Asexual or Homosexual?...I'm confused!

[quasimodoalone]

I'm a 40 year old guy who came out as gay ten years ago. In that ten year period, I've only had one 'serious' relationship (lasted 9 months). Since we split, me b/f has moved on & found a new b/f. But sadly, I can't!. In fact, I now find it difficult to look at other guys or even be touched by them.

I've spoken to various people about this, & had differing replies. Some have said it's a sign of Asexuality, but others have said I'm shy or barriers up!!. Well, I'm certainly NOT shy!!!!.

SEX DOESN'T THRILL ME AT ALL!!!!!!

[dfiant1]

Labels are for tin cans.

Some people love sex, others are indifferent to sex...you get that.

[Zach]

Labels are for tin cans.

Some people love sex, others are indifferent to sex...you get that.

I totally agree.

Funny you should mention tin cans: Andy Warhol (his soup cans paintings made him famous for more than 15 minutes) was an out and proud asexual.

I totally love awesome sex. But I also cherish my recluse moments. :biggrin:

[LONDONER]

I'm a 40 year old guy who came out as gay ten years ago. In that ten year period, I've only had one 'serious' relationship (lasted 9 months). Since we split, me b/f has moved on & found a new b/f. But sadly, I can't!. In fact, I now find it difficult to look at other guys or even be touched by them.

I've spoken to various people about this, & had differing replies. Some have said it's a sign of Asexuality, but others have said I'm shy or barriers up!!. Well, I'm certainly NOT shy!!!!.

SEX DOESN'T THRILL ME AT ALL!!!!!!

While I agree with the others who have posted replies, I also understand you. The problem is that most gay guys on gay sites are looking for sex and it's extremely difficult to find someone who is just looking for friendship. Sex no longer turns me on either but in my case that might well just be an age thing

[Bowyn Aerrow]

There may be an underlying medical condition at play here.

Depression is known to be a mood killer - and depression does not always mean that one is sad all the time.

Low Testosterone levels can lead to a lack of interest in sex...

Stress, Diabetes... Well there is probably a long list there somewhere.

Then there is a little known sexual dysfunction called sexual anorexia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_anorexia

From what you have written, I lean toward that as being the underlying cause.

SEX DOESN'T THRILL ME AT ALL!!!!!!

Sex doesn't thrill you, but are you able to do the mechanics (get hard, reach climax, ejaculate)? If so then this most likely is not an organic/biological issue - it is most likely mental/emotional.

I now find it difficult to look at other guys or even be touched by them

You came out pretty late in life, then you tried a (one) relationship where clearly that individual decided to rip your heart out, throw it to the ground and jump up and down on it. I suspect that 'bad experience' drove you down the road of sexual anorexia. The sentence above is revealing on how you are approaching intimacy/relationships (not just sex).

Go to a few sites that discuss Sexual Anorexia and get a more complete list of symptoms and read a few 'stories' of others and see if this fits more with you.

https://www.google.com/#psj=1&q=sexual+anorexia is a good start.


Either way, this is undoubtedly a subject you should bring up with your doctor. At least get tested for the medical/biological potential issues that could exist here. Diabetes and Low T are serious enough on their own.

[Vigilias]

Maybe you just haven't got over your ex yet and don't want to imagine being with anyone but him.

Perhaps try a counsellor if you feel the root of the problem is deeper and would benefit fromtalking to someone who wont judge.

The links below might help.

Good luck.


http://www.bacp.co.uk/

http://www.itsgoodtotalk.org.uk/therapists/

http://www.psychotherapy.org.uk/

[dfiant1]

I totally agree.

Funny you should mention tin cans: Andy Warhol (his soup cans paintings made him famous for more than 15 minutes) was an out and proud asexual.

I totally love awesome sex. But I also cherish my recluse moments. :biggrin:

exactly

Love Andy Warhol.

[Waylon777]

Maybe you are just having hard time finding someone that connects with you. I have that problem and one of my friend does as well. He is very out of his age and likes things that a lot of people don't even know. however, it's good not to give up to find the people that you can connect with. Sure, it's nice to see different perspectives, but some personalities just don't match.. Anyways, keep on looking, you may meet someone that you can really connect with!

I'm a 40 year old guy who came out as gay ten years ago. In that ten year period, I've only had one 'serious' relationship (lasted 9 months). Since we split, me b/f has moved on & found a new b/f. But sadly, I can't!. In fact, I now find it difficult to look at other guys or even be touched by them.

I've spoken to various people about this, & had differing replies. Some have said it's a sign of Asexuality, but others have said I'm shy or barriers up!!. Well, I'm certainly NOT shy!!!!.

SEX DOESN'T THRILL ME AT ALL!!!!!!