Be Happy being single, then you'll meet someone...

[Anonymous]

I read a lot of people saying relationships are overrated. you need to be happy being single before you can be happy with someone, and all that.

Try never having anyone show interest in you your whole life. Never getting a taste of someone caring about you outside of family, or wanting to get closer to you. Looking in the mirror, and at first seeing nothing wrong with you. Years go by, and still nothing, and then the little things start to stand out, until you feel hideous. Now your self esteem is in the dumps, because you feel ugly regardless of what you do, so why do anything?

Single life is fine, as long as you know what you could have, but choose not to have for a while.

Its not nearly as easy to be happy single, when you've known nothing but being single.
It just becomes harder and harder to find a reason to get up in the morning.
I tried being happy being single. I gave it a good 17 years. Before that it wasn't on my mind, and i was 10 or younger.

The worst part? No one really cares. Friends take you falling into a depressive pit as an insult, because you dont want to see them anymore. Truth is the opposite, but no point in arguing the point, because you're just making up excuses. Friends distance themselves from you.

Family mostly ignore your problems, or tell you to get over it, or extend a hollow offer to help.

Its easy to be happy being single... after you've spent some time in a relationship in the past.

As someone who has never had that experience, being single is a torture that grows worse every day. How can anyone expect someone in my position to get comfortable being single under these circumstances?

[Joshular]

Firstly you're gay I'm assuming. That make's like at least 90% harder to find someone in the first place. All of the relationships I've ever had I've been the one to show interest. And only a handful have reciprocated. Life's not all roses as I wish it were. But there's more to life and you know that?

[Sylph]

[COLOR="Blue"]Gurl, it's okay.

You can feel this way, but not for long, you have to realize that there is so much more in life that a relationship cannot always solve and may actually hinder to some degree.

I myself have never really been in a relationship, I mean I had a guy in highschool express attraction and we kinda were something, but sis, I don't even know what the fuck that was, but anywho.

I know exactly where you're coming from. When where you live, the culture, music and everything is basically telling you that what you are is dirty, and unworthy of even being alive, it can be a bit much, but I'll tell you what, I would never trade it for anything in the world.

Sure it seems hard to actually see the beauty and happiness in life, when it's just you viewing it, over and over again and wishing for someone else who can share or view it the same as you, but you have to realize, it's not necessary for fulfillment in life.

I won't lie, being alone has some pitfalls, such as waking up alone and all that blah, but you know what gurl, unless you are a Twin, you came into this world alone and trying to pair up just because your lonely, is not gonna fix this problem.

Not every person who has interest expressed toward them, are people who don't understand, because if you forget, they had to be alone until that point as well, so if anything, those are the people you should listen to, because they've been where you are and where you want to be.

I won't really try to convince you of your individual self-worth, because it's not something I think you want to hear, but I do want you to stop putting these limitations on yourself, because you sound bitter and angsty and these things will definitely not help your case any.

It's hard gurl, but there really is happiness and that special someone for everyone.

Whether or not you find them or they find you, eitherway, you need to keep yourself open and know that you are beautiful. :hugs-and-kisses-smi


Now take this hug and kiss from Mama <3
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[Bowyn Aerrow]

Without the experience you can not sit there and say all of these people are talking out their assess.

Let me add one more trite but very applicable phrase to your list:

Ignorance in bliss.

You may be in the throws of depression because you think you may be happier as part of an 'us' - wait until after the relationship (relationships end far more often then go on for a lifetime). you will be sitting there wishing you were back here before all of that crazy love stuff.

Right now you are living in a fantasy world where you believe a relationship is going to fix your problems. That ain't gonna happen.

If you are in a depression then it is depression, not single-hood that is the problem.

Being with a partner, being single whatever isn't going to fix that depression. I'm sorry, but if you are not comfortable and content in your own skin as an individual, no other person is going to make you more comfortable and content.

[southbiochem]

I read a lot of people saying relationships are overrated. you need to be happy being single before you can be happy with someone, and all that.

Try never having anyone show interest in you your whole life. Never getting a taste of someone caring about you outside of family, or wanting to get closer to you. Looking in the mirror, and at first seeing nothing wrong with you. Years go by, and still nothing, and then the little things start to stand out, until you feel hideous. Now your self esteem is in the dumps, because you feel ugly regardless of what you do, so why do anything?

Single life is fine, as long as you know what you could have, but choose not to have for a while.

Its not nearly as easy to be happy single, when you've known nothing but being single.
It just becomes harder and harder to find a reason to get up in the morning.
I tried being happy being single. I gave it a good 17 years. Before that it wasn't on my mind, and i was 10 or younger.

The worst part? No one really cares. Friends take you falling into a depressive pit as an insult, because you dont want to see them anymore. Truth is the opposite, but no point in arguing the point, because you're just making up excuses. Friends distance themselves from you.

