11-02-2013, 12:28 AM
So i already touched on this in my introduction but i really just want to get this all off my chest and get some insight from others who may have gone through similar situations. I've got that Burning sensation in my gut and i would love for it to vanish.
I was in a relationship with a guy 2 years younger than me...he was my first (everything).
I loved him or maybe i just thought i did idk. But he wanted more from me than i was capable of bringing to the table. He wanted me to Live with him, he talked about marriage and children as if it was Tea time gossip. I'm 22 years old and living with someone is not feasible financially and i don't think he really understands that.
We had our issues...mostly his inability to communicate our issues effectively, but i stuck with it thinking that at some point something would change...just maybe. Despite the relationship training we all receive that people only change when they want to and you can't come into a relationship hoping for someone to change...i disregarded that and had a case of love struck naivety.
between me not having a car for the last 8 months and his desire to redecorate his condo every few months we were both unhappy with how the relationship was unfolding. He had clearly taken on too much between 2 jobs, a condo, and a huge car payment he could barely pay for. Add him driving me around and you have a recipe for disaster. I was saving for transportation but i was dead set on saving a good 3500 before settling for anything. And i felt that he was investing too much of his time and attention in his material posessions. In the time that i was saving for my 1 car he went through 2.
I knew everything was truly falling apart when he told me he needed a week away from me. I gave it to him knowing the most likely outcome. 7 days had passed and i had still not heard from him so i decided to text him asking what was going through his head and how he was feeling after taking his space. I got the usual "I don't knows" and "i'm not sures" and i became quite upset and i basically demanded an answer because i was sick of him just saying i don't know all the time. We decided to formally discuss our issues...or so i had thought.
He picked me up from my house and we went to his. I told him i wanted him to go first, we had both written down our problems and the things that we loved about eachother. But i knew what he wanted to say...and he said it. I gathered my things and he had to drive me home. Talk about pathetic and awkward. He wanted to jump directly into a platonic relationship but i don't know how you can just be friends with someone you still have feelings for and not be a mess all the time.
A month and a half has passed. a few days before halloween he messaged me asking me if i had any plans for halloween. we had a discussion about all of that and at the end i asked him. "are you inviting me out with you and your friends or are you just inquiring as to whether i had plans" to which he replied "Idk you should come, it's GiGi's find a costume" Now maybe i should have read that opener of indecision as "i don't really think you should come" but hell i thought i'd make a stride at opening up that window of friendship...and some part of me probably just wanted to see him.
I made a complete ass of myself by locking my keys in my car...crying in front of him and his friends because i felt so stupid. But not only that....he failed to add the detail that he was already seeing someone. I asked if i could borrow 50 bucks for triple A service (glad he didn't give it to me) and a ride home. Which i was super appreciative of but omfg again how awkward and pathetic.
This morning though is what takes the cake. In my state of emotional turmoil i sent a text to what i thought was my friend but no...it was to him...and in it i called him scummy, accused him of rubbing his new boyfriend in my face, and called his new boyfriend gross.
I guess at least he knows how if feel now.
But my big question is how in the hell do i begin to cope from this mess i've created for myself. I know over time it will just get better and better but right now my whole body feels stressed out and i haven't felt this tired in...ever. I'm trying to keep myself busy between work and friends but bedtime is the worst. I just replay the entire scenario from day one to now. I really wanted to avoid a negative outcome in this and i think going out last night was a huge mistake. But where do i go from here?
Thank you if you read this. Any and all advice good or bad mean or kind is appreciated.
i might write a book "36 Ways to Make an Ass of Yourself in One Evening"
I was in a relationship with a guy 2 years younger than me...he was my first (everything).
I loved him or maybe i just thought i did idk. But he wanted more from me than i was capable of bringing to the table. He wanted me to Live with him, he talked about marriage and children as if it was Tea time gossip. I'm 22 years old and living with someone is not feasible financially and i don't think he really understands that.
We had our issues...mostly his inability to communicate our issues effectively, but i stuck with it thinking that at some point something would change...just maybe. Despite the relationship training we all receive that people only change when they want to and you can't come into a relationship hoping for someone to change...i disregarded that and had a case of love struck naivety.
between me not having a car for the last 8 months and his desire to redecorate his condo every few months we were both unhappy with how the relationship was unfolding. He had clearly taken on too much between 2 jobs, a condo, and a huge car payment he could barely pay for. Add him driving me around and you have a recipe for disaster. I was saving for transportation but i was dead set on saving a good 3500 before settling for anything. And i felt that he was investing too much of his time and attention in his material posessions. In the time that i was saving for my 1 car he went through 2.
I knew everything was truly falling apart when he told me he needed a week away from me. I gave it to him knowing the most likely outcome. 7 days had passed and i had still not heard from him so i decided to text him asking what was going through his head and how he was feeling after taking his space. I got the usual "I don't knows" and "i'm not sures" and i became quite upset and i basically demanded an answer because i was sick of him just saying i don't know all the time. We decided to formally discuss our issues...or so i had thought.
He picked me up from my house and we went to his. I told him i wanted him to go first, we had both written down our problems and the things that we loved about eachother. But i knew what he wanted to say...and he said it. I gathered my things and he had to drive me home. Talk about pathetic and awkward. He wanted to jump directly into a platonic relationship but i don't know how you can just be friends with someone you still have feelings for and not be a mess all the time.
A month and a half has passed. a few days before halloween he messaged me asking me if i had any plans for halloween. we had a discussion about all of that and at the end i asked him. "are you inviting me out with you and your friends or are you just inquiring as to whether i had plans" to which he replied "Idk you should come, it's GiGi's find a costume" Now maybe i should have read that opener of indecision as "i don't really think you should come" but hell i thought i'd make a stride at opening up that window of friendship...and some part of me probably just wanted to see him.
I made a complete ass of myself by locking my keys in my car...crying in front of him and his friends because i felt so stupid. But not only that....he failed to add the detail that he was already seeing someone. I asked if i could borrow 50 bucks for triple A service (glad he didn't give it to me) and a ride home. Which i was super appreciative of but omfg again how awkward and pathetic.
This morning though is what takes the cake. In my state of emotional turmoil i sent a text to what i thought was my friend but no...it was to him...and in it i called him scummy, accused him of rubbing his new boyfriend in my face, and called his new boyfriend gross.
I guess at least he knows how if feel now.
But my big question is how in the hell do i begin to cope from this mess i've created for myself. I know over time it will just get better and better but right now my whole body feels stressed out and i haven't felt this tired in...ever. I'm trying to keep myself busy between work and friends but bedtime is the worst. I just replay the entire scenario from day one to now. I really wanted to avoid a negative outcome in this and i think going out last night was a huge mistake. But where do i go from here?
Thank you if you read this. Any and all advice good or bad mean or kind is appreciated.
i might write a book "36 Ways to Make an Ass of Yourself in One Evening"
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