Advice for 12 year old son

[bobby]

i knew when i was 12 or even younger & i do not look or act gay (whatever that is). he can talk to the school councellor but i think your doing great with what you told him

[LONDONER]

Wow- thank you all so much! I was checking yesterday for responses, not realizing they didn't come through to email.
This really means a lot, a lot to digest. I think counselling is probably a great idea, and I do appreciate the comments that there are not a lot of role models in the media showing different kinds of people that are gay. It is usually a stereotype, and not one that he can relate too. I'm sure he thinks, "Well, that's not me, so what am I?" Thank you for the links Bowyn Aerrow! And yes to James on the 1% of our life is our sexuality- this is a much better way of expressing what I tried to tell him!
I really appreciate the perspective that he is young and hormones all over the map, many of you didn't know until you were older, some younger- all of this is very helpful (I grew up in a very religious home, so I'm learning as I go!)
I'm not convinced either way, and neither is he, but it helps to know that there is so much support out there if and when he needs it! Thanks so much to all of you! I teared up reading your replies :-)

Those of us who have contributed to this thread are all glad to have helped in some way.

One thing that hasn't been broached before is whether he has a computer and/or a smartphone. If he has, you might want to make really discreet enquiries to see if he is being bullied online. That is an insidious formof bullying since on occasions it is done in complete anonimity

[southbiochem]

Glad we could all pitch in and give bits and pieces that can help..

I forgot to mention one thing...your kid may not know this yet, cause society always impose an image and stereotype of what is a gay person, so maybe he's scared to admit it to himself or to you because he's afraid he'll suffer hell from everyone in school because of it..

But as for me and countless other guys, you can't actually tell us apart from straight men..not like we are uber-macho acting, but we are simply average folks with normal behavior....we just happen to like guys...

[LONDONER]

I just came across this and while it might not have any direct relation to the OP, it's interesting that not all schools are populated by bullies:

http://www.wimp.com/footballplayers/

[KingOfSnakes20]

My son, who is normally a straight A student, athletic, happy go lucky and cerebral has been going through a very rough time with his grades dropping, his sports suffering and major mood swings/ anger. Last year as we were driving home from shopping he blurted out that he was worried he was gay. My husband and I remained low key and supportive and basically said it's not something he needs to figure out at this time, but either way we love him and he will have a wonderful life (that's the nutshell version!) His behaviour continued to decline, school performance, etc and he brought it up again, and again we showed our love and support and told him don't worry about it, don't try to decide right now, whoever he is attracted to and whoever he chooses as a partner will be just fine and won't change all the other exciting things he has in his future to look forward to (he wants to be a marine biologist or a chef- he's a great kid!)

Anyway, he's very broken up, full of anxiety maybe even some depression and lots of anger directed at his family. He has a friend that I think is the person he worries about 'liking' and gets very hurt when that friend gives him the cold shoulder. Kids in school still make derogatory remarks that I know hit home for him.

I guess what I'm asking, is- are we handling this the right way and does anyone have any input on how we can handle this better? Is it possible that he would know at this young age that he is gay? And, at the risk of sounding naive, does it matter that he has no stereotypical gay qualities (you wouldn't think he was gay after spending time with him)? Is it possible he's going through a confused stage (that has lasted over a year... I know)

Thank you! We just want him to be happy :-(

I can't applaud you enough for the way you are handling this situation. Support is the greatest thing at this stage. At such a fragile age the best thing you can do is be supportive and wait for him to completely open up to you. A lot of parents are too pushy and you don't seem to be doing that. I'm not sure what all you have said to him but I would definitely express to him that no matter what is going on that it is no reason to let his grades slip, or to start giving less than 100% at his sports.

As far as kids making remarks at school. That is one thing that happens no matter what. Just tell him to hold his head up. Also, as far as having any of the stereotypical gay qualities. I wouldn't be concerned with that. If you stuck me with a group of guys you would have a difficult time picking me as the gay one so that is one thing not to worry about.

I hope that things get better!!!