Office Crush...getting weird signals

[winterfell]

I would like some second opinions about this situation I have at work.

I have a big crush on this new tech guy at work and we've spoken maybe 3 times the past month or so. He reminds me of a frat boy jock the way he dresses and acts (very loud and into sports etc). He might just be friendly and it's a fantasy that's all in my head. But the few times we've talked, he's surprised me...

First time we met: We chit chat for 10-15 minutes while he's working on my computer... and then he asks if I have a boyfriend. That totally threw me off guard because there was nothing obviously gay on my desk and I don't consider myself flamboyant.. But I do have a boyfriend and I told him it was our one year anniversary. He congratulated me and that was that. I asked if he had a girlfriend but he said no-- he was single. (ugh, I should've asked if he had a boyfriend too!)

Second time (about 2 weeks later): We didn't really interact, but he overheard me talking to a coworker about me thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend. (we were right behind him while he fixed my email)

Third time (1 week after): He fixes my computer again. He brings up me and bf's one year anniversary from last month. That startles me, but I begin to detail our dinner experience but he interrupts me: He's not wondering about the anniversary dinner, he wants to know how me and boyfriend are doing: "did you guys have fun? Get into a fight?...."

UPDATE:
4th time: (2 weeks later): I ask him if he's going to this office event, he says no because he'd rather watch sports... He asks me if I'm going and bringing my boyfriend. I said I'm single and then we talk about my breakup. He wanted to know if I broke it off or if my ex did. And then he wanted to know if this was normal for us and if we'll be getting back together....I told him that I broke it off and that it's definitely over.

So I'm really confused. Is he just a really friendly straight guy or do you think he's trying to feel me out and hint that he's interested? I just thought it was strange how curious he was about my love life. How do I figure out if he's gay or not?! I tried my best at googling him online but nothing came up!

[davearoo]

If I were in your place, I'd take the guy to lunch - off site, of course - and ask him point blank if he's gay or bi.

[Merc]

lol get to know this one

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Its too soon for you to be dating again. You just ended a relationship, if you start pursuing another one this early you will become a serial relationship doer.

I would suggest that you be friends with this guy - friends without benefits.

How do you find out if he is gay. Ask him - point blank.

Look, if you are going to have relationships with people (friendships are relationships) you will need to be able to communicate, talk to them. Googling a person to find out their sexual preference is kinda creepy. No not kinda - it is creepy. It is a stalker sort of thing. No one likes it when they discover a person has been googling them to find out about stuff that one should be asking the person.

Since he knows you're gay it won't be a big deal to him if you ask. Clearly he has no problem with LGBT issues since he knows you are one and has demonstrated that he can ask usual questions without preaching at you or reminding you that you are disgusting for being 'that way'.

If this was a complete stranger who knew absolutely nothing about your sexual preference, then you have every right to worry about being outted or causing an uncomfortable moment.

[winterfell]

Thanks for the replies! @BA, I thought everybody googles everyone? I thought it was standard practice now-a-days.

I'm not good at being direct...not really my nature since I can be real awkward. For lunch, I'll figure out when he usually goes to lunch and bump into him and see where that goes. I won't ask him point blank if he's gay...we do have an office event coming up so I could ask if he's bringing anyone special (a girl?...or a guy?)

[yoyoyo148]

u no he wants the D guurl

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Thanks for the replies! @BA, I thought everybody googles everyone? I thought it was standard practice now-a-days.

I'm not good at being direct...not really my nature since I can be real awkward. For lunch, I'll figure out when he usually goes to lunch and bump into him and see where that goes. I won't ask him point blank if he's gay...we do have an office event coming up so I could ask if he's bringing anyone special (a girl?...or a guy?)

We Google facts and bits of data like what is the melting point of a human soul in hell.... We do not invade people's privacy. Of course you are of the generation where privacy is a slippery, vanishing thing so I forgive you that slightly.

Why are you beating around the bush? It makes no sense whatsoever to play this mind game you are playing with him. He knows you are as queer as a three dollar bill thus should have expected the point blank question delivered a long time ago.

You better pray to whatever deity you hold dear (perhaps its Google?) That he isn't like me. I would expect to be asked directly, not in a round about way and if I was interested in a person and they took the sly/deceitful/dishonest route of 'asking' round about questions my interest in them would drop dramatically.

Yes there are still people in the world who find this sort of game playing annoying as hell, and will lose interest in a person if that person has no balls and can't ask simple questions.

Respect him, yourself and this particular situation. Ask point blank - there is no fear of being tied up to a truck and dragged for several miles, or being beaten an hung on a fence - he has already demonstrated he is gay tolerant if not gay affirming.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Clearly your PC has developed an internal fault that requires the intervention of your IT Tech on a more regular basis. Maybe even your homo, sorry home, PC has a fault and you need some advice and a second opinion (don't forget to delete the browser history before he looks at it )

Joking aside though, office romances, gay or straight, can be a minefield, so tread carefully.

Oh and one more thing, have you actually split with your ex, as thats not too clear from your post?

ObW
X

[EvenOlderButWiser]

he has already demonstrated he is gay tolerant if not gay affirming.

Or just plain GAY

ObW
X

[winterfell]

...I am still with my current boyfriend. We haven't talked about breaking up but its been downhill (in my eyes) for quite a while. That's another issue for a different day.

I think anything you post on the internet is fair game. Like I said earlier, there was barely any trace of his existence online so I didn't find anything regardless. Also BA, employers routinely screen applicants by googling them and seeing what they find. I don't think I did anything creepy. Of course I'll never admit to him that I googled him or read all his tweets from the beginning of time (all sports related).

Its kind of hard to start a conversation with him since he's in a different dept and we have off schedules. I guess I'll just have to find ways to break my computer so he can come to my desk and I can bond some more.