I'm not sure how to title this

[Tayvie]

I haven't posted on this forum in awhile but I feel like I need to vent a little because things are happening and I'm not sure how to feel. Now I don't want to say he's my boyfriend but a guy I care about and occasionally fool around with is bi and we're in high school but doesn't want anyone to know and we're distant in school which is fair (gossipy bitches ruin everything! ) He acts like this because of his holy roller homophobic mother whom he lives with, understandable. Now my gal pal M we'll call her who is in a relationship with a FtoM trans boy who their relationship is rocky to put it nicely is telling me that he should be more open and not be so afraid to be himself. She also thinks he will just deny everything that we have done like he did back in May which resulted in me not talking to him for four months. I have told her that if I pushed D (my friend) out of the closet I'd be a huge asshole. I also told her that I don't think he's stringing me along again like last time. (her words) To be perfectly honest I'm happy being his secret and D is happy as well so what would you do in my situation I honestly feel a little befuddled.

Thanks~

[jimcrackcorn]

You did the right thing by not forcing your Bi friend to come out of the closet. His holy-roller homophobic mother could make his life a living hell. His mother might be the religious type that would kick her son out of the house and force him to live in the streets,,,, or force him to go to one of those christian organizations that tries to turn gays into heterosexuals thru "conversion therapy" .

[southbiochem]

You are being very considerate and thoughtful towards him, and that's good, cause if this comes to the open trouble may happen in his home because of his mother...

Now, you're both young, so if this goes on further, and turns into a relationship, you can both wait to be in college and away from family to be more in the open...

until then, if you like him and if you can cope with the probable fact that in order to protect himself he will deny things are going on bewteen you, than go for it..

best of lucks mile:

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Seems to me that the girl M is putting using you as a way to forget all her own problems.

Without M running interference, you will be just fine in your existing fwb arrangement. The problem is, she sounds like she could make your life hell at school if you cut her off. You need to tread carefully with her.

As others have said, your doing exactly the right thing by not outing your friend, however given the noises M is making, maybe you should try and warn him off from any contact with her. You should also stop discussing anything relating to your relationship with him, with M.

Bottom line is if your happy, bollocks to anything she says!

Good luck,

ObW
X

[MisterTinkles]

If you are both happy with the situation, then I dont see the problem.

[Geminize]

I agree with everyone else so far. If you are happy with the situation, no need to change it. Outing your friend before he is ready would most likely be a disaster for your friendship. As long as you don't feel used by him, keep it up. If things aren't working, just end the sexual relationship but don't cause trouble for him. Tell M it's none of her business.

[Dreamer]

I agree with the main message that everyone has added to this thread,
and add that you should continue supporting your friend,
doing what you can to help keep him in the closet,
and disregard what your friend M has suggested.


It's his life on the line, not hers!
(and your "relationship" essentially.)


The only thing else I could say is that if his closetedness became a problem for you,
as in it were to hinder your own inner growth,
acceptance, and happiness within yourself,
then it may be time to move on,
and find someone more comfortable in their own skin.


That wouldn't mean you still couldn't be his friend
and support him through his rough journey.


Good luck,
and do good in school.

[Woollyhats]

Unfortunately, he's going to be afraid to tell people because of his mom. At the end of the day, he probably fears homelessness. A possible option would be to tell your parents, and take it slow. Over time, perhaps you can convene on living together, or having him come live with you, if your parents would be okay with that. If you aren't ready for that level of commitment, perhaps it's best to let it go --- I was prepared to wait many years to be with my boyfriend, if it took that. However, his mother took is well, to the surprise of, well, everybody.

But the reality is, is that there is an incredible risk, and if you aren't prepared for that risk, it's completely understandable that he's not telling his mother.

What investment are you willing to put into this? That's your question and the answer to this.

[Tayvie]

Yeah I'm glad to know that I'm not in the wrong in this *phew* My plan is just to lay low and wait if shit hits the fan and cross that bridge when I come to it.

[Tayvie]

Thanks for all your responses, I tried to post something earlier but it didn't send? (probably my bad internet) I don't mind being his secret for now and I'm aware that he's experimenting with me but my friends make it out to be that I'm emotionally invested severely and that he'll just hurt me again *shrugs*