Need some advice desperately!! I'm 21 and not sure what to do...

[Bradley1234]

Okay so this is going to take a while to get to my problem but I will start with an introduction.

I am currently 21 years old. 3 years ago I got a message on an online gay dating site from somebody offering me $1500 to go and be involved in a threesome with an older gentleman. Usually I would just ignore these messages, but the $1500 got my attention. I took a huge risk and went through with it. I met the other guy, who was 27 and we went there I got head and I got $1500. It was all over and it was so easy. I then made direct contact with the older gentleman and ever since have been seeing him once a week to get $1200 for him giving me head and me sitting around and having a chat to him for about half an hour. By older this guy is about 60. He gives me a cialis pill to get hard, and I never sexually enjoy it, I have to wank myself off to cum. Mentally it is quite hard, but the cash benefits have overweighted the trauma that it causes. I have formed a "relationship" with him where I text him most days to see how he is, and text saying goodnight. From me there is nothing there apart from a very good paying job. My feelings stop there and it is for financial gain and nothing else.

About 18 months ago I started seeing a guy seriously. I really really like him, we get on very well, we are very compatible all round. I obviously didn't mention this to him at the time as it would have been a deal breaker. I have just continued seeing the older gentleman once a week for about an hour to an hour and a half and getting my money. I made sure I got sexual health checks done and he is clean and never given me anything. It's hard to catch something just getting your dick sucked anyway.

About 12-13 months ago my partner who I like found out about me seeing the older gent. It wasnt from me, he found it in my phone. We obviously had a big argument and a lot of discussions took place. He could see the benefit of me seeing him, but obviously hated me seeing him and the fact that I had been lying to him. At this point he also found out that about one month into our relationship I had seen another guy on two occasions and hooked up with him in my car. I was 19 at the time. He told me that I could continue seeing him and we would stay together because we loved eachother so much.

This whole situation has obviously caused a lot of problems in our relationship. Nobody likes to be dating a male "prostitute". The difference between me and most hookers is that I see one person, not plenty. And that one person gives me a lot of money so it is far more attractive then most prostitutes. With the cash I have bought a house, with a loan, bought a car, and started a business. I am not wasting the money. I live a good life, but also make healthy decisions. We have had multiple fights over it all but we both still like eachother. Since he found out about it, I have been completely honest with him about everything. I share my life with him, we speak on the phone once a day and I spend every weekend and usually a night or two a week with him. I don't hide my phone from him, he has full access to it, and I genuinely share everything with him.

About 9 months ago I found out that he was on dating sites chatting to other guys. We had a fight and he promised that he wouldn't go on them anymore.

About 7 months ago I found out that he went over to a guys
House that he met online, supposedly didn't do anything
Sexual with him, and then got dropped to work the next day.
He lied to me about this for months, but I knew something had happened so I kept questioning him for months and he eventually
Told me he had stayed at a guys house.

About 5 months ago I found him talking to other guys again. We had another big fight, and he promised me again that he wouldn't and that he loved me.

About 3 months ago I found he was chatting on webcam
And wanking off with other guys and I had a big problem with that and we had an argument and he said he wouldn't do it again.

2 months ago I found out he was on manhunt talking to people. Se
Thing again.

About one month ago I found out he had been talking to about her guy just as much as he was talking to me. 20 messages a day,
Pictures of his dick and vice versa. He had the guy saved under his best friends name (female) and I obviously never thought anything of him messaging her (turns out it was actually him). I found out this had been going on for over a year and he had quite a relationship with this other guy. He had never met him, it was all online and phone. They spoke on the phone etc. we obviously had a massive fight over that and I sat down with him
Again and talked about it. The biggest problem to me is that he was lying to me about it. I asked him and he lied, asked him again and he lied. Takes about 20 times, and him realizing I know everything before he comes clean. The prostitution thing always comes up of course and I offered to stop doing the prostitution if he stopped lying to me and talking to other guys. He promised me that he wouldn't talk to anybody else, and I told him
If I did I would end our relationship.

