A way to meet the guy who's brought his girly friends to a gay bar is: Go up to one of the girls and ask her if she would care to dance with you,,, once you've got her on the dance floor - tell her you think the guy they are with is cute. Once the dance is over, ask the girl if you can their group.
That should get you into the group, then it's just a matter of time before you will be dancing with the guy.
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jimcrackcorn Wrote:A way to meet the guy who's brought his girly friends to a gay bar is: Go up to one of the girls and ask her if she would care to dance with you,,, once you've got her on the dance floor - tell her you think the guy they are with is cute. Once the dance is over, ask the girl if you can their group.
That should get you into the group, then it's just a matter of time before you will be dancing with the guy.
Good idea! And, I love dancing with guys! 
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Bring your mother with you.
Seriously.
I was friends with this one guy who brought his mother along to the clubs one night (I approved)....she was in the middle of a divorce and the hubby kicked her out of the house.
Anyway, we went to the club that night and even though she was dressed all "motherly", ALL the guys wanted to dance with her and talk to my friend because he had such a "AWESOME mother" to come to the club with him.
She had a blast, and so did he.
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MisterTinkles Wrote:Bring your mother with you.
Seriously.
I was friends with this one guy who brought his mother along to the clubs one night (I approved)....she was in the middle of a divorce and the hubby kicked her out of the house.
Anyway, we went to the club that night and even though she was dressed all "motherly", ALL the guys wanted to dance with her and talk to my friend because he had such a "AWESOME mother" to come to the club with him.
She had a blast, and so did he.
LOL, I can't get my mother to go to brunch with me, never mind a noisy gay bar/club. It's a cute idea, but that's not happening, ever! (As amusing an image as that is in my head!)
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