Tips for a shy guy going to college in another state

[nfisher1226]

Finding a job in Ohio will be difficult. It's still legal to be fired for being gay. I'm definitely getting out of here eventually.

Don't be so down on a place. I left, came back, left again, and eventually found my way back. I've been all over this country and to a few others besides. My discoveries included the fact that the grass is not really greener, and there's something to be said for having childhood friends and family close at hand. As you get older those things can mean a bit more than they do in your 20's.

You need to be comfortable being yourself, wherever you end up. And understand that some of the most confident looking people in the world aren't really all that confident, they've just stopped caring whether you like them or not so they're free to be themselves without fear of rejection. If you can be that self contained, it's entirely possible that you will find social situations a lot easier to manage. Just don't sweat it. Be you, talk about what interests you, and by doing so you will eventually find like minded people.

Bars, they suck. There's a pretty good consensus on that among guys I think. The music is too loud for conversation, you spend a lot of money, and everybody seems to leave disappointed. Straight people have the same bad luck with bars. They're bars, right? Which means they're in the business of selling alcohol, not creating couples. Everything in a bar is designed to try and keep you drinking.

Luckily there's a lot more to social life than bars. You have to get creative sometimes to find other things to do and places to go to meet people, but when you do then the people you meet have also had to try a little harder, which means they're probably smarter and more genuine anyway.

[Woollyhats]

So I'm an extremely shy, gay guy


So, once I make my college visits, when I make my choice, how should I go about meeting new people? I'm always bad with meeting people living here in Ohio. I think mostly because whenever someone introduces me to someone, I'm always introduced as the "extremely quiet guy" and I think something in my mind makes me out to be that way even though I want to talk to people.


Anyone have any ideas?

What I've done is just be friendly and polite to people who are clearly friendly, and try to be valuable in group assignments. I notice that I'm never without a partner for group work, and more recently a few people have more or less adopted me as a friend, as I was friendly back to them. I am very quiet (I'm not shy, just very quiet), and while not in school out of state, I don't know anyone in my program.

It might help that I have everything together and am high achieving --- I look like I am on top of my courses, and I very much am... But in reality it's so much work... I barely have time for friends.... My goal is actually a 4.0 GPA rather than friends, but I'm a Hermione Granger like that.

[Slidezone303]

Try to find groups who have similar interests as yours. Attend meetings and be yourself. Find the gay and lesbian center. They often have mixers. I tend to the quiet side, but I don't let that deter me from going to meet-ups with similar interests as mine. I attend and try to stay in the moment. Sooner or later I find myself drawn into a conversation or someone may approach me. I try to stay on top of the situation so I can pick up the "ball" when it is tossed my way. It requires being your quiet self without being "withdrawn". I have one group whose monthly meet-ups are comprised mostly of persons forty years old and younger. (an e-cigarette meet-up group) and I am 65. Yet despite the disparity in age I can always find a way to feel at home in the group. Just be yourself and remain attentive.