11-04-2013, 11:39 AM
I'm good friends with someone who, after being close to them (on and off) for the past 7 years, am convinced has borderline personality disorder. Risky sex, jumping from man to man, cheating, pathological lying, manic episodes, horrible self-esteem issues, extreme preoccupation with herself and what she "deserves" from everyone around her, and a general lack of concern for anyone's plights or perceived "negativities" that burst her hollowly "positive" life. It's all there. She had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder once before, but I honestly believe she has BPD, and I want to bring it up to her but don't know if it's a good idea or if it is, how to go about it.
She and I have had a tumultuous friendship that's at times been very close and wonderful, but there have been other times where she has driven me mad and been so sadistic to the point that we didn't speak for over six months.
Recently I've gotten to what I think is my ultimate breaking point with her, which was incidentally brought on by a small argument, but it was just enough to piss me off and give me that last little shove over the edge. What it has boiled down to in the last couple of years is that she has a disgusting preoccupation with herself, and if you don't feed her ego and laud her for her minuscule 'accomplishments' or her 'healthy' relationships with her alternating lineup of boyfriends, then you don't give two shits about her at all and are a worthless friend to her. She's very manipulative in the sense that she can invert any situation and paint everyone around her as "toxic" and "wrong" if they even question, challenge, or express the slightest disinterest with her, and because of this she does not keep close friends for much longer than 6 months. I am the only friend who has stuck with her through all of her insanity after all this time, and I've watched countless people go in and out of her life like cattle (many of them being people who she esteemed as being "incredible" and then, after she's found out by them, "negative" or "insane").
What's especially sickening about all of it is the fact that she doesn't seem to have any overt concern for other people's issues, and doesn't want to hear about anybody's problems or how their own lives are going, yet she DEMANDS consistent inquiry about how HER life is going. I've had (and still have) major health problems that she refuses to discuss with me, or gets mad if I bring up because she deems the mere topic "negative", and she confessed to me that she believed she had a potentially serious illness herself and has refused to get treatment for it (and then got angry with me when I urged her to see a doctor).
I'm just done with it to be honest, but I'd like to let her know she most likely has a problem and needs to get help for herself if she ever wants to maintain any sort of relationship with anybody for the rest of her life. I get that she's mentally ill, but I've had enough of her rabid head games and insecurity-driven obsession with herself. How can I address to her that she has a serious problem before saying bon voyage? Part of me wants to be mean about it just because of how she's treated me and several other people, but I believe she's truly mentally unstable and has just figured out temporary ways to mask her own neuroses, so I don't think being nasty about it is morally right. I've just had e-fucking-nough, and I want to lay it out explicitly as to why I've had enough, and try to force her to look at all of the people who have walked out of her life because she has driven them away. Most of all, I want her to REALIZE the severity of the actions she's taken, and just how twisted many of them truly are.
She and I have had a tumultuous friendship that's at times been very close and wonderful, but there have been other times where she has driven me mad and been so sadistic to the point that we didn't speak for over six months.
Recently I've gotten to what I think is my ultimate breaking point with her, which was incidentally brought on by a small argument, but it was just enough to piss me off and give me that last little shove over the edge. What it has boiled down to in the last couple of years is that she has a disgusting preoccupation with herself, and if you don't feed her ego and laud her for her minuscule 'accomplishments' or her 'healthy' relationships with her alternating lineup of boyfriends, then you don't give two shits about her at all and are a worthless friend to her. She's very manipulative in the sense that she can invert any situation and paint everyone around her as "toxic" and "wrong" if they even question, challenge, or express the slightest disinterest with her, and because of this she does not keep close friends for much longer than 6 months. I am the only friend who has stuck with her through all of her insanity after all this time, and I've watched countless people go in and out of her life like cattle (many of them being people who she esteemed as being "incredible" and then, after she's found out by them, "negative" or "insane").
What's especially sickening about all of it is the fact that she doesn't seem to have any overt concern for other people's issues, and doesn't want to hear about anybody's problems or how their own lives are going, yet she DEMANDS consistent inquiry about how HER life is going. I've had (and still have) major health problems that she refuses to discuss with me, or gets mad if I bring up because she deems the mere topic "negative", and she confessed to me that she believed she had a potentially serious illness herself and has refused to get treatment for it (and then got angry with me when I urged her to see a doctor).
I'm just done with it to be honest, but I'd like to let her know she most likely has a problem and needs to get help for herself if she ever wants to maintain any sort of relationship with anybody for the rest of her life. I get that she's mentally ill, but I've had enough of her rabid head games and insecurity-driven obsession with herself. How can I address to her that she has a serious problem before saying bon voyage? Part of me wants to be mean about it just because of how she's treated me and several other people, but I believe she's truly mentally unstable and has just figured out temporary ways to mask her own neuroses, so I don't think being nasty about it is morally right. I've just had e-fucking-nough, and I want to lay it out explicitly as to why I've had enough, and try to force her to look at all of the people who have walked out of her life because she has driven them away. Most of all, I want her to REALIZE the severity of the actions she's taken, and just how twisted many of them truly are.