The biggest problem here of course being that I lied massively to him 14 months ago and got caught out, so I have trouble demanding he be honest with me. In the time since then I have been completely honest with him though and he knows that, yet he keeps breaking my trust over and over again. Anyway he promised he wouldn't talk to anybody else, and he knew that If he did our relationship would be over, as I couldn't be with somebody who lied to me and I couldn't trust.

This week I decided to check his phone bill and I found that since we had that conversation a month ago he has still sent hundreds of texts to this other guy, pictures, the works. I confronted him over it and he promised me that he hadnt been texting him, even though I had evidence he had been. After a while he admitted he had texted him once a few weeks ago. Obviously another lie. He now knows that I know he has been texting him regularly, and my problem is that if he is texting this one guy and lying to me about it, how many others could there be. I don't want to be with somebody that I can't trust. I broke his trust in the first place 6 months into our relationship and I am basically a prostitute so I feel like I am setting double standards, but all I want in our relationship is for him to always tell me the truth. I broke up with him because of it, and because it has happened so many times over and over.

I still love him a lot, and I'm really upset. I know that he still likes me too, and I don't know if he talks to other guys just for the conversation, and because he is horny, or whether it is more than that. I don't want to break up with him.

Am I expecting too much considering my position?

What should I do? Should I start dating him and give him another chance to be honest with me? Should I stop seeing the older gent and stop getting $1200 Cash a week that I'm basically living off while I start my business up?
I just need some general advice, I'm really lost, I'm really upset because I don't know what to do. I love him a lot, and I really wanted to spend my life with him. I just can't be with someone who lies and has broken my trust so many times, and I want him to change. I don't know if I'm
Allowed to expect that being in my position though.

Please help!!!..... :/

[LateBloomer]

Jesus Christ.

First the good news: You're young and can start all over again if you really want to.

And I guess the other good news is that there seems to be no drug or alcohol issues in these relationships.

So...

Stop seeing the old man for money.

Do whatever it takes to find a "real" job.

Be single for awhile until you develop a new set of "values" (although I can respect home ownership and wanting to start your own business--let's be honest--these are NOT "normal" values for a "normal" 20 yr old--and neither is making $1200/week tax free).

Hard fact of life: A home, good money, opportunities and healthy relationships come from putting in many long hours and learning lots of different lessons. It's called Life.

You are still (believe it or not) "developing". That's why this behavior is so confusing.

$1200/week for 1.5 hours of "work" is not a normal economy. That is a fantasy that is, quite frankly, screwing up your whole sense of value and worth.

Anyway, I'm off on a rant now.

Just end these dysfunctional relationships because they will go nowhere healthy for you.

Wipe the slate clean.

Start over.

Live like a "normal" 20 year old, but keep your "dreams" alive (home/business/etc).

Sell the house if you have to. Move to another town. REINVENT YOURSELF.

I wish you the absolute best.

[Undreamt]

I think the important thing is honesty, and set realistic boundaries.

Clearly you don't have a problem with fooling around with multiple people, don't you think its unrealistic that you expect him to only fool around with you.

I think if you do want to save the relationship, you need to think about a few things;
Do you honestly think that you would stop seeing the older guy if your bf wanted you to?
Do you have a problem with your bf fooling around with other people?
If its ok how much detail do you want to know?
What sort of things should be just between you and is ok with other guys?
Are 3somes, group things ok?

It seems to be that the biggest problem is the honesty, every time when it comes up it starts a fight, maybe you need to bring it up in a more positive light.

[Geminize]

Welcome, Bradley!

Wow, that has to be the most unique intro I have read here. Congrats on that. My advice is worth every penny you pay for it, so keep that in mind.

If I were you, I would be grateful for the $60 grand/year you've had for being sucked off once a week and put an end to that. Yes, it has allowed you to buy a house and start a business, but it is messing up your romantic life. Sooner or later it has to end, so be proactive and get your life together.

Your indiscretion happened early in your relationship with your bf and you have been honest since. He knows how you make your income and he can take it or leave it. His indiscretions have been multiple, with a pattern of denial and dishonesty. Can you continue in a relationship with that?