Family mostly ignore your problems, or tell you to get over it, or extend a hollow offer to help.

Its easy to be happy being single... after you've spent some time in a relationship in the past.

As someone who has never had that experience, being single is a torture that grows worse every day. How can anyone expect someone in my position to get comfortable being single under these circumstances?

I happen to agree on this, cause I'm in the same situation...

therecan be no bliss in my single life when my single life has been going on forever...

loneliness is mind-wrecking and people who have had relationships don't seem to get it..

it's not that they don't have a good point in saying some alone time is good...it is...

but they don't get how you're slowly getting eroded...and you become bitter...you start questioning whether you're any good..

in my case, fine, it's my fault I'm too much of a coward to come out...but my lack of relationships hardly has anything to do with me being gay...

I would have the exact...no I've HAD the exact same problems with the opposite gender..

I have never been anyones type...I'm not the most atractive guy out there, but I'm not deform or anything, to justify this...I have 2 good jobs, I'm caring, reponsible, and I'm damn smart if I may say so (academically...emotionaly, not so much)...

what is wrong with me then?...why did girls always looked at me with such desdain?, I know if was straight..I would be as lonely as I am right now....

why I'm such a hated person? is it because I don't like partying, clubbing, driking excessively, wasting time doing nothing, like most people my age seem to do?

Probably....

Anyway, sorry for turning this into my own rant..

but I wanted to say I understand you just fine, mr...

hang in there...life cannot possibly be shitty forever, right?

[justbry87]

I can relate and I think a lot of people here can as well to this.

For awhile back, and still from time to time I get the same way
I get lost in my own head, distance myself from everyone and just
do a lot of introspection and pretty much hate myself for everything.

Relationship's are a part of life, but it shouldn't be the main goal of
anyones life.

And I still believe that you should know yourself first and be 'complete'
before you enter into a relationship. If you're looking for someone to
'complete' you then what's gonna happen if that person goes away..?

I'm sure you've heard it all before, but I hope that you don't believe
that being in a relationship will magically make everything okay.

Feel better~

[nfisher1226]

loneliness is mind-wrecking and people who have had relationships don't seem to get it..

it's not that they don't have a good point in saying some alone time is good...it is...

but they don't get how you're slowly getting eroded...and you become bitter...you start questioning whether you're any good..

I get it, whether you want to believe it or not. See, most people who have had relationships have also had long periods of loneliness too. I know I have. Trust me, having had relationships does not make a person immune to the effects you're describing.

Consider what it can do to a person when they have to question why every relationship they ever had fails. Why nobody ever cared enough to stick around. Why they always lose interest. You can go through some pretty similar feelings to what you're describing.

For those of you who haven't been on the relationship wagon you shouldn't discount the pain you've missed out on during the breakup. You just don't have the frame of reference to understand just how destructive to a life breaking up can be. And the longer and more intense the relationship was, the more destructive it can be.

I'm not just talking about emotional destruction either. There's plenty of that. But just imagine you've built a life with someone who you love, are living together, share all of your possessions. And now it's coming to an end. Maybe the house is in his name and you're faced with having to find your own place. Or maybe it's in your name but you know that you can't afford it alone, so you're going to have to move anyway. Not to mention the fact that there's probably no cut and dried way of deciding what belongs to who.

So you move to a new place and tote off what you think is enough to start over. That's just it, you're starting over again. Most of your things that you've brought with you, you can't even stand having them around because of the memories, and it turns out that there's hundreds if not thousands of dollars worth of household items that you need to buy anyway to make you life as comfortable as it was before. The friends you shared don't know how to handle it. Some of them start taking sides, because even as adults a lot of people don't have the emotional maturity to not take sides. So now not only have you lost your best friend and lover but a lot of other people who you should be able to rely on to get you through this are pretty distant too.

Try doing this a few times in succession and see where your life goes. It's called serial monogamy. It's a destructive spiral, caused by a person not loving themself enough and jumping in over and over again just because they can't stand being alone. No matter how good a job you have it's a recipe for financial ruin. No matter how good some of your friends might be it's emotionally draining for you and for them. It sucks a person's self esteem and what's worse it ruins their faith in people to the point they stop believing that true love can even exist.

Being alone does suck, but the rub is that it truly is preferable to have a somewhat longer period of being alone than to jump right into a relationship that isn't right. And then doing it again and again until it's just a repetative motion that you keep going through out of some mistaken belief that you have to be with someone to be happy.

What I'm describing is probably more common among straight people just due to the fact that they have a larger dating pool and therefore finding a willing partner is easier, but it's not unheard of for gays. I've personally jumped in a couple times and regretted it. But thankfully I've learned somewhat from my mistakes and tend to see warning signs a lot earlier, and also tend to go a little slower and am more honest with myself about that other person.

