Need advice on my suspected-to-be-gay Brother

[sillyboy86]

I think the main problem is the anger, in my opinion, first he needs to do some kind of therapy.

The rest could change later, but if he cannot deal with his anger everything is a problem.
Forget the sexuality for a period, talk with him about working on his anger.

[nfisher1226]

This hits on a lot of tense issues.

I tend to agree that the abuse, separation from family, and overall inconsistency in your childhoods is the major factor in his anger. Males and females are bound to react somewhat differently to the conditions the two of you endured. You sound like a very strong person to have come out of that as intact as you are. He probably is too in his own way, but there's a lot of defense mechanisms that aren't going to go away overnight.

I'm sure he could benefit from counseling. But you're not likely going to be able to get him to go unless he decides it's time for him to go.

He may be gay. He may be straight, and feel comfortable around gay men who are by and large very accepting because we all feel like outsiders to some extent. Maybe they're just the only people who leave him alone about his life and don't ask questions. If he's gay, or bi, or whatever then that's something he should have a right to reveal in his own time to people of his own choosing though. There are varying levels of self acceptance and self knowledge. We're not all in the same place mentally or emotionally. Since his childhood was so disrupted you can expect it to take more time for him to process certain things, especially with the negative connotations that "gay" was given during his entire life to this point. Give him time and space to figure it out if need be, and especially to get comfortable enough to open up to you about it.

You make him comfortable enough, by the way, by being a good sister without worrying about things like sexuality. It sounds to me (though I could be mistaken) like this whole issue is a partly your wanting to feel closer to your brother. Try to do that without being up in his business. Family has a way sometimes of being critical without meaning to, and of offering suggestions and advice that are unasked for and often unwelcome. It's hard to back off sometimes when you care about someone deeply, but often it's exactly what they want and need. You may get closer to him by just taking the pressure off and enjoying each other's company.

I may sound critical, but actually I applaud you for being so supportive and caring of your brother. Especially since by the sounds of it he's made himself hard to love at times, especially for a woman. Hang in there and just continue to be a good sister.