I think you need to start over -- either with your current bf or the possibility of a new one. Leave your secure income. It's been good on some levels, but it's getting in your way now. Be glad that it got you where you are without injury or infection.

Oh, and if you do leave your "older gentleman", don't do it without posting a job opening here. I suspect you could find your replacement right here in the forums!

[MisterTinkles]

I only needed to read the first paragraph.

Shit, if my boyfriend turned prostitute, I'd have physically thrown him through the fucking window!!
And then burned all his shit in the street!!!

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Your trapped in the money cycle, and the only way to break it is to stop seeing this older guy.

If you don't, or can't, then its time to walk away from your relationship.

I actually have some sympathy for you. It sounds like you were seduced by this much older guy (when you were 18) and you don't know how to get out of it. Its basically undermined the last 3 years of your life.

Your partners reaction is completely understandable, and to a degree expected. Your sleeping around and getting paid for it. Whats good for the goose and all that......

Being a trick for some older guy is not a longterm job. You need to get back into the real world. Fast.

ObW
X

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Your 'bad' here is not the 'job' but that you hid it from him. He learned it from another individual/way which was a betrayal of the trust he had in you.

His bad is that he continually sneaks behind your back to get sex. He cheats, over and over and over again and apparently feels justified because you are earning a paycheck with your dick.


Even if you were to stop seeing your "john" and stop 'working' the cheating of the BF will not end - he is hardwired for having sex with lots of other guys - he is going to continue doing it and most likely would have done it no matter.


The lying will not stop. If this was vengeance fucks then there is no need to lie, in fact telling the truth would make his dalliances clearly ones of vengeance. This is his being a cheater and using your 'job' as an excuse.

I fear you will need to dump him. He will not change, and since this has been going on so much and so often I assure you your relationship is royally screwed on a permanent basis.


Next relationship, if you are still seeing your "john", you need to put that out there immediately and with full honesty on the subject. Further, you need your potential mates permission to continue doing this.

I personally wouldn't mind too terribly much the intellectual idea of my mate being a paid hooker - I would mind emotionally and I honestly do not know if my intellectual side is able to keep the emotional side to allow me to keep from having serious emotional 'baggage'.

I suspect that most people who say they are ok with it are only ok with it intellectually. If they have never been in such a circumstance as dating a sex worker, they honestly can't know how they will fully feel about it until they do it.

So this is a serious 'risk' to being a sex-worker and finding a relationship what works while allowing you to be a sex-worker.

[Waylon777]

Welcome to GS! Your relationship is really complicated! wow. In my opinion, there are 2 ways that you can do for at least the money for your business part. Either keep seeing this "older guy" until you can successfully start up your business, or cut ties from this "older guy" and find another job that doesn't involve prostitution or that you can be honest about. I think even if you keep seeing this "older guy" until you start your business up, hiding your past may be very difficult. You are gonna have to tell lies to your employees (if you are going to have one) and keeping the lie of where and how your business started may be hard.

About your boy friend, you could stop seeing the "older guy" and see if your boyfriend still tries to see other guys. If he keeps breaking your trust even after you've been completely honest and stopped seeing the guy, then I think you should break up, it's painful to keep up with lies. On the other hand, maybe your boyfriend is more into open relationship. You could open your relationship up and see where it leads. Both of you seem to like each other, but there are so many lies going across. In my opinion overall, I would stop seeing the "older guy" and also maybe break up with your boyfriend because if this many lies and trusts have been broken, it just seems too painful to go through for another minute of it. Hopefully, this help. (Don't take it too serious since I'm not a certified relationship counselor or anything like that.)

[Patrocles]

In your case, I would keep seeing the older guy until my business works. And I'd not not expect too much from my friend. Most relations between men are "open", anyway, either honestly or in the secret. Become a realist about that.

You have a lot of time for romantic love (and attempts of monogamy) when you are older, when sexual drive is lower and when you are secure financially.

[posterpicture]

Lol, can you refer the older gent to me when you stop seeing him.

I can use that $1200 for some good causes ( like a new pair of shoes).