[Anonymous]

You may be in the throws of depression because you think you may be happier as part of an 'us' - wait until after the relationship (relationships end far more often then go on for a lifetime). you will be sitting there wishing you were back here before all of that crazy love stuff.

I disagree strongly with you here. I would thrill to have a relationship, even if it fell apart. Not for the pain or suffering a breakup caused, just the fact that someone cared for a while at least, even if they dont anymore.

Have you ever heard "it's better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all?"
I recently realised exactly what this means

[Anonymous]

I happen to agree on this, cause I'm in the same situation...

therecan be no bliss in my single life when my single life has been going on forever...

loneliness is mind-wrecking and people who have had relationships don't seem to get it..

it's not that they don't have a good point in saying some alone time is good...it is...

but they don't get how you're slowly getting eroded...and you become bitter...you start questioning whether you're any good..

in my case, fine, it's my fault I'm too much of a coward to come out...but my lack of relationships hardly has anything to do with me being gay...

I would have the exact...no I've HAD the exact same problems with the opposite gender..

I have never been anyones type...I'm not the most atractive guy out there, but I'm not deform or anything, to justify this...I have 2 good jobs, I'm caring, reponsible, and I'm damn smart if I may say so (academically...emotionaly, not so much)...

what is wrong with me then?...why did girls always looked at me with such desdain?, I know if was straight..I would be as lonely as I am right now....

why I'm such a hated person? is it because I don't like partying, clubbing, driking excessively, wasting time doing nothing, like most people my age seem to do?

Probably....

Anyway, sorry for turning this into my own rant..

but I wanted to say I understand you just fine, mr...

hang in there...life cannot possibly be shitty forever, right?

Im a year older then you it seems.

"why I'm such a hated person? is it because I don't like partying, clubbing, driking excessively, wasting time doing nothing, like most people my age seem to do?"

I wouldnt say hated, but being the same way, I have to say that to NOT do these things are basically further isolating yourself, which makes it 100 times harder to meet people.
Not saying you should do it anyways though.

"Anyway, sorry for turning this into my own rant.."

I dont mind If it helps you a bit, feel free to rant away. You sound like me, and I wouldnt want anyone to feel what im feeling right now :p

"in my case, fine, it's my fault I'm too much of a coward to come out.."

This doesnt make you a coward. Dont think that (not that a few words will change much),
Coming out can be a hectic time, even if it goes as good as it can go. Heck, I only came out because the alternative was suicide, and I told myself THAT would never be an option.

Regardless.. You are not a coward sir


"but they don't get how you're slowly getting eroded...and you become bitter...you start questioning whether you're any good.."

Exactly. I feel I'm past this, and have moved into believing im no good. Although I keep the bitterness away. You could say im a depressed, down on hope optimist, who has trouble seeing the silver lining anymore

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Yes I have heard of that and I disagree with the statement.

I have been on both sides of this particular fence. I completely agree that it feels like it would be better. But once I hurdled that fence and discovered the pangs of love and of loss, I realized I was far 'happier' being without love.

Even being in love hurts - its stressful, worrisome, irritating. The 'joy' party only appears to offset the responsibility, the agonizing, the doubts, and all of the other interestingly complex aching emotions that take place while in a romance.

Love is a disorder, a chemical disease that rots the brain, steals ones logic and causes a person to grow dependent on another. it is a madness, a mental illness which sadly has a scientific and horrifyingly short lifespan based on evolution of the species and how weak and horrible infants are compared to other species: http://www.franktallis.com/lovesick.htm

This desire for love you have, is your biological clock ticking to do no more than to insure the survival of your genetics. When you do fall in love, it will last about 2 years and that will be that.

Madness I tell you, simple, pure madness.

That two year mark holds pretty true and when that two years is up then you will find that your hurt, your loneliness and all of those things your currently experiencing are going to rush in and you get loss, and lots of other crap due to the crappiness your relationship turns too because as far as your body is concerned, love has served its purpose.

What you are currently longing for right now is a satisfaction to chemical urges which no one can satisfy for ever. Hot passion dims to cooler, more temperate affection. http://www.omg-facts.com/Science/Romanti...r-Af/57044

Its no surprise that one year to two years after falling in love couples go sorta crazy, wondering what in the hell did they see in that other person - wondering why they are shivering cold in bed while their partner has become disinterested in all of that cuddling and snuggling.

No the fact that someone cared for a little while is unbearable to live with afterwards. It haunts your dreams, spoils your joy and leaves you feeling crippled and unable to move.

And the real horror part is yet to come, once you have love and find out about the ugly side you go in search of more love instead of doing the rational thing and that is stop doing that which causes pain.