Tips for a shy guy going to college in another state

[Dillon1986]

So I'm an extremely shy, gay guy

I either want to go to school for an MBA, IT or Art. I like art the most out of those three, but I have no artistic experience, but I hear most schools start with the basics. I love art and would love to make it into a career whether it be drawing, painting or sculpting.

So, once I make my college visits, when I make my choice, how should I go about meeting new people? I'm always bad with meeting people living here in Ohio. I think mostly because whenever someone introduces me to someone, I'm always introduced as the "extremely quiet guy" and I think something in my mind makes me out to be that way even though I want to talk to people.

This is why I want to try college in another state, but the second problem is this: I have no job skills whatsoever. Since I was 18, I've had 5 jobs. The longest job I was at, lasted 1 1/2 years. I have no money obviously, and no financial support would come from my family. My mom's going through bankruptcy for the third time and my dad is supporting 3 grown kids and his wife. My credit score is low at 520 (I made some mistakes when I was 18 and overcharged 4 credit cards and 3 bank accounts that are still in collections).

Anyone have any ideas?

[nfisher1226]

No great secrets. Get over your hesitation and just talk with people.

Nice to hear from someone else in Ohio! But with my lifelong love hate relationship with my home state I'd have to say finding a job isn't going to be the easiest thing. Out of state may actually help there, depending on where you go. If you stay close to home you may well find work, but it's probably not going to pay well or help you out with your future much.

[missourigaymer]

Well Dill, I don't know what to tell you about your monetary deficiencies. However, I might be able to help you with the shyness. I too am really shy, I once was soo shy no one could even talk to me. To break the cycle, first stop worrying. You worry what others will think of you, how you act or speak, and don't take the chance. Be yourself. Also, you say you want to socialize? That's the first step! Now, find someone you want to talk to, don't run away or hide by the punch bowl or exit. Clear your throat and simply say hi. Maybe ask how are you. I won't lie, not all chatter is going to be nice, but you have to take the risk if you want to be social. Just find your confidence, and talk. It's scary, and nerve racking at times, but if you can manage simple chatter in a social setting, it can also help in other situations where confidence is key. Your gonna do well Dill, best of luck!

[princealbertofb]

Are you going to go to college and try to have a job on the side at the same time?

[Memby]

Get over your hesitation and just talk with people.

This may seem trite but it's the truth. Just talk. Practice makes perfect.

To break the cycle, first stop worrying. You worry what others will think of you, how you act or speak, and don't take the chance. Be yourself. Also, you say you want to socialize? That's the first step! Now, find someone you want to talk to, don't run away or hide by the punch bowl or exit. Clear your throat and simply say hi. Maybe ask how are you. I won't lie, not all chatter is going to be nice, but you have to take the risk if you want to be social. Just find your confidence, and talk. It's scary, and nerve racking at times, but if you can manage simple chatter in a social setting, it can also help in other situations where confidence is key.

Just fake it until you make it!

[princealbertofb]

I would say before you meet other gay guys, you'll need to socialise and just make friends, if at all possible. Being quiet is not necessarily a bad thing, lots of people just talk too too much to say nothing. It's refreshing to have someone who knows how to keep quiet. If you are quiet, I'm guessing you are observant at least (you must have time to watch how people act, react and behave, and listen to what they say). If you're a listener, you'll always find someone who's ready to bore your ears off with their story. Do you go to bars? What sort of settings do you go to where you might meet people, students unions, bars, discos (not the best for initiating chats), other social gatherings like museums, art exhibitions, the cinema? You can always join a group that does something together like a choir, or a dance class, or martial arts, or sport of some kind, or music... or you can try to see if there's a gay alliance type of group or an LGBT organisation near your college. I don't think it'll matter that you are shy. People will get together to discuss things as a group and your turn will come, no doubt, because there'll be someone to lead the discussions. Don't be afraid to give your opinion, or tell your story. Then someone's bound to find you sufficiently interesting or with a similar experience or story to theirs and then something can spark out of that. What are your hobbies and tastes, other than art?

[princealbertofb]

This may seem trite but it's the truth. Just talk. Practice makes perfect.





Just fake it until you make it!

Good one, Memby... :tongue:

[Dillon1986]

First of all, thank you all for the kind responses. I'm gonna try and put myself out there more.

I don't really do the bar scene but I guess I can force myself to go. I really don't drink though so don't know how that will be. Also the only gay bars in Cleveland are either too much in very bad neighborhoods, or too loud (My hearing isn't the greatest.)

Finding a job in Ohio will be difficult. It's still legal to be fired for being gay. I'm definitely getting out of here eventually.

I'm not sure if I have groups in my neighborhood, nor how to find them. Other than art, I do like sports, but I don't partake. I'm trying to quit smoking cigarettes and would like to get into fitness. I like reading books, but only from certain authors. I'm drawing a blank of my other interests. I'm about to go eat and I'll think about it while I do

[Dillon1986]

Coffee's a big part of my life, I go crazy without it I guess I can check out some coffee shops. I do have an LGBT center in downtown Cleveland, but from what I hear it's members consist of ages 35+ and I'd like to get to know more around my age.

I dunno. I guess I'll do some research on the schools I want to attend and see about gay life around campus.

Again, thanks for all the responses. Any other advice will be welcome

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Learn to accept yourself for who and what you are and stop trying to be something you are not.

If this shyness is a symptom of introversion then be an introvert.

AA rooms and NA rooms are full of introverts and 'shy people' who turned to alcohol and/or drugs to get over this 'problem' in order to 'fit in' and be an extrovert.... Needless to say I found these people in AA and NA - meaning they ended up with a lot of bigger problems than being an introvert.

As for college, great ambition - however it would appear you need a job first.

The good thing is that department stores and big box stores are preparing for the holiday season - this means a lot of temp jobs will be available, starting oh, now....

If you can get one of those and do the job right and impress the bosses (which apparently dressing better than in shredded jeans and saying 'wazzup to everyone pretty much makes you better than the average applicant) then you can use that as a foundation to get another job.

Companies are more willing to hire those who are currently employed than those who are unemployed. Yeah I know, stupid logic - but that is what it takes.

So getting that temp job will open doors of opportunity.

I don't know what the student loan thing is like - the federal loan program - you might want to think about it....

A lot of the schools now help students with getting the cash for the tuition - Grants and loans are out there, if you are eligible or not I don